


Run with me

by Maharia_Avile



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Kinky, Roleplay, Romance, Rough Sex, Semi-Public Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-02
Updated: 2015-04-25
Packaged: 2018-03-10 02:27:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 40
Words: 75,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3273344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maharia_Avile/pseuds/Maharia_Avile
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cullen. And the most fascinating, alluring woman he's ever met. Entirely about the passionate relationship between Inquisitor Rogue Trevelyan and Commander Cullen, no re-telling of the game. Takes place during but mostly after the game timeline-wise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The first time he saw her, his heart almost stopped. He didn't let it show, he was far too professional for that. But inside, he felt like something similar to shock go through him. Afterwards, Cullen couldn't think of any other moment before in his life that he had fought so hard to remain composed.

He couldn't quite explain it to himself, even afterwards when he had time to reflect on it. It was just so unexpected. When that girl with the mark on her hand walked into the war room in Haven for the first time, he just hadn't imagined it would be the most exquisitely beautiful woman he had ever seen. It wasn't even like him to care about a woman's looks, he was more practical than that, and valued other abilities far more than beauty. But she... Lady Trevelyan was just something else altogether.

Her first appearance in his life was actually a few hours earlier than the meeting in the war room, but that was in the heat of battle. Cullen and his men were fighting off demons by a smaller rift just outside of the smoldering ruins of the Temple of Sacred Ashes when Cassandra appeared with the girl and a few others, and helped with the fight. The girl was wearing a hood then and he was too preoccupied to be curious.

But in the war room... Maker help him. She strode in after Leliana, with an aura about her that was as enchanting as the way she looked. Her golden hair flowed like sunshine around her head and down in a thick braid on her left side, coming to a stop just above her waist. Her face was hard to even describe, it was so utterly beautiful. She had piercing, large blue and green eyes in a shade he had never seen before in his life, almost glowing. A perfect nose, perfect full rosy lips, even her eyebrows framed her heartshaped face beautifully. And her body... no, he couldn't even look at it, or he would lose what little composure he had left.

It was almost ridiculous that one person could have been born with all these perfect, amazing features. After Cullen recovered somewhat from the initial shock of seeing her face, he immediately thought that she at least must have a horrible personality. Almost all beautiful women he had ever met were obnoxious and thought themselves better than everybody else.

 _And they couldn't, even all of them thrown together, match her beauty,_ Cullen thought. But she quickly killed off the personality theory too.

"Commander Cullen, I introduce to you Lady Trevelyan." Leliana gestured toward the newly arrived woman.

She smiled as she met Cullen's gaze. A warm smile. A smile that made his heart beat so hard in his chest he was sure it must be visible.

"Pleased to meet you, Commander Cullen."

Cullen almost let out a groan. Her voice was like honey, and that mixed with her saying his name sent shivers down his spine. He steeled himself and his face remained, hopefully, neutral.

"Lady Trevelyan. I hear we have you to thank for closing the rifts." He was actually really impressed with how calm he sounded, speaking in his 'Commander'-voice.

She spoke again with that voice, that sounded both innocent, serious and mischevious at the same time. "I'm afraid I don't really know what's going on here any more than you do, or why I have this mark on my hand." She put her hand out in front of her, flexing it with a fascinated glint in her eye before she looked at Cullen again. "But know that I will do everything in my power to help, however I can. Me and little Sparkles here," she said and inclined her head towards her hand, and a little smile tugged at the corner of her mouth.

Cullen stared at her. Both because he couldn't keep his eyes off the way her small smile created that dimple in her cheek, and beacause he couldn't believe that she already joked about the mark on her hand, especially when she had started out sounding so serious.

She kept looking at him while she and the others continued to talk. Cullen only listened with one ear. He quickly decided she wasn't like anyone he'd ever met before. Not just because of the way she looked, Maker knows she was the most amazing creature he'd ever seen, but because of the air about her. It was as if she didn't even know how beautiful she was. Well no, she _had_ to know that, but it was as if she didn't care or acknowledged it at all. She just didn't have that superior look in her eyes. The way she moved, and the way she observed and talked, it all appealed to him in a completely new way.

He joined in the discussion when he decided to put his observations to the side for the time being, and get down to business. _That,_ however, required all of his templar dicipline. Not letting anyone see that his heart pounded in his chest when she looked at him, or how he almost melted to a puddle on the floor when she spoke to him, was nearly impossible.

_Put on that Commander-face, for Andraste's sake, man!_

He cleared his throat.

"Yes, this is what I have planned..."

* * *

Cullen didn't see much of her during their time in Haven, and honestly, he was glad. Each time she was away on Inquisition business, he almost forgot how marvellous she was. His mind couldn't do her justice and he always told himself that she couldn't be as enchanting as he remembered, that his mind overdid it.

And each time she came back, he was proven utterly wrong.

He could only keep his composure when they spoke of the Inquisition. She was far too delightful in other matters, always making small comments that made him blush or left him terribly unsure of how to respond, so he avoided it at all cost. As soon as they had finished talking business, he threw himself into the next thing he had to do. Thankfully, his to-do-list never stopped growing.

It was more difficult to avoid the Inquisitor in Skyhold, though. She spent much more time here than she had in in Haven, since it was a much better place for planning, and of course the Inquisition had grown much since then, and they had significantly more people who could do most of the minor missions.

Cullen was still in awe of her, but he was starting to get a little more relaxed around her, maybe because he'd gotten somewhat used to her presence. They ran into each other quite often, walking the battlements, the garden, and of course in the war room, but he still wasn't exactly ready to have a casual conversation with her. She affected him like no other person had ever done before and he was terrified he would say something wrong.

The first time she came to visit him in his office, it had been a long day for Cullen. Up at the crack of dawn overseeing the training of the soldiers, then an endless heap of paperwork and reports to be signed. He was sitting in his chair rubbing his neck, thinking about going to bed, when the knock came.

"Come in."

The door opened slightly and in she came. She closed the door behind her and smiled at him when she saw his eyes widen at the sight of her.

"Commander, I hope I'm not disturbing you?" She tilted her head slightly as she watched him, and Cullen immediately felt like a mouse, and she was the cat. Not in a predator type of way, but more like... she was curious, and he was helpless.

"Inquisitor, of course not, I always have time for you."

 _Maker, that sounded cheekier than I meant,_ he thought and rose quickly from behind the desk and nodded at her.

Her smile grew wider as she walked further into the room and stood across the other side of the desk from him. "I'm glad to hear that. To be completely honest with you Commander, I didn't think you liked me very much." One of her eyebrows was now raised but she still smiled at him.

"Wh-what? Maker, why would you think that, my Lady?" he stuttered.

"Well... You always turn and go the other way if you see me somewhere, and our conversations are always very straight to the point and then you hurry off as if there were a fire somewhere. It all makes a girl wonder what she's done wrong, you know."

Cullen stared at her for a bit longer than what was probably appropriate. Her smile wavered a bit and she shifted to her other foot.

_Is... is she nervous?_

This goddess-like creature stood before him, asking him if he didn't like her. He'd actually made her think that? Andraste, what was wrong with him?

He pulled himself together and found his ability to speak again.

"I am sorry if I made you think that I didn't... that I didn't care for your company, my Lady. It's just been so much to do, I..." he sighed and thought, to hell with it. "And well, frankly you make me a little nervous." He stared down at his desk.

She sought his eyes, and he looked up to see her beautiful face, with that look of a cat's curiosity again.

"Please, Commander, don't call me "Lady", or any other title. It's just you and me. We're alone."

The thought hadn't really got to him before now. He gulped.

_Alone._

"I'm sorry, what should I call you then? I don't actually know your first name, my Lady."

"My first name... I don't like to use it actually, it's a bit embarrassing. You can just call me Trev," she said and winked at him with a gleam in her eyes.

He almost swayed where he stood. Had she just... winked at him? And how silly was it that he almost fell over because of it? He was thankful that she didn't seem to be aware of the power she held over him.

"Alright, my La... Trev."

She looked pleased, she walked around the desk to his side and sat on the edge of it.

_Maker, she's so close._

He could smell her now, an odd and enticing mixture of jasmine, ink, leather and honey.

_Divine._

She looked up at him. "Why do I make you nervous, Commander? Is it my mark?" she asked, a small, worried frown forming in her face.

"If I can call you Trev, please call me Cullen. And no, it's not your mark." He paused to find the right words. "Do you... do you really not know the effect you have on people? On me? You always have intelligent things to say, you're a natural leader. And your personality is fascinating - I can never read you, and I'm damned good at reading people!" Cullen spoke faster and faster until he had to catch his breath after his last word.

She gave out a delightful little laugh. Cullen almost forgot what he'd said when he heard that wonderful sound.

"This is what I like so much about you, Cullen. You didn't even mention... I was afraid you were going to say what everyone else in my life have ever said to me: that the way I look make them nervous. You have no idea, _no idea,_ how refreshing it is to hear something else." She smiled that dazzling smile again and took a few steps closer to him, only an arms lenght separating them now.

Cullen swallowed hard.

"So... You think I'm mysterious, then?" she continued. "I guess we can remedy that by getting to know each other better. Would you like that, Cullen?"

She looked up into his eyes with a mischevious grin on her face.

"Umm... yes, very much so, Lady... ehm, Trev."

She took a small step towards him, closing the distance between them. Cullen could __feel_ _ the electricity between their bodies as she reached up to his ear and whispered something in it. Trev sank back down on her feet, smiling and biting her lower lip ever so slightly and backed out, turned and left the office, closing the door behind her.

Cullen was left standing fozen, his whole body screaming with desire and shock. His face was burning red from blushing.

_By the Maker and Andraste and everyone who's ever been... Did I just hear her say that to me?!_

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

Before their meeting in his office, he had gladly avoided her.  _Her._ The Inquisitor. The Herald of Andraste. The most beautiful and outrageously bold woman he'd ever met.

Now, he couldn't get enough of seeing her.

_Call me Trev._

It seemed so intimate, what she had asked him to call her. He'd never heard anyone else calling her that. It seemed to be... only for him. He shivered with pleasure when he thought about it.

He siezed every opportunity to see her. He began taking more walks through the places he knew she frequented, be it in his free time or on the way to a meeting. His heart leapt in his chest when he did bump into her. She would walk past him smiling that breathtaking smile, saying his name in a sultry voice as a greeting when she passed him. This was very distracting for him since he never remembered where he was going after she'd passed him. More often than not did he end up somewhere else before he could remember.

A week had passed since she was in his office and whispered that...  _Oh, Maker._ Cullen's insides felt like they were on fire when he thought about it. She hadn't come to him in private again, but he was reassured that she still meant what she said by the looks she gave him when were in the same room. She was the epitomy of a professional when she was in her role of Inquisitor. But when no one else was looking, she turned her radiant face towards him and her expression said it all. She  _wanted_ him.

He couldn't really understand why, though. He didn't feel like someone even worth noticing. He didn't doubt his importance as Commander of the Inquisition's forces, but his personality in private?

Cullen didn't have much experience with women, and certainly not of anyone like her. He doubted the likes of her even existed. It wasn't as though he'd never been with a woman before, but never with someone he cared that much for. It had always been chance meetings, mutual needs for physical relief, but never anything more. Truth be told, Cullen hadn't exactly had an easy life, and he'd never had a quiet time in his life where duty didn't come first. His sense of duty now was stronger than ever, but she beat all the reason and logic straight out of him. He was still doing his job as Commander, and doing it well. But he just couldn't stop thinking about her. He didn't really know what to do, as this was not a familiar feeling for him.

But he could tell, more and more with each passing day, that he had caught her interest in a very I-want-to-be-more-than-friends-kind of way. Or more like I-want-to-tear-your-clothes-off-kind of way. And, oh, he would let her do  _that_ anytime she liked.

One evening, just after dark had fallen over Skyhold, Cullen found himself walking aimlessly in the lower floors of the keep. He'd been on his way back from the kitchen to his office grabbing a late snack, but was disappointed that he hadn't seen  _her._  So he walked around down there for a bit before going back, enjoying the unusual quiet of the normally bustling keep. He felt comfortable down there in the torchlit corridors. In some places bookshelves lined the walls, and he almost felt at home.

He could smell her before he saw or heard her. That lovely jasmine-honey-scent, he would know anywhere. He turned around just as she was about to jump at him and scare him.

"Aww! You ruined it now! Bad,  _bad_  Cullen."

He couldn't help but laugh at her as she stood with her hands on her hips, those painfully gorgeous swelling hips, and her head to her side with one eyebrow up, looking at him with a sceptical and at the same time amused look.

"You may be sneaky, my Lady, but I'm not so easy to sneak up on," he snickered.

"Oh, challenge accepted! When you least expect it, I swear!" she exclaimed in a dramatic voice.

He laughed again, and couldn't wipe the grin off his face after.

"And Cullen, tsk tsk, what have I told you to call me? We are  _alone,_ remember?"

Oh, he remembered. It was all he could think of right now.

"I beg your forgiveness, Trev. Can you? Forgive me?" he said, mimicking the same dramatic tone she had moments before.

She laughed, and a ripple of pleasure went through Cullen's body at the sound. The fact that he could make her happy and laugh excited him.

Her expression quickly went from laughter to mischievious smile, as she took one step closer to him. She was standing right in front of him now, so very close. He breathed her in, and felt almost intoxicated by her scent. His heart was pounding loudly in his chest, and when he saw her hand moving towards him, he thought that maybe the world had ended and this was just a dream.

_Holy Maker, she's going to touch me._

Her fingertips brushed the stubble on his cheek, and Cullen couldn't breathe. A heat spread through his entire body in a second, a desire to have her touch him more, everywhere, and to touch her back. But he didn't dare move.

"Yes, Cullen. I forgive you." She leaned in and he felt it. Her soft lips on his cheek. She lingered there for several seconds, her lips no longer kissing him, but hovering so close he could feel her breath on his skin. She ran her fingertips light as feather down his neck and whispered in his ear: "You are positively...  _delicious._ "

With that, she took a step back and watched his face intently. He stood with his mouth slightly open, breathing heavily, eyes burning almost black with desire. She seemed to like his reaction. She smiled and blew him a kiss in the air before turning and walking up the stairs.

Cullen stood, as ususal, frozen in place. He raised his hand to touch the spot where she had kissed him. He had wanted her to kiss his lips so badly, and cursed himself for not having been able to move. What was he so afraid of? She  _obviously_ wouldn't have objected if he had kissed her, but Maker, he wouldn't have been able to stop at just a kiss.

And the fact that this goddess seemed to want him was still utterly incomprehensible to him. He needed time to wrap his head around this now very obvious fact. But what he needed most was an ice-cold shower. He groaned when he thought, for the thousandth time, of what she had said in his office.


	3. Chapter 3

It was a cold morning in Skyhold. Cullen stood up on the battlements with a small group of soldiers, overseeing their training. They were practising with their shields and wooden swords, attacking, blocking, parrying.

They were doing fine the first hour, but then they started fumbling, making stupid mistakes and knocking each other over.

"Maker, what are you doing, you idiots?" Cullen shouted at them. It wasn't until one of the soldiers actually stopped what he was doing altogether and started bowing in his direction that Cullen turned around to see the Inquisitor standing a few steps behind him, watching the soldiers, that he understood. He wasn't the only one who turned into a nervous idiot when she was around. Still, he sighed at the embarrassing display his men made, and greeted her formally, still in earshot of the soldiers.

"Good morning Inquisitor. I beg your pardon for this not so graceful spectacle."

The look on his face made Trevelyan laugh.

"It's quite alright, Commander," she said, then turned to the soldiers. "Looking good men, carry on, don't mind me!" she called to them.

They all nearly tripped on each other bowing, stepping forward and saying thinks like "Thank you, Herald!" and "Oh, your worship, we're don't deserve your praise!" and "I'd do anything for you, Inquisitor!"

She smiled kindly in response while Cullen groaned.

"Back to work, you blabbering fools! Or I'll add two hours of cleaning out the stables on your scheduele this morning!"

That worked reasonably well as they at least started their drills again, although still nervous under the Inquisitor's gaze.

Trevelyan came up and stood beside Cullen, watching, still with an amused smile on her face.

"I'm sorry Trev, but I don't think you should be here," Cullen said in a lower voice so that his men wouldn't hear.

She blinked and seemed a little surprised.

"Oh. I just wanted to see how our soldiers were faring, and to see how you were doing, but if you don't want my company, I understand." She sounded uncharacteristically unsure of herself.

Cullen turned to look at her and couldn't help but smile at her. He loved her ususal confident manner, it made his knees weak that she was so set on what she wanted. But this was a new side of her, and it made him adore her even more.

"You really don't get it, do you?" he said.

She seemed even more confused now. "Have I done something wrong, Cullen?"

"No, you're just being yourself," he said.

A look of hurt passed her face. Cullen looked horrified when he saw it.

"By the Maker, Trev, I didn't mean it like that! You really don't know how you affect these people, do you?"  _How you affect me,_ he thought. "You're a hero in every possible way to them. And, I know you don't like to hear it, but it's true, Andraste it's so true, you're most likely the most beautiful woman they've ever seen, Trev. You... make them nervous. So, I just mean that it may not be optimal for you to be here during training sessions when they trip all over themselves just by the sight of you."

There was silence, and Cullen bit his tongue when he thought about what he's just said. He'd practically confessed that he felt the same way his soldiers did. He blushed furiously when she didn't say anything in response. They stood side by side for a minute, not saying anything. Then, she nudged his side with her elbow, still looking straight ahead.

"I don't mind you saying I'm beautiful, Cullen. Do you... think that?"

He swallowed.

"Yes, of course I do. But it's not just that." He couldn't pass this opportunity up, no matter how embarrassed he might feel, confessing to her. "You are amazing in every aspect, Trev. How beautiful you are is just one thing of many."

A short silence. He was fidgeting with his hands now, unsure of wether he'd just complimented or insulted her.

He glanced sideways at her and almost sank to the ground in relief when he saw the beginning of a smile tug at her lips. He dared to turn his head and get a better look at her, and was surprised when he saw that it wasn't her usual cheeky smile. She looked genuinely touched by his words. She looked at him now, and he could almost detect a teary look in her eyes.

She grabbed his hand. "You don't know how much it means to hear you say that. And I know you mean it. You're the most sincere man I've ever come across, Cullen. I knew it the first time I saw you. That's why I've... been so bold with you ever since the beginning. I'm sorry if I've made you uncomfortable. I want you to know, that I really... I really care about you."

She was the one searching for the right words this time.

"That's why I..." she continued, but Cullen interrupted her.

"You don't have to explain to me, Trev." He pulled her a little closer, daring to rest his forehead against hers. He closed his eyes and breathed her in. "And whatever you're doing, please don't stop being bold with me. It's damned well working," he said, his voice husky and low.

She let out a small sound, so pleasing to his ears. It was so intense, standing so close to her, touching her. He felt more than her forehead against him, her body pressing into his. They both breathed heavily, and he could feel her tilting her head up, her lips so close to his own, he felt her breath on them now.

A sword clattered to the ground, and they both froze, remembering where they were. They looked out and found they had an audience. All the soldiers were watching them with open mouths, and all around the battlements, couriers and servants had stopped to watch them, shock and excitement in their faces.

Cullen groaned as he quickly released Trev from his grip.

"Well, damn. In about five minutes, we're going to be the talk of Skyhold."

She laughed. "Let them talk. See you tonight, Commander?" she asked, her smile beaming at him.

"I'll grant you your every wish, Inquisitor," he said, smiling back at her, gazing at her beautiful face.

"Until tonight then." With that, she walked away, and left him, along with half of Skyhold, looking after her in wonder.


	4. Chapter 4

He was staring at her. He knew it was inappropriate to do it when there were other people around, but Maker, he couldn't help himself.

She was putting on a show for him. It was like a promise of what was to come, at least he ceartainly hoped so.

Right now, they were standing in the war room, joined by Cassandra, Leliana and Josephine as always. They were discussing the best way to deal with the enemy here and there, what scout to send where and so on. Cullen could do that in his sleep, so focusing the better part of his attention on Trev wasn't a problem.

She'd changed out of the usual attire she wore around Skyhold and swapped it for a dress. It was summer and there weren't any meetings on the Inquisitor's agenda later that day, so nobody gave it a second thought except for Cullen.

It was a dainty little thing, made of some soft material Cullen was certain he couldn't name, beige and white, and didn't leave much to the imagination. It wasn't scandalously short, but it was enough to drive him mad. It fell just above her knees, and that v-shaped neckline, plunging down in what he was sure was the latest Orlesian fashion or something like it, well... he couldn't let his eyes linger there for too long or he would have to go and do something about his arising problem.

His eyes were fixed on her as she bent over the table, moving pieces around the map. He could tell she purposely exposed certain angles of herself to him, all for his viewing pleasure. When she spoke, he watched her full, slightly rosy lips as they moved, thinking of what he wanted to do to those lips, what he wanted those lips to do to him. When the others' attention was on the map, she turned her head ever so slightly his way and looked at him, eyeing him from head to toe, her eyes full of lust while she bit her lower lip. The sight of it almost made him moan out loud. He could hardly believe he was actually seeing this insanely sexy, fairylike creature doing all this for him, to get his attention.

After what felt like forever, the meeting was concluded and the others left the room. Only Cullen and Trev were left now, standing across the table from one another, staring at each other hungrily, their breathing heavy.

Cullen surprised himself when he was the first to move, striding around the table to her. He just couldn't control himself.

He placed his hands on her waist, pushing her slightly against the table.

She bit her lower lip again, his face hovering so close to hers now.

"You make me crazy, you do know that, right?" he mumbled while staring at her lips.

"You're not the only one who's going crazy," she whispered, pulling him down a bit so her mouth just about touched the skin of his ear. "You're so damned handsome, always carrying yourself like a warrior, and your face is so ridiculously attractive, do you know that? All the girls swoon over you, myself included."

Cullen chuckled a little. "Yes, I'm sure," he said.

She looked at him, her face dead serious. "I mean it, Cullen. All the girls and all the women are talking about the hot Inquisition commander. You just don't see yourself like we do. Like I do."

"They must be talking about someone else," he laughed again, certain she was mistaken.

"You stubborn fool! How many commanders of the Inquisition do we have?" she exclaimed, but couldn't stop herself from smiling. "Well, it doesn't really matter, does it?" Her voice lowered, and she let her fingers slide over his lips while she looked him in the eyes. "You're not going to be craving anyone else's attention, I hope?"

"Never," he whispered, and then he pressed his lips against hers.

Heat surged between them, and she moaned slightly as their tongues found each other. Cullen's blood was set on fire as he let his hands roam over her, kissing her as if he would die if he stopped, one hand squeezing her hip while the other moved down and found its way under her dress, caressing her bare leg . He felt her breath hitch as his fingertips moved against her inner thigh, creeping slowly upwards. He revelled in her reaction as she pressed her body even harder against his, her kiss deepening and her tongue desperate to conquer his.

He knew he would have to stop now or he absolutely wouldn't be able to stop himself from going any further. He wanted to take his time with her, by the Maker, this was their first kiss. He gathered every last ounce of willpower and broke away from her lips, resting his head against her shoulder for a moment while he tried to calm his breathing.

He took a step back and she looked divine, her golden hair a bit dishevelled, her face heated and her lips swollen. And those eyes, looking up at him from under her lashes with such desire. He groaned and felt his determination shatter and pulled her against him, his lips crashing down on hers again.

"You are far too tempting, Trev," he whispered when she started kissing her way down his jaw and neck. He could barely breathe. The feeling of her lips and tongue on his skin was the most exquisitely pleasurable feeling he'd ever had. Not even sex with other women had felt this good.

She circled back to his ear, licking it before she bit him softly.

"Fuck!" he exclaimed, the unexpected pleasure making him so hard it hurt. She laughed against him with delight and continued her exploration of his ear while her fingers slid inside the lining of his breeches.

He broke away from her again a took several steps back, this time keeping his eyes closed. He knew he was lost if he even glanced at her again.

"Trev, you're going to make me... I... I need a bucket of ice to put my head in, now..." he mumbled and turned, fleeing the room to the sound of her soft laughter.

He covered his ears, even the sound of her made his body beg him to go back.

The servants he passed on his way wondered why the Commander was running through Skyhold, holding his hands over his ears looking like he was being chased by a demon.


	5. Chapter 5

Later that afternoon, Cullen stood drenched in sweat in the courtyard, his hands wrapped in cloth, beating on a now very mangled practise dummy. Cassandra joined him after a while, hacking away at her own dummy.

"Blowing off some steam, Commander?" she asked, her tone unusually amused.

Cullen stopped to catch his breath before beginning his assault again.

"Yes, you could say that. Got to stay in shape, can't be shuffling papers all day, or I'll lose my edge."

While that was partly true, that was not his reason today. After trying everything he could think of to take his mind off Trev and what had happened earlier in the war room, and failing miserably, the only option left was sweating it out by some good, old physical exertion. That didn't really work either, but he had to do something with himself or he would go crazy.

He just couldn't stop thinking about her. Her warm, soft lips, her body  _pressed_ against him...

He hit the dummy so hard it fell off the pole it was attached to.

Cassandra raised her eyebrows at him.

"What has that poor thing ever done to you, Commander?"

Cullen stood with his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath to answer Cassandra when he heard the main gate to Skyhold open.

Cassandra looked in the gate's direction, although it was a bit far away to actually see who came through.

"The Inquisitor must be back already. I should think that's a good sign," she said.

"She's been outside today?" he asked, a little surprised.

"Yes. She wasn't supposed to leave on a mission until tomorrow, but there have been reports of a possible red lyrium outbreak not far from here, and she insisted on finding out herself, as always. You know how she is."

Cullen knew. She was dedicated to their cause in a way that mirrored his own, and he admired her greatly for it. She could have done nothing when she came out marked from the Conclave, but she'd immediately accepted her role and did everything in her power to help, and lead the inquisiton in the best way she could.

Which was in an excellent way, Cullen knew everybody who was a part of this thought so. She was so clever, using every bit of information to their advantage. She managed to balance following her council's advice, delegating what could be handled by others and managing much of it on her own as well. She didn't mind being camped out in a wasteland for weeks of it meant she could secure an advantage to the inquisiton, sleeping on the cold, hard ground and fighting every day.

Nobody could say no to any of her requests, knowing that she would do, and had gladly done, much harder tasks herself. That combined with her status as Herald of Andraste, which she didn't push but didn't refute either, made her a leader that the people would follow anywhere, and give their lives for.

Cullen also knew that it wasn't exactly a disadvantage that she looked like something out of a legend, with her long, golden hair, her almost frighteningly beautiful face, her twin daggers at her back when she was in her light armor. She looked like a warrior godess, so stunning that some people could hardly look at her without averting their eyes, feeling like they were watching Andraste herself.

Cullen snapped out of his thoughts when he glimpsed her at a distance, the sunlight catching her hair, and watched her ride her horse over to the stables.

"Cullen? Are you listening?" Cassandra poked him with the dull training blade in her hand.

"What? Sorry, Cassandra, you were saying?"

The seeker rolled her eyes at him. "I said, I'm going to the war room, we have to go over some last minute details before setting out on tomorrow's mission. We don't really need you there, it's mostly Josephine's type of business, but you should talk to the soldiers we're taking with us, inform them of the mission." She inclined her head towards the stables. "Go tell the Inquisitor to meet us there as soon as possible, would you?"

Cullen nodded, perhaps a bit too eagerly.

"Yes yes, I know you're dying to see her, just don't hold her up for too long, Commander Charming," she said, shaking her head at him.

"Wh-what?" Cullen stuttered. "I don't know what you're talking about, Cassandra."

"Ha! After your little display on the battlements this morning with the Inquisitor, don't try to play innocent with me, or anyone else, Commander. As long as you do your job and she does hers, nobody is going to object. In fact, the people haven't been so excited in a long, long time. You've given them something intriguing and fun to talk about. That's worth something." With a hint of a smile, Cassandra turned around and set off towards the stairs up to the castle.

"Andraste, help me," Cullen mumbled, but wasted no time and started walking towards the stables, excited to see Trev, even if it was just for a moment.

He found her standing outside the horsebox where her mare now stood, eating an apple out of her hand while she hummed softly to it. Trev had some blood spattered on her armor, but she didn't look injured or even tired. Cullen sighed to himself in relief, as always when she came back safely.

He hadn't alerted her to his precense yet. He was enjoying seeing her seemingly at peace, knowing the pressure of her role as Inquisitor was sure to weigh on her shoulders most of the time. He watched as she gently stroked the horse's muzzle, and he could feel something inside him stir, his raw and heated desire for her transforming into something deeper. He could feel his heart beating for her, only for her. Up until now, he hadn't really been able to think cleary, blinded by his physical need for her. But he could feel it so clearly now.

_Sweet Maker, I think I love her._

No, he  _knew_ he did.

He walked over to her and said her name in a gentle voice, not wanting to frighten her or the mare.

She turned around and her whole face lit up when she saw him. It made his heart flutter.

"Hey, you," she said.

He gently ran his fingers through her hair, enjoying the silky feel of it. She looked up at him expectantly, and he tilted his head down and kissed her, softly, keeping the worst of the ravenous desire out of the kiss. He continued stroking her hair while slowly deepening the kiss, trying to show her how much she meant to him.

He could feel her melt into him.

"You make my knees weak, Cullen," she whispered between his lips.

He couldn't help himself as she pressed closer to him, her hand caressing his neck, her mouth kissing him more urgently by the second.

"I want you _,"_  he murmured in a low, raspy voice.

He could feel her smile against his lips.

"I'm covered in sweat and dirt, Cullen."

He trailed slow, wet kisses down her neck.

"I like you dirty," he whispered and looked at her face when he heard a small gasp escape her. He was relieved to see he hadn't gone too far, quite the opposite. She looked like she wanted him to take her right there against the stable wall, eyes dark as she bit her lip so hard it looked like it was going to break.

Spurred on by her reaction, he gave her a last, hungry kiss before withdrawing and putting his forehead against hers.

"They need you in the war room as soon as possible. After that, no more waiting, no more playing around. The rest of the evening you are  _mine_." She moaned and tried to kiss him again but he backed away slightly, a rush of confidence running through him from her response. He looked her in the eyes. "Is that clear?"

She looked beyond excited.

"Oh, yes, Commander," she said and licked her lips.

Cullen groaned inwardly at the sight. So, so tempting.

He turned and walked away, trying to stay calm and leave her wanting more, like she always did with him.

It seemed to work, as he glanced back while walking out of the stables, seeing her leaning back against the door, staring after him with her fingers unconsciously running along her lips and tracing the path he'd kissed her down her neck. He thought he heard her mumble a prayer to the Maker.

Oh, it was definitely working.


	6. Chapter 6

Cullen was pacing nervously in Trev's private quarters. He'd thought about waiting for her in his office but decided against it. The hole in the roof over his bed wasn't exactly romantic. She would probably come here first anyway. He couldn't stand waiting for her a single second more than absolutely nessecary.

He'd lit a fire in her fireplace, and had a bottle of wine and two glasses ready on the table. The bottle was actually half-full by now, a result of Cullen trying to calm his nerves.

Trev's bedroom was warm and cozy, and as the last of the daylight disappeared from the sky and darkness settled, Cullen sighed and sat down in a chair next to the table, taking another gulp of the wine. He leaned back and tried to relax a little as he could feel the gentle buzz of the alcohol setting in. He wasn't drunk by any means, he just needed a little help letting go of his nervous fidgeting.

The things he wanted to do to Trev... he would need all the courage he could get, because Maker help him, he  _would_ do them to her.

He closed his eyes and thought about what it was like kissing her delicious lips, running his tongue over them, wetting them for him before he pushed his tongue in to meet hers, the fervor in which she responded. He thought about what she would look like without her clothes on, about touching her naked body,  _everywhere_...

Cullen gripped the edge of the table so hard his knuckles whitened, groaning at the discomfort of his hardness straining against the confines of his breeches. If she didn't come soon, he'd go crazy and hit something to release some frustration.

He sat there trying to calm himself for another ten minutes or so, before he finally heard footsteps from the stairs below. He sprang to his feet and waited, his blood pumping hard and fast in his veins, nerves and excitement battling with each other.

Then she came. Trev hurried through her door, out of breath. She hadn't spotted Cullen yet, and she leaned against the door after she'd shut it, eyes closed, trying to calm her breathing.

"In a hurry for something?" Cullen said, a nervous smile playing on his lips as she looked at him in surprise.

"Cullen! You're already here!"

He stood still, revelling in watching her as her face quickly turned from surprised to something else, something that made his head spin. She lowered her eyes and drank in his body, covered only by his breeches and a shirt clinging snugly to his chest.

She let out a small, purring sound and looked him straight in the eyes. "You're  _so, damned_ sexy," she said.

He didn't need any more encouragement than that. In a few, swift strides he was on her, pushing her against the door. He crashed his lips down on hers, and moaned as she immediately gave his tongue access to her mouth. His hands were touching her everywhere, the feeling of her soft flesh on his fingertips, finding their way under her clothes. She arched her head back and gasped when he found one of her breasts, squeezing it and flicking his thumb over her nipple.

"Cullen, ah... you..." She moaned his name but her gasps and sounds of pleasure stopped her from saying anything else.

"Yes, Trev, tell me what you want," he breathed, kissing her lips again, his hands still roaming all over her.

She broke the kiss and grabbed his neck, making him look at her. Her eyes were burning with lust. She took his hand and steered it down, passing her breasts, down her stomach and inside the lining of her trousers.

Cullen felt like he would explode when she placed his hand between her legs. She placed her lips against his ear.

"Do you feel how wet you make me, Cullen? I want you to  _ravage_ me."

He lost every semblance of self-control and with a growl he grabbed both her wrists and shoved them against the door above her head, kissing her furiously, pushing his tongue into her eager mouth. He felt like he was going mad when she pressed herself against him, grinding at his erection.

"Harder," she damanded, panting.

He pushed her up further against the door and her feet left the ground as she snaked her legs around his waist.

He grinded against her, his blood pounding and burning. If it weren't for their clothes, he would be  _inside_ her now.

He turned around and carried her over to the bed, and it took all his strenght not to fall to his knees as she licked and bit his neck, kissing it after each little bite.

He lay her down on her back, walking over her on his knees, placing himself above her. He gripped her jacket with both hands and ripped it apart, buttons flying everywhere. She looked shocked and absolutely delighted.

"More, more," she said and he was only too happy to obey.

His eyes roamed over her naked upper body, his eyes wide as he took in the sight of her swelling breasts. She teased him further by taking her hands slowly down from her neck to the side of her breasts, touching herself for him.

"Take off your clothes, Cullen. All of them, and then you can touch me like I'm touching myself," she whispered.

He instantly sat up and pulled off his shirt and fumbled with the lining to his breeches before finally getting them off, while she crawled out of hers.

She was lying naked before him. She was so beautiful, his eyes almost felt like they hurt when they drank her in. Her lush, golden hair flowed around her head like a halo, and her creamy white skin looked so unbelievably soft.

She was watching him as well, her eyes darting back and forth between his muscular upper body and his hard cock. She reached out to touch his chest, and he closed his eyes and swallowed hard when her fingertips trailed a path from there and down, all the way down...

He let out a loud moan when he felt her hand wrap around his erection. He bent over her, taking one of her breasts into his mouth, sucking and biting and adapting to her reactions.

"Oh Cullen! Don't... ever stop," she moaned.

He let his fingers push against the wetness between her legs, circling the spot that made her back arch while she cried out in pleasure.

Still, she did not forget him.

"Sweet Maker! Trev...  _Fuck!_ " he screamed out as she began moving her hand up and down his cock. She captured his lower lip with her teeth, grazing it with them and kissing him hard. She ran her hands along his toned, muscular arms and gripped them hard.

"Yes, fuck me, Cullen," she whispered into his mouth.

He let out an almost pained noise, and placed himself between her legs. He let her guide him to her entrance and then he  _pushed._

She screamed with pleasure, and Cullen's eyes rolled back into his head. He kept pushing, desperate to come all the way in to her core.

"Maker, so tight, Trev..." he mumbled between his breaths.

She started pushing back in response, moving to meet him, taking him further into her.

Cullen could only form one coherent thought while he was thrusting into her, the sounds that came out of her made all reason impossible. But he knew that this was the most overwhelming, exquisite experience of his life. He was making love to a living godess, and he would worship her every day for the rest of his life.

She pulled him down to kiss her, her sweat mixing with his, the scent of her making him feel intoxicated. He let his hand glide down to her most sensitive spot and worked his fingers furiously on her, hearing her moaning intensify, her body becoming more and more rigid until she shook and screamed out her release, soaking his hand with her wetness.

It ripped his sanity to shreds, and he moved faster and faster inside her.

It was her words that drove him over the edge.

"Come for me, Cullen..." She dug her nails into his back. "Come  _inside_  me."

He let out a guttural moan as he did as she asked and spent himself completely in her.

He sank down, resting his head on her chest. He listened to her heartbeat and felt her arms cradle his head. He'd never felt so content in his life.

"That was... incredible," she said in a soft voice, and Cullen grinned as he could hear the smile in her voice. He propped himself up on one elbow and looked at her, the flames from the fireplace casting a dancing light on her face.

"You're the most beautiful creature I've ever seen, Trev. And I'm the luckiest man alive," he said before he kissed her, softly. She melted into his kiss.

"I'm the lucky one," she whispered.

He pulled her against his chest and she was soon asleep. Cullen lay awake for a while, wondering what he had done to deserve her, to be so happy. He swore to himself that he would do everything in his power to keep her safe and happy. The Maker truly smiled upon him now.

But such things would not always be in his power, and he would soon discover that the favor of the Maker, if there were such a thing, was fleeting indeed.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We find out what Trev said to Cullen that day in his office...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Added some new tags... I'm going to add them as they show up with each new chapter, as well as warnings, don't want to spoil how the story is going to progress too far ahead. So please read them before you read each new chapter IF you're sensitive and on the lookout for certain warnings. Otherwise I suggest you don't, since I think it's mildly spoilerish :)

It was a night of celebration.

Trev and her party had returned to Skyhold that morning, welcomed back by a crowd of cheering people. Word had spread that the Inquisitor had just sealed the last known outer rifts. The final battle was yet to come, but for now, people were at least safe from the demons.

It was well past midnight when another round of drinks were passed around the table in the tavern. They were all there, Trev, her companions and advisers.

Cullen smiled as he watched her shake with laughter at some story Varric was telling them. Everyone gathered were in good spirits, and quite uninhibited by all the alcohol, including himself. He didn't feel as self-conscious as he normally did. He actually felt like he was among friends when he glanced around at their flushed faces and happily joined in the conversation.

Iron Bull had a girl in his lap as usual, and a cup of some vile liquid in his free hand. He laughed and singed and kissed the girl's neck from time to time. Usually, Cullen's face would flush at such a display, but now he only wished he had Trev on his lap like that.

She sat at the opposite side of the table next to Dorian and Varric, and listened to Varric with a fascinated expression on her face. Cullen listened in as Varric wrapped up his tale and they all laughed at the absurd and obviously exaggerated ending.

"So, tell me Varric, when does the next installment of Hard in Hightown come out?" Trev asked the dwarf and took another sip of her wine.

Cassandra's head snapped up from the conversation she was having with Josephine, and suddenly looked very eager.

"Yes, Varric, tell us! What's going to happen? I must know!" Cassandra's words slurred a little bit, and they all snickered, all of them finding Cassandra's weakness for Varric's questionable litterature very amusing.

"Hey now, you can't rush these things. I need inspiration first," Varric said. His eyes caught at Cullen's face. "Maybe Curly here could provide us some. Tell us something exciting about you and the Inquisitor, Commander. Maybe some tales from her bedchamber?"

"Hey!" Trev jokingly slapped the dwarf's arm while Cullen groaned and looked down into his now empty cup. Everyone laughed and focused their attention on Cullen.

"Oh, look, he's actually blushing, how sweet!" Josephine exclaimed.

"I don't know why though. He doesn't seem so shy when he's tumbling around in her bed. My scouts tell me they can hear him, and I quote, 'howling like a wolf' when they pass her quarters or his office sometimes," Leliana teased. "And by the way, I'm impressed, Cullen. They report that our dear Inquisitor is even louder than you."

Ooohhhs and aaahhs went around the table as they all looked from Trev to Cullen and back.

"Maker's breath! What's wrong with you people? Trev, are you just going to let this go on?" Cullen sputtered, his face so red he could feel the heat from it, not just from the alcohol.

Trev just smiled and shrugged in an I-can't-help-you kind of way. She actually looked like she was enjoying watching him squirm like this.

"What can I say, Cullen? They're only speaking the truth. You  _do_ make me purr like an animal between the sheets."

Cassandra rolled her eyes at them, and Josephine's hand flew up to her mouth as she tried to stop herself from laughing, while Dorian and Varric bent over double from laughter at the sight of Cullen's expression.

Iron Bull slapped Cullen's back so hard that he dropped his cup on the floor.

"Yeah that's good, Commander, you keep practising putting your sword in her sheath, you never know what tomorrow brings!" he bellowed, before returning his attention to the girl in his lap.

Cullen groaned again. "I'm going to need something stronger than wine to get me through this night," he muttered as the others roared with laughter again, including Trev.

He got up and asked the barman to fill up a cup of the strongest spirits he had before returning to the table. The others chattered on and he could feel Trev's eyes on him. He sat down and raised his cup to his lips and drank. He almost sputtered it all out when he saw her begin to unbotton her jacket, exposing more and more skin. She continued down, and Cullen could see the start of her swelling breasts push against the tiny bit of her jacket that was still closed.

He swallowed hard, wondering what she was thinking, almost undressing herself in public like this. He was surprised when he could feel how aroused it made him, and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat, but allowed his eyes to drink her in. She was looking straight into his eyes as she let her hand fall from her neck, agonizingly slow down over her chest, hugging the curves of her body all the way down until her hand disappeared under the table.

Cullen's eyes almost bulged out of his head as he watched her close her eyes briefly, biting her lower lip in that way he knew that  _she_ knew drew him crazy.

Was she... touching herself under the table?

He gulped and gripped the edge of the table with both hands to keep himself from falling off the bench. He felt himself grow painfully hard and he leaned forward, breathing hard, watching her.

"So, Commander? How about it? A little story for us now?" Varric interrupted Cullen's thoughts. The dwarf snickered at Cullen's expression yet again. "Fine, not a story like that then, Curly. Tell us... tell us about your life in the circle, when you first became a templar."

Several of the others turned their attention to Cullen, interested since he'd never talked much about his early days in Ferelden's Circle.

"I guess I can do that. I was nineteen years old when I first... uhm... when I... oh..."

The others raised their eyebrows at him. "You alright there, Commander?" asked Dorian, a smile playing on his lips.

"Yes, I... I'm just having a bit of trouble remem... aargh! Remembering, that's all. A little too much to drink maybe."

That was not the problem at all. The problem was the difficulty of forming a sentence while Trev's foot caressed his thigh before she started rubbing it between his legs.

Leliana, never one to be oblivious to anything, looked at Trev suspiciously.

"Inquisitor, maybe you'd better take our Commander on a little midnight snack. He looks positively ravenous," she said.

Everyone looked at Trev and Cullen again. Cullen would have been uncomfortable were it not for the fact that Iron Bull, sitting next to him, now had the girl from before straddling him, kissing her and going at it hot and heavy, completely shameless.

Cullen didn't know why, but it made him relax a little bit. Him and Trev were hardly the worst out of the bunch. Besides, the liquor certainly helped to take the edge of his embarrassment.

He took another swig of it and leaned forward, emboldened by the alcohol and before he could stop himself, he began to speak.

"Ah, who cares about my old Templar days anyway... I have a more interesting story for you. Maybe you could use it in your book, Varric. You all love teasing me so much, I might as well give in."

 _Damn, I should stop talking now,_  he thought to himself, but his brain didn't listen to reason and he continued.

"Who wants to know what Trev said to me in my office, the first time we were alone together?"

Their friends almost climbed over each other in excitement to scramble closer so they could hear him over the noisy background in the tavern.

"Me!"

"I do!"

"Spill!"

Exclamations came from all around the table, Josephine and Dorian raised their hands and waved them in the air in answer to his question. Even Sera, who up until now had been passed out under the table, peered up over the edge.

Cullen felt his courage waver a bit, and he looked at Trev, preparing himself for a look of disappointment or anger from her. Perhaps this was far too private.

But she just looked amused. "Yes, Cullen, tell these vultures what I said so they can have their fill." She winked at him.

"There I stood, nervous to just be in the same room with her alone. And she was so confident, of course. And beautiful." He looked at Trev and saw her trying to stop a smile from spreading across her face. He could almost detect a blush in her cheeks. Maker, she could say the cheekiest things to him without wavering, but when he called her beautiful, she blushed... It was adorable.

"Anyway, she had just asked me if I wanted to get to know her better. I said yes, obviously."

Everyone listened, paying close attention to his words, their eyes wide and excited.

"That's when she said it. Left me stunned and crazy for more..."

Josephine gasped and Cassandra looked spellbound. "Well? Go on then, don't keep us waiting, man!" Dorian said, looking as excited as the women.

"She came so close to me I thought my heart was going to stop. She leaned up and she said..." Cullen gulped, unsure if he should really go through with this. But the looks in his friends' eyes told him they'd probably beat him to death if he didn't, and Trev's eyes gleamed as she nodded encouragement to him.

"She said..." he continued, but Trev interrupted him

"I just want to tie you up and  _lick_ your entire body," she said, her voice both amused and breathy.

Josephine and Dorian sighed, their eyes longing, and Leliana let out a soft laugh. Sera passed out again, and Cassandra looked like she was about to do the same. Blackwall and Iron Bull laughed and crashed their cups together and drank.

Varric shook his head and laughed. "This stuff is priceless. Even I can't come up with shit like that, I've got to write this down," he said, searching his pocket for a piece of paper.

Cullen could feel the intensity of Trev's eyes gazing into his. He forgot the others were even there.

"So? Can we go now so you can... fulfill that promise?" he said, his voice husky.

"No."

They all looked at Trev again. Cullen felt a little hurt, briefly, until she spoke again.

"I'm going to make you beg for it."

Cullen felt his mouth fall open, as did half of the others around the table.

Iron Bull looked so intrigued, he sent the girl he was halfway through undressing up to his room ahead of him before turning his full attention to what was going on between Cullen and the Inquisitor.

"How?" Cullen's voice broke, his pulse racing, his emotions a confusing mix of lust and disbelief at the fact that they were having this conversation in front of everyone. But he supposed he was the one who started all this, and he had to see it through, if only to satisfy his curiosity of how far she would take this. He found himself wishing she would take it very far indeed, completely surprised by how much it turned him on, this dance they were doing in public.

"Tell me, Cullen. Tell me what you want to do with me," she said, her gaze burning into him.

He could hear the others draw in deep breaths, utterly enthralled by their exchange. Only Cassandra rose to her feet. "Maker, I cannot watch this, too much..." she mumbled before she stumbled out of the tavern.

Cullen stared back at Trev, his eyes gliding down to her exposed, creamy skin. He wanted his hands on her. Now.

 _I just want to tie you up and lick your entire body._ Her words ringed in his ears.

_Andraste, make it happen._

He stood up abruptly. He barely had time to register the pleased look on Trev's face before he had walked around the table and pulled her up to him. He kissed her hard, pressed himself against her barely clothed body. He didn't care about being embarrassed by the others watching. He actually shifted his head their way on purpose so they would hear what he said to her next, never breaking eye contact with Trev.

"You want me to beg? I'll beg, and plead, and do  _anything_  to please you. In the end, maybe  _you_ will be the one begging," he said before he kissed her ferociously again.

The last thing he heard was the sound of glasses and cups dropping to the table, and he glimpsed their friends' stunned faces, before Trev grabbed his shirt and dragged him out of the tavern.

She pulled him along until they reached a dark corner of the courtyard, where she slammed him against the wall and jumped up on him, wrapping her legs around his waist.

"I can't wait all the way to my quarters, I can't handle it," Trev breathed between kisses.

"Here?" Cullen asked, unsure of himself now. "What if someone..."

"Sees us?" She finished the sentence for him. "You didn't seem to mind everyone watching a few moments ago. Besides, nobody is out now. And if they are, they're not going to see it's us. If you're worried, just try to be quiet."

"Quiet?" He kissed her neck and squeezed her flesh, pushing her against his hardness. "Impossible. There's nothing quiet about what you do to me."

He pushed her against the stone wall, and she dropped her feet to the ground, her hands working deperately to untie his breeches. He tried to do the same to her when she slapped his hands away.

"You made me crazy tonight, talking like that in front of everyone. You're going to get a reward, Commander," she whispered and dropped to his knees in front of him.

Cullen couldn't believe what was happening.

_Is she going to...?_

He gasped and pushed his hand into the wall as he felt her lips around him,  _there_. He saw stars in front of his eyes as she enveloped him with her wet mouth, trying not to let out the guttural moan that tried to escape from his chest, and failing miserably. He bit down on his hand while she worked on him, and the sounds he could hear and feel from her against him were too much for him. He wouldn't last another minute like this.

"Shit, Trev, I can't..." he said as he dragged her up to his face. "I have to fuck you," he growled.

She smiled, looking very pleased with herself.

"I love it when you talk dirty like that, Ser Templar," she whispered and licked his ear, knowing it drove him mad with desire.

Cullen wasted no time, yanking down her trousers and grabbing one of her wrists, flipping her around so her face was against the wall, pinning her wrist above her head. She seemed to revel in his actions, moaning loudly, apparently not caring in the slightest whether anyone heard them or not.

He took his cock in his hand, still wet from her mouth, and placed it between her legs. He thrust himself into her and looked down, revelling in how she looked against him, her ass bouncing up and down as he took her from behind. He bit down into her shoulder to stop himself from screaming out his pleasure.

Trev didn't have that luxury and couldn't stop herself from moaning with pleasure.

"Shit, I don't want  _that_ big of an audience," she whimpered in between her moans. "Cullen, stop me," she said and grabbed his left hand, pulling it up to her face, motioning for him to clamp it over her mouth. "Silence me, good and tight now, Ser Templar.  _Hard,_ " she whispered.

Her commanding him to be rough with her excited him more than he would have expected, and her calling him Templar as well. He made a mental note to remember that in the future. For now, he complied and put his hand over her mouth, muffling her sounds. She went wild and moaned even louder into his hand, forcing him to clamp down even harder, excited to feel her reaction as she pushed herself more desperately against him, moving to meet him like she wanted him as deep as he could possibly get.

It all drove him over the edge and he bit down into her shoulder harder and with a few, final thrusts, he spent himself in her.

They stood like that for a while, out of breath and trying to be quiet.

"Maker's breath, Trev, that was so intense," he whispered. He could feel her laugh softly as he wrapped his arms tighter around her, kissing her skin where he'd nearly broken it from biting into it. She didn't seem to mind.

She turned her face slightly to his.

"Next time, I  _will_ make you beg, and then I'll make good on my promise."


	8. Chapter 8

After Corypheus had been defeated, business in Skyhold calmed down a bit. The Inquisition still had plenty of work cut out for itself, but at least it wasn't always a matter of life and death anymore.

Most importantly to Cullen, he had much more time to... pursue the Inquisitor.

He wondered if there would ever be an end to his growing desire for her. He had thought that having her would make his need level out a bit, not continue to grow with each passing day, as it did. The more he saw here, the more he  _touched_ her and kissed her and the more he made love to her...

The more he wanted her. Always hungry for more.

He would have felt awkward and not a little creepy with his obsession over her were it not for the fact that she seemed to feel equally as obsessed over him.

She often surprised him when he was walking the corridors of Skyhold, appearing out of nowhere and pulling him into a dark corner, kissing him and touching him and whispering things in his ear that made his knees weak. He loved her stealthy ways.

Other times, she would do the opposite of sneaking by dismissing an entire room full of people, because according to her, she refused to wait another second to kiss him while he stood there and looked so tempting.

She had done just such a thing yesterday. Cullen felt his face flush when he thought of it and had to lean back against the wall in his office for support when the memory swept in.

Trev had been sitting in the throne room in judgement, Cullen standing beside her, calling out the names and the supposed crimes of the accused.

After the last sentencing was done, she rose from her throne and said, loud and clear:

"Everybody out. I have important business to discuss with the Commander."

People rolled their eyes and some snickered, but they all obediently trudged out of the room while Trev instructed the guards to 'punch' anyone who tried to come in through the doors while she was in there.

"Wasn't that a little harsh..." Cullen began but was interrupted by her hungry lips on his.

"Hush, now. I have better things on my mind than talking..." she mumbled when she withdrew from the kiss to breathe.

"Oh?" Cullen said while kissing her down her neck, one of his hands snaking down to her backside and pushing her against him so she could feel what she did to him.

"I want to play a game, Cullen. Do you want to play with me?" she asked and he nodded, trying to swallow the nervous feeling building in him. He wanted her, he just didn't want her to be disappointed in his performance.

"Remember, you don't have to do anything you don't want, Cullen. I just want a bit of fun, but if you want to stop, just say the word, no hard feelings."

He just nodded again, and gasped in surprise as she pushed him down into the throne.

"Wait here."

Cullen watched her disappear into her quarters. His heart was beating fast and he wondered what she had in store for him. It would probably be something good, something that made his blood burn, like always with her.

A few minutes later she came back. Cullen raised his eyebrows when he saw that she was wearing mage robes. Not covering a whole lot of skin, either.

His breath caught in his throat when she kneeled before him, putting her hands on his legs.

"Did you ever do something in the Circle that you shouldn't have, Cullen?" she almost whispered, her voice crackling with lust.

_Maker's breath! What is she doing?_

"N-no! What... what do you mean?"

She slid the hand on his leg further up, slowly, agonizingly slowly.

"There must have been an abundance of pretty, little mage girls there. And with the way that you look, Ser Templar... I can't imagine they left you alone. And don't try to deny it. There are girls chasing you everywhere. Like in Halamshiral, you know it."

Cullen didn't know what to say. Was she jealous? Was this some kind of trick to get him to admit something? Or was it just a game?

"I... I don't know..." was all he managed to say before her hand pressed against his inner thigh, so close to his growing erection that he whimpered. Actually whimpered, like a boy.

"Did you ever do something inappropriate with the mage girls?" She stretched herself up towards his face, offering him a full view down her robe, while her hand traced the contours of his face, with that feathery touch that made his breath hitch. "Did you like watching them? They must have been falling over each other, offering themselves up to the you." She put her mouth against his ear and her tongue darted out and licked him. "Did you take any of them?" she whispered.

For a second, Cullen had a horrible flashback to the time he was tortured in the Circle, the desire demon trying to break him with images of the Amell girl who he'd been infatuated with.

But that was a long time ago, and Trev was no demon. She was  _his._  He was a Templar no longer, and he could do what he wanted with her. He actually felt freed, empowered even, by the thought of turning this into a game. A way for him to take control, forget the torture that he'd always associated with his time in the Circle.

_Just let go._

No one but Trev would have control over him any longer.

"There... was a girl." He looked at Trev, searching for any anger in her face, but she looked pleased. He understood that it didn't matter if he told the truth or not. It was all part of the game.

"Tell me about her. What did you do to her?" She continued teasing his ear with her tongue, making it difficult for Cullen to speak.

"I watched her. I... watched her in ways that were not always appropriate."

Trev purred like a cat against his ear. "Bad,  _bad_ Templar."

"Yes..." he whispered, eyes closed as her hands were everywhere on him now, and she started working on unclasping his armor.

"What did you do to her? Did you kiss her?" She dropped pieces of his armor unceremoniously on the floor. "Did you fuck her?"

"N-no... I mean... yes... I kissed her once. But I stopped myself after that. I couldn't... defile her like that."

Cullen kept his eyes closed, not daring to look at Trev, not knowing how she would react. He heard something rip. He looked up to see her, now standing up before him, cutting her robes open with one of her daggers. The robes were cut down the middle, all the way down to her waist. Were it not for her long, flowing, golden hair hanging down over her shoulders and down her upper body, he would have seen her naked skin, flushed from heat.

"If I'd have been a pretty, little mage in your Circle... Would you have  _defiled_  me?" She looked at him with her chin tilted up defiantly, looking every bit the part of a cheeky mage.

"Andraste preserve me..." he mumbled. He'd never been turned on by anything like this before. It was so forbidden. Trev knew that. She wanted him to give in to the fantasy, he could tell.

"I said, would you have defiled me? Would I have made you break? Abandon all you vows, just for one, sweet little taste?" She was down on her knees again, touching the floor with her hands, actually crawling before him.

Cullen felt his head spin. She was giving up her power. She was always in control of everything, but Cullen understood that she sought release from that responsibility, if only for a short time.

He intended to give her that release.

He reached forward and gripped her wrist, hard.

" _Yes_."

She bowed her head and grabbed his ankle with her free hand, wrapping herself around it.

"Oh, Ser Templar, I've been such a bad little mageling!" she cried out in a voice much lighter and more innocent than her own. "I've seen the way you look at me when I study, the way your eyes roam over me when I'm practising, and I can't help myself... I touch myself every night, pretending it's your hands on me, your big, strong arms surrounding my small body. I want you to..."

She looked up at him, biting her lower lip, her eyes exaggeratedly big and innocent.

Cullen could feel himself being completely swept away, desperate to go along with the fantasy.

He yanked her up by the wrist he was still holding, so she had her face in his lap.

"You want to what? Tell me what you dream of me doing to you when you touch yourself," he snarled.

"I dream of you watching me in the library, waiting until the other mages and templars have all left. And then you walk up to me and drag me behind a bookshelf and have your wicked way with me," she whispered.

"More," he demanded, groaning as her hand began to stroke the inside of his thigh.

"You yank my robes up... You push me against the wall, you plant wet kisses all over my skin... You start to touch me between my legs, your glove still on..." Trev took his hand and took one of his fingers in her mouth, not caring that he did indeed have his gloves on. She sucked on it and moaned, and Cullen groaned and shifted in the throne, his erection painfully strained against the fabric that held it in, before she continued.

"Then you shove your finger inside me, and then another... and I know it's wrong, a Templar shouldn't be doing this to me, but Maker, it just feels so fucking  _good_..."

Cullen turned out to be right when he thought before that she would set his blood on fire. She'd talked dirty to him before but this was just a whole other level. He couldn't think straight, he just had to have her, in some way, in  _any_ way.

He dragged her up onto his lap, and ripped the rest of her robes open. The fabric fell to the floor and she was sitting on top of him, naked.

Cullen groaned as he searched for her opening, and pushed his still gloved hand against it, and pushed a finger in.

Trev threw her head back. "Yes, right there! Oh, Ser Templar! I knew you'd feel amazing."

She worked herself on top of him, pushing her hips up and down as she fucked herself with his fingers.

Cullen was breathing heavily, he knew he couldn't take this much longer.

"You're a naughty little one, aren't you? Do you think of all the templars like this? Do you dream of all of us fucking you?" he whispered, grabbing her neck with his other hand and forcing her to look at him.

"No... oh... only you, Ser..." she said, never ceasing to move her hips.

He lifted her off him and stood up and bent her over the side of the throne.

"I'll show you what I do to bad little mages like you," he said, his voice raspy and heavy with lust. He untied his breeches and pulled them down, freeing his hard cock. He grabbed it and guided it towards the wetness between her legs while holding both her wrists behind her back with his other hand.

Trev squirmed under him, trying to push herself up to meet him.

"Yes, do it! Show me Ser, I deserve it. Take me!" she whimpered.

He pushed himself into her and couldn't keep himself from groaning out loud, the feeling of her cunt clamping tightly around him was so exquisite.

"Sweet Maker, you're so  _big_ , Ser Templar... are all templars like this?"

Cullen pushed himself harder and faster into her, the sight of her squirming and moaning beneath him spurring him on.

"You are not going to even think of another templar besides me, is that clear? Or another mage. If I catch you with someone else, I'm going to make you pay. You understand?" he snarled at her, so deep into their game now, driven on by her reactions.

"That depends, Ser... How... oh  _Maker_... how would you make me pay?"

_So cheeky. Like she always is._

"I would kill the other man for touching what is mine, and then I would fuck you until you couldn't stand. You wouldn't even be able to walk afterwards."

Trev moaned and whimpered when she heard his words.

"I'm not sure that would discourage me, Ser... maybe if you threatened to never touch me again, I would promise to obey you."

Cullen's head was spinning, the pleasure of what they were doing making every sane thought disappear. He could feel himself getting closer to his release, and he started rubbing her on the spot that always made her come for him.

"Oh, yes, make me come, please, my Templar!" she screamed.

Cullen felt her tighten around him as her orgasm came, and she screamed his name over and over, like a prayer. He couldn't take anymore and he chanted her name as well when he came, emptying himself inside of her.

She was slumped over the throne with Cullen over her, both out of breath. As sanity slowly returned to Cullen, he started to worry he'd gone to far. He removed himself carefully from her, and sat down in the throne, pulling her into his lap.

He caressed her face and she nuzzled her head into his neck.

"Trev, I'm so sorry if... I went to far, I didn't mean to..."

He was silenced by a soft kiss on the lips.

"Stop it, silly. I wanted this, remember? I'm the one who was worried I was forcing you to do something you didn't want to. But I guess from your reaction..." She smiled at him and gently stroked his cheek with her hand. "You liked it?"

He tilted his face further into the palm of her hand. "More than I should probably admit."

She giggled softly. "You were perfect."

* * *

Cullen blushed at the memory, still leaning against the wall in his office. It almost seemed like a dream now.

He didn't know then that soon, dreams would be all that was left.


	9. Chapter 9

Cullen hadn't seen Trev for weeks. She'd gone off to Val Royeux on some political mission that he had nothing to do with, so there were no excuses for him to join her. He'd stayed in Skyhold, running things in her absece.

He'd gotten used to having her around more these days. He hated it when she had to leave, or if he had to leave her. He missed her laying next to him in bed. His nightmares were always worse if she wasn't there.

He missed hearing her speak, he missed the way she looked at him, he missed her smile, her beautiful, radiant smile. When she directed that smile at him, everything else disappeared and there was only her.

He'd been trying to work up the courage to tell her that he loved her. He had no idea why it was so hard. There was no doubt in his mind that he loved her with all his heart, and that he wanted to spend the rest of his days with her. He was even fairly certain that she felt the same about him. She regularly recieved a number of proposals, from various lords and even the occasional prince. She laughed them all off and told Cullen that she had something far better right here in Skyhold.

Maybe it was because saying those three little words just didn't seem like enough. They didn't do his feelings justice. He didn't just love her, he worshipped her, he'd die for her without a second's hesitation. Just being around her made him happier than he'd ever dreamed of being.

But maybe he was just a coward, afraid of rejection. He would still wonder sometimes, why in the Maker's name she wanted to be with him, of all the men she could have had. Men, and more than the occasional woman, threw themselves at her feet.

_She is without a doubt the most beautiful woman in Thedas._

Even Josephine had gasped in surprise all those months ago when she realised that the girl who stepped out of the Conclave ruins was the youngest Trevelyan. Apparently she was  _the_ Trevelyan, famous in all of the Free Marches and beyond for her stunning beauty, although her father had, for reasons unknown, refused to marry her off yet.

It wasn't just her beauty that made her so desirable now, though. She was the Inquisitor, the Herald of Andraste, and thus the most powerful woman in Thedas. And unlike the Divine, there was nothing stopping her from getting married.

Cullen ached at the thought. He wanted it to be him. He had pictured her more times than he wanted to admit, in a traditional Fereldan wedding dress, speaking the words of eternal promise before a Revered Mother while looking into his eyes. He'd dreamt of kissing her to conclude the ceremony, the guests appplauding while he held her in his arms, his forever.

But that wouldn't happen if he couldn't even muster up the courage to say those three simple little words.

_When she gets back, I will tell her, I swear._

* * *

Cullen was asleep when she returned from Val Royeaux in the middle of the night. He woke up when he felt her snuggle up against him under the covers.

"Trev..." he murmured and pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her as she kissed his cheek.

"I'm sorry Cullen, I didn't mean to wake you."

"Don't worry about it. How was your trip?"

"Long and boring. You know I hate politics. I'd rather stab something than listen to those stuck up Orlesians all day."

Cullen snickered. "You're good at stabbing, but unfortunately for you and fortunately for the Inquisition, no one is better at politics than you."

Trev feigned a dramatic sigh. "I know, it's my eternal curse to be the best at everything."

"Everything, you say?" Cullen said and pulled her on top of him. "Show me, then."

She laughed softly before she kissed him. Cullen moaned as she slid herself down his cock and started moving slowly.

"I've missed you so much..." she whispered. He felt his heart flutter at the tenderness in her voice.

"And I you, you have no idea."

He grabbed her hips and helped her move against him, pushing himself deeper into her. He caressed her beautiful, smooth skin, pale in the moonlight. He traced his fingers across her arms, her belly and finally her breasts and felt her shiver in pleasure.

She picked up the pace and started riding him harder, guiding his hand to her spot, moaning deliciously while he used his fingers to pleasure her. He could feel a tiny bead of her sweat dropping down on him, and he sat up and pulled her to him, her movements never ceasing. He pressed his upper body against hers and kissed her, his tongue playing with hers, revelling in the sounds she made into his mouth. Their sweat mingled, her scent making him heady with desire. He grabbed her ass with his hands and she whimpered and bucked against him, saying his name over and over as she came.

The pressure of her spasms around his cock made him join her, and he thrust himself into her a few more times as he came inside her.

They both fell back on the bed, sweaty and spent. She rested her head against his chest while he tried to calm his breathing.

"Trev, I..." he started, but stopped himself as he could hear her breathing become heavier. She'd fallen asleep.

_I love you._

After a few minutes, he felt his own eyelids close as he joined her in sleep.

* * *

The next day, he woke up to an empty bed. She'd left a note at the bedside table.

_'Cullen, I had some business to attend to this morning but I'm taking the rest of the day off, and so are you. I think we deserve it. It's a beautiful day out today, come find me in the garden when you wake up._

_Yours, Trev.'_

Cullen did indeed find her in the garden. She was sitting down in the grass, shading herself from the sun with one hand, and she didn't see him approach. Cullen smiled as he snuck up on her from behind and bent down, grabbing her around her stomach. She squealed in surprise and laughed heartily when she saw it was him. They both sank down to the ground and he pulled her into his lap and kissed her.

"You are so beautiful, Trev..." he mumbled as he pulled her into his arms, embracing her tightly. She hugged him back and looked at his face when he loosened his grip on her, still sitting in his lap.

"You're the one who's beautiful. My handsome man," she said and gave him a wide smile.

_My man... she called me mine, Maker... Just tell her already._

"Trev, I have something I need to..." he started but was interrupted by the sound of fast approaching footsteps.

They both looked up and saw Leliana walking up to them. She stopped before them and they both got up to their feet.

"Inquisitor, I have an urgent message for you," she said. The serious expression on her face made Cullen alert, and Trev frowned while she took the parchment Leliana was holding out to her. She opened it and Cullen could see her whole body tense while her eyes scanned the paper.

"What is it, Trev?" he asked, worried now.

"N-nothing." Trev shook her head. "I... I need to take care of this. We'll have to meet some other time, Cullen, I'm sorry." Trev gave Leliana a strange look and the spymaster nodded and followed the Inquisitor as she started walking towards the door.

Cullen felt a strange, sick feeling in his gut. Something was wrong and she didn't want him to know what. He could tell from the way she tensed up that this was no ordinary problem. He'd never seen her like that before.

_What is going on?_


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos! Makes me so happy! Feel free to leave a comment if you like, makes me very happy as well :)

Cullen hardly saw anything of Trev the next few days. He didn't get a chance to speak to her in private, as she had busied herself with various Inquisition tasks she normally left to others. He only ever really saw her in the war room, and even there she refused to look at him. She didn't come to his bed at night either.

Four days after Cullen had watched Trev recieve the message Leliana gave her, he was driving himself crazy wondering what was wrong. He felt sick to his stomach. Why wouldn't she even look at him?

He was crossing the lower courtyard on his way to see Leliana, to ask her what in damnation was going on, when he saw Trev walk down the stairs with Leliana close behind her. They stopped at the base of the steps and turned their heads in the direction of the main gate. Cullen didn't have to wait for long before he saw what they were waiting for. An entourage of people and horses were crossing the bridge to the keep.

Cullen kept watching but held his distance.

He could see a man dismounting the first horse that rode into the courtyard. A relatively tall fellow, clad in a nobleman's outfit. Cullen stiffened as the man closed in on Trev, he was much too close. Cullen took a step towards them but stopped himself when he saw the man lean forward and kiss Trev's cheek.

_What in the Maker's name...?_

Nobody greeted the Inquisitor that intimately. No friend, no nobleman, not even a king would dare. She was the Herald, the Inquisitor. And even if it had been possible, she would never let anobody in that close, except for Cullen.

Then he saw the man's hand slide along her arm in a far too intimate gesture. He saw Trev tense, but she didn't remove his hand.

Cullen wanted to hack if off, preferably with a large, sharp sword.

_Why is she letting him touch her like that?_

They said something to each other, turned around and Trev and the man walked up the stairs while Leliana followed, as usual. The rest of the entourage were taken care of by a couple of servants. Trev met Cullen's eyes briefly before she continued climbing the steps, her face a mask of neutrality.

Cullen felt lost. He couldn't for the life of him understand what he'd done to deserve this icy cold treatment from Trev. And who in Thedas was that obnoxious man?

He was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard someone call for him.

He was needed elsewhere.

* * *

Later that evening, Cullen stood outside the door to Trev's quarters. He'd come to demand, no, beg for her to tell him what was going on. He was just about to knock when he could hear voices from inside. He knew he shouldn't listen in but the door was slightly ajar and he was so confused, he'd do anything to get some kind of answer.

"You have to tell him!" It was Leliana's voice. She sounded angry, scolding.

"No! I can't! I've already told you, there's only one way I can handle this. Please, Leli, you swore you would help me." Trev sounded desperate. Cullen wanted to rush in and hold her, to tell her everything would be alright if she just told him what was going on. But he stopped himself.

"And I will, you know I will. But then you know what you have to do. You can't just leave him wondering like this, can't you see how much you're hurting him? You speak to him tonight, do you understand?"

Cullen was taken aback by the tone in Leliana's voice. He couldn't for the life of him imagine what would make Leliana speak to Trev in such a way.

"And trust me when I say you need to inform your father about this. If what you've told me... if Lord Trevelyan hears of this from anyone else, could you imagine? We don't know what he would do. You need to take control of the situation."

"But..." Trev sounded like she was on the verge of tears.

"I know it's hard. You don't have to tell him everything, in fact, I think that would be unwise. But I need to know that you will do everything that you can, and I will do my part."

Cullen stood dumbfounded and confused when Leliana came storming out of the room. She halted when she saw Cullen, and he could see her expression shift from anger to pity when her eyes found his.

"Leliana, what..." he started but the spymaster shook her head.

"I'm sorry, Cullen. This is between you and the Inquisitor. I think you'd better go in and speak with her." She walked passed him and Cullen stared after her until she disappeared around the corner.

Cullen suddenly didn't feel like going in. That look of pity on Leliana's face... He knew nothing good would come of this. But he knocked on the door anyway.

"Who is it?"

Cullen could hear fear in her voice. Who did she expect here in the safety of her own keep, to make her sound so afraid?

"It's just me."

Silence.

The door opened. Trev looked at him for a few seconds before she slid her eyes down to the floor and motioned for him to enter.

He walked in and she closed the door behind him.

"What do you want, Cullen?" She sounded tired, and irritated. It cut through him like a knife.

He turned to face her. She still wouldn't look at him.

"Please, Trev, what in the Maker's name is going on? Everything was so good, and then you receive some message and then you refuse to speak to me, to even look at me. Hey! Look at me, Trev, I beg of you!"

He could see her muster up strenght before she turned her head and looked him in the eyes. He could see how she smoothed out her expression to a neutral one. A cold one.

He took a step closer to her and reached out to touch her arm.

"Don't."

He withdrew his hand like she'd burned it.

"I... I'm sorry Cullen, but it's over." She looked down at the floor again.

He didn't understand what she meant.

"What's over?"

When she didn't answer, it dawned on him.

_No, she can't mean us. This isn't happening._

"What is going on, Trev? Answer me. Don't you think you owe me more than this? What the fuck is going on?"

She winced at the anger in his voice, but he couldn't help himself. This was insane.

"All this time, all we've been through together... You seemed so happy! You've always wanted my company, always told me that you care for me more than anyone. You  _know_ I love you." He could see her screw her eyes shut at his last words, like it was painful for her to hear. "I know you feel the same, Trev. What's changed?" He was desperate now.

She turned her head away from him, her eyes still shut. What she whispered next almost brought him to his knees.

"I never said I loved you."

Cullen took a few steps back, reeling, and braced himself against the closed door.

_She... doesn't love me? She's... right, she never... she never said. You idiot. You pathetic idiot._

Cullen didn't think he could feel more pain until she spoke again.

"Just go, get out of here before you cause any more embarrassement to yourself."

Her voice was like venom.

_Not my Trev. That's not her, that's someone else._

No matter how much his brain tried to convince him, he could feel his heart shatter into a thousand tiny pieces.

He managed to open the door somehow and stumbled out of there, bile rising in his throat. He had to get away from there, away from this nightmare.

He didn't see her fall to her knees, her face in her hands as she began to weep uncontrollably, as he stumbled away from there, away from her.

* * *

Cullen woke up to the sound of someone banging on his office door. He groaned and lifted his head, trying to orientate himself. He was sitting slumped on the floor, his neck stiff from leaning against the wall half the night. He didn't even know how he'd made it back to his office. Sometime during the night he must have drifted off to sleep out of pure exhaustion.

Someone banged on the door again. The events of the night before came rushing back to him and he felt like he was going to be sick. He felt disgusting, and remembered vaguely how he had stopped and thrown up over the side of the battlements on his way here. His mouth tasted like death and he felt like it too.

_It has to be some kind of nightmare. Something's terribly wrong. She wouldn't just do this to me._

He became more and more convinced that there had been some kind of mistake, that it was all just a big misunderstanding. He'd go talk to her, right after he'd cleaned up a bit.

"Commander!" The banging on his door continued and someone shouted at him through it.

"Yes! Maker, I'm coming..."

He got up to his feet slowly, still a bit dizzy. He walked up to the door and unlocked it.

Cassandra.

"Maker's breath, you looked like something the cat dragged in, Cullen," she said, wrinkling her nose before her expression softened. That damned pity again. "Have you been in here all morning?" she asked.

Cullen just nodded.

"Then, I guess... you haven't heard?"

"Heard what, Cassandra?" he said, rubbing circles against his temples, trying to relieve his pounding headache. She looked hesitantly at him.

"Well, spit it out then. I guarantee you can't make me feel any worse than I already do," he said.

Cassandra looked unsure of herself.

_That's a first._

"I... maybe you should sit down first. Can I bring you anything, something to eat? Drink?"

"Maker, Cassandra, since when did you become a servant?"

"Alright, alright. But sit down for me, yes?"

He was too tired to argue and slumped down in his chair.

"Cullen. You need to know. There's been an announcement this morning. From the Inquisitor."

Cullen sat up straight. "Yes?" he breathed.

Cassandra cleared her throat.

"She's... she's announced her impending union with Lord Dreallor."

Cullen shook his head in confusion.

"What union, what are you talking about? And who in the fade is Lord Dreallor?"

Cassandra looked sad.

"He's the nobleman who arrived yesterday. Apparently he's a friend to Lady Trevelyan from back home. I guess... he's more than a friend, actually. They're going to be married."

Cullen had never thought that anything in his life could feel worse that the torture in the Circle. He was wrong.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There's going to be talk of implied sexual abuse in this chapter and several other chapters later on, keep that in mind if you're sensitive.

Everyday was a waking nightmare to Cullen. He worked through his days in a sort of daze. He did his duty as Commander, but his mind wasn't really there. He didn't really care. It was actually a relief.

The only time his mind was painfully awake and present was when he saw Trev, or that man, especially when they were together. Except the obvious reason why Cullen absolutely loathed him, there was something else about him, something... off. Cullen could see the way Trev cowered in the man's presence, and he didn't like it one bit. He had never, ever seen her act like this. She was the strongest, most confident woman Cullen had ever met, and this Turner  _fucking_ Dreallor made her look like a scared puppy. It sickened him. Whatever it was that was going on between himself and Trev, Cullen hated seeing her like this.

He thought back to how she'd acted when she was with him, carefree and happy, always a smile on her face. Now, Cullen couldn't even remember the last time he'd seen her smile. To think she was to marry someone who so obviously made her feel unhappy was almost as painful as her rejection.

He still loved her.

_Maker help me, I'll never stop._

If she didn't want him, he would've at least wished for her to be happy. He was just as confused now as ever.

He'd tried to talk to Leliana several times, but she refused to say anything except to tell him to forget it and move on.

He tried to follow her advise, he tried to forget and just do his job. But it was impossible to stop thinking and wondering, doubly so after Dorian had pointed something out to him. That Cullen wasn't the only one who was confused. None of Trev's and his friends had a clue about her sudden change of heart, except for Leliana who didn't say a word to them, either. The people of the Inquisition, primarily those who lived in Skyhold, were unsure of what was happening as well. They had absolutely loved the romance between the Inquisitor and her Commander, it was like something out of a fairytale. And all of a sudden, she was to be married to some Marcher none of them had ever even seen before.

The mood in Skyhold was tense and somber, not cheerful and bustling like it should be when the Inquisitor's wedding was only weeks away.

Cullen's gut clenched at the thought of the wedding. He was invited, of course, he was the Inquisiton's Commander. But he knew there was no way he could stand being there to witness her give herself to another man. A man that wasn't him.

It was bad enough when he saw Dreallor and Trev together during the days in the keep. The man had snaked his way in fast, Cullen rarely saw Trev without him by her side. The way the man hovered over her, the way he touched her, it was enough to make Cullen physically ill. He often had his arm draped around her, and sometimes he would bend down and kiss her neck or even her lips, not caring about people watching. It made Cullen want to scream and he had to steel himself everytime to keep himself from walking up to the man and beat his face to a pulp. But Trev didn't seem to notice. At least in the beginning, she'd looked stiff and strained when Dreallor touched her, but now she just looked indifferent. She  _let_ him touch her.

Cullen found himself wondering if she was scared or if maybe she just felt awkward when Cullen was around to see these exchanges, given their history together. He wanted to believe that something was wrong, wanted to trust his insticts. But too often, he imagined them in private, tangled into each other, Trev kissing Dreallor with a passion, moaning as he touched her in places that were supposed to be only for Cullen. When these images came to him, Cullen screwed his eyes shut and tried to dispel them, but to no avail.

When there was only a week left until the wedding, Cullen made ready to leave. Just until the wedding was over, he could never truly leave her or the Inquisition. He just couldn't stand to watch it.

He was just getting ready to go when there was a knock on his office door. Cullen opened it and came face to face with a man he'd never seen before, but he instantly understood who it was. He was tall, had blond hair with grey specks in it, and striking facial features. Cullen would know those features anywhere.

"Lord Trevelyan, I assume?" Cullen said. As surprised as he was to find Trev's father on his doorstep, Cullen didn't forget his manners and bowed his head slightly before motioning for the man to come in.

Lord Trevelyan's expression was unreadable, guarded, as his daughter's these days. He nodded and walked in while Cullen shut the door behind them.

"So, Commander Cullen, am I correct?" His voice was deep and rang of authority, not unlike Cullen's own.

"Yes, my Lord."

They studied each other for a few seconds before Lord Trevelyan continued.

"I hear you're the one who stole my most precious daughter's heart."

Cullen stiffened, unsure of what the man was getting at.

"I'm afraid you're mistaken. As I'm sure you know, Tr... Lady Trevelyan is to marry Lord Dreallor."

Lord Trevelyan's face darkened. "So I've heard. That is, of course, why I'm here, to attend my daughter's wedding. I only have one question, which nobody seems to be able to answer, not even my daughter. Maybe I'll have better luck with you."

Cullen could feel the older man's gaze bore into him. Lord Trevelyan was an intimidating man.

"Why is it, that while I've heard not only stories of my daughter's triumphs and glory for the past few months, but tales of the Inquisitor and her general, their undying love for each other, I come here to find she's not to marry the only man who I'd ever consider worthy for my daughter, but that infuriating little shit Turner Dreallor?"

Cullen felt his mouth drop open. He was stunned, trying to process what he'd just heard.

 _He_  was the only one worthy of his daughter? Of course it pleased him to no end to hear it, but he was slightly baffled since he'd never met the man before, and Cullen was no noble. Maybe he'd misunderstood who he meant. But clearly, he didn't mean Turner Dreallor. Cullen heard the contempt in Lord Trevelyan's voice when he spoke the name of Trev's betrothed.

"You... do not approve, my Lord?" he asked, not daring to get his hopes up.

Trev's father scoffed and threw his arms out into the air in front of him.

"If I approve? Of course not. That little weasel. I don't want him anywhere near my daughter. Now, you tell me, Commander, why is she not with you? You've kept her safe all this time, and don't think I don't know it. My daughter may have become the Herald of Andraste and the leader of the Inquisition, for which I'm infinitely proud. But she is still, and will always be, my little girl. I've always kept my eyes on her. I know she is more than capable of taking care of herself, but she'd be dead several times over by now if not for your remarkable work as Commander."

Cullen couldn't help but to feel a little hope. The first in weeks.

Lord Trevelyan looked at him sharply. "So would you please tell me, why in the Maker's holy name is she marrying Turner and not you?"

Cullen felt his stomach sink agan.

"She doesn't want me, my Lord."

The nobleman scoffed again. "Maker's bollocks, that is."

Cullen looked at him in surprise, both shocked and a little amused at the crude choice of words.

"You probably don't know this, my boy, but Lily has been sending letters home to us every week since she defeated that monster and closed the breach in the sky."

_Lily?_

"I..." Cullen began. "Lily? Is that truly Trev's first name?" It was silly, of course, to focus on that out of all the things her father was telling him, but he couldn't help it.

Lord Trevelyan smiled, his face full of tenderness as he spoke. "Yes, she's our little Lily. She never told you? I'm not surprised. She always found it overly feminine, like people wouldn't take her seriously. Maker's breath, that child and her ideas. As if anyone would think about the meaning of her name when they fall over each other staring at her. You've seen her, I'm sure you agree."

Cullen couldn't help smiling. "Yes, my Lord. She's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen." He groaned inwardly, unsure if that was really an appropriate thing to say to her father.

But Lord Trevelyan just smiled and looked like he approved.

"Anyway, as I was saying, she's been sending letters home every week, up until a few weeks ago. And they've all pretty much said the same thing. How happy she is, and most importantly, how in love she is with you."

Cullen could feel his heart begin to beat faster. Was he really telling the truth? Had she written to her family, telling them she was in  _love_  with him? He almost didn't dare to think it could be true, but he could think of no reason for the other man to lie.

"But, my Lord, even if she spoke the truth, I'm not worthy, I'm not even of noble blood, surely you know this."

Trevelyan laughed and looked at Cullen as if he was a small child who didn't quite understand what the adults were talking about.

"I admit, in another situation that would have been a problem. But my daughter is the Inquisitor now, and she's free to choose whomever she likes. But even if that had not been the case, if she'd still been just a noble girl still living with us, your title as Commander of the Inquisiton and your heroic part in this miserable story would be more than enough to trump most other propositions."

Cullen sighed. "I'm grateful for your kind words, Lord Trevelyan, but it doesn't matter now. She's made her choice."

The older man shook his head. "No. That little bastard has done something to her. He has some leverage over her, I'm sure of it. I know my daughter, Commander. She's never let anyone in before, the way she let you in. Everyone thinks she's blessed with her beauty, but it's always been a struggle for her." He sighed and looked sad.

"She had a very hard time making friends as she grew up. The other girls resented her for her beauty, and no boy dared to even talk to her. And when she grew older, she attracted the attention of a lot of men, no matter how unwillingly from her side. Between her title and her looks, how could she ever know who was truly interested in her for the sake of herself or for other things? So when she told us about you, I knew you had to be a most honorable and sincere man, truly caring for her. Otherwise she wouldn't have spoken so highly of you."

Cullen felt himself blush at the praise.

"And that's why I know there is something wrong here, my boy." Lord Trevelyan's voice lowered dangerously as he spoke again. "She would  _never_ fall in love with Turner. Especially not after what happened in our home when she was barely a woman."

Cullen felt a rush of adrenaline surge through his body. "What do you mean? What happened?"

Trevelyan's face hardened as he seemed to recall something from memory.

"Turner's father, the senior Lord Dreallor, and I used to be good friends. Him and his family were often invited to our estate, and he usually had his boy with him, Turner. Turner is the oldest, and stands to inherit everything from his father. The Dreallor's are a powerful family, almost a match for our own. I almost entertained the idea of making a match out of him and Lily when he did something that made me throw him out of the house. The Dreallor's never been welcome to set foot in my home since then."

Cullen clenched his fists as he understood where this was going. "What did he do?" he asked, his voice low and disturbingly calm.

Lord Trevelyan looked at him, anger and sadness in his eyes. "He tried to... He  _assaulted_ her, Cullen. In the kitchen downstairs, right there in my own home, he tried to take our daughter."

Cullen felt like he was going to be sick again before the rage claimed him. "Did he?" his voice shaking now.

"I don't know, to be honest with you. Lily never said, she refused to speak of it afterwards. Two servants caught him. Turner swore that she'd wanted it, that he didn't force her, but the servants witnessed about something else entirely."

"What... what did they say?" Cullen asked, trying to keep a level voice. Trevelyan looked hesitant to continue. "Please, my Lord, I need to know what he did."

"I'm only telling you this because I need you to see that she would never willingly go along with this so called marriage. It's very painful for me, shameful. Not that she may or may not have been robbed of her virtue, but because I failed her as a father. I always tried so hard to keep her safe, I never even let her out the door without a couple of guards. But I let that little demon into my house."

Cullen almost felt bad about pushing him when he saw the pained look in his face, but he needed to hear it all.

"The servants, good men, trusted and in our service for many years, swore they were telling the truth about what they saw. Turner had my little girl pinned down while she cried her eyes out and begged of him not to touch her. I don't know how far he got before they interrupted him."

Trevelyan looked like he was lost in the memory and Cullen could feel himself breathe hard and fast, his heart racing.

"I'll kill him."

_I'll fucking kill him._

Lord Trevelyan looked at him and shook his head fervently. "No. We need to understand what's going on here before you do anything rash. Don't you think I know how you feel? When we recieved the letter from Lily saying she was to marry Turner Dreallor, my wife had to physically restrain me from smashing the room up. I got here as fast as I could. Lily won't tell me anything except that Turner is a better man now, which I know for a fact is nonsense. And Turner looks at me as if he's triumphed. I can't stand it. But I must refrain from doing something stupid, and so must you. And when we know what's going on, I wish we could take turns beating that little shit into the ground, but to be honest with you, Lily is probably going to beat us to it."

Cullen began pacing around the room, trying to calm himself. Failing miserably, he smashed his fist into the bookshelf, knocking over a whole shelf full of books. He breathed hard, and felt Lord Trevelyan's hand on his shoulder.

"Come on now, my boy. Calm down. At least take comfort in the fact that whatever Turner did didn't break Lily. Not in the slightest. True, she was shaky after the incident, but it didn't take long before she was the one who comforted  _me._  She was always so strong. Stronger than me, by far."

Cullen turned to look at Trev's father, and felt a least some semblance of relief when he saw the earnest expression on the man's face.

"She started training with her blades shortly after that. I never allowed it before, but I understood the need. She wanted to be able to protect herself. I think she drew tremendous strength from that. I was afraid she would become an insecure, scared young woman but that didn't happen. Don't you agree?"

Cullen nodded. "Of course. I've never seen a more confident woman. I would never have guessed... that she'd been through something like that. She's afraid of nothing, no man, no beast. Maker, I've seen her take down more than ten dragons,  _and_ manouvered her way around Orlesian, Tevinter and Fereldan politics alike. She's a match for no one."

"Yes, and don't you forget it. I doubt she would appreciate you looking at her like a victim," the older man warned.

"I won't. But that doesn't stop me from wanting to wring that bastard's neck."

"I know, I know. But don't you also think she would have done that already, if something wasn't wrong?"

Cullen nodded in agreement. "Well, fuck." He didn't have time to feel embarrassed about his language before Lord Trevelyan nodded in response.

"Yes, you can say that again, my boy, you can say that again."


	12. Chapter 12

Cullen had taken it upon himself to watch Turner Dreallor as often as possible. Before the visit from Trev's father, Cullen couldn't stand seeing the man who was supposed to marry his Trev. But now he felt a compulsion to keep track of him to make sure she was safe. Of course, he couldn't follow them behind closed doors, but he did what he could.

It was late in the evening a few days before the wedding when Cullen stood outside in the courtyard of Skyhold, discussing a recent operation with two scouts, when he saw Turner making his way towards the tavern, a firm grip on Trev's hand, trailing her behind him. She looked reluctant to say the least.

Cullen quickly dismissed the scouts and took a step back into the shadows to avoid being seen.

He could hear their voices now.

"Turner, stop. You're drunk. I don't  _want_ to go in there."

"Does it look like I care, Silly-Lily? I wanna go. So we go."

Trev stopped walking and tried to disentangle Turner's hand from hers. "You go then. I'm tired, I..." she started but was interrupted with a yelp as Turner pushed her up against the wall of the tavern.

"If I say you're going with me, you are. Don't. Try to argue with me."

Cullen could barely keep himself from charging forward and beating the shit out of that bastard.

_Breathe, breathe, Cullen. Or you won't be able to help her._

"No, please don't..." Trev said, barely audible. Cullen felt himself snap as he watched Turner put his hands all over her, licking her neck and pushing himself against her while she pleaded with him not to.

Cullen couldn't stop himself. His hand flew to the hilt of his sword and he began walking towards them swiftly.

Trev's eyes widened when she saw him and she quickly grabbed Turner's neck and pushed her lips against his. Cullen stopped dead in his tracks.

Trev kept kissing him, even moaning slightly, before she finally released him, out of breath. Turner seemed to have calmed down.

"Okay, you go ahead, alright? I'm just going to slip into something more comfortable and then I'll come back," she said.

Turner mumbled something about how he'd sure like that before he stumbled into the tavern.

Trev steadied herself before she walked up to Cullen and grabbed him by the collar of the shirt under his armor.

"What in Andraste's name do you think you're doing?" she whispered.

"I couldn't let him touch you like that, Trev, I  _heard_ you say no and he just kept at it."

"Maker, why do you care anyway?" she almost yelled now, dragging him with her to the nearest side door into the keep, and slamming it shut behind her.

When he didn't answer, she took a step back and looked at his face.

"Let me guess. My meddling father gave you a visit."

Cullen nodded. "He told me a lot of things, Trev. Like how you wrote letters to them every week, saying that you loved me. And what that asshole did to you when you were younger."

"Maker's breath!" she exclaimed. "What exactly did he tell you?"

Cullen reluctantly told her what her father had told him. Trev sighed when he was finished.

"Well, I must say, it's a little over the top. But of course, Father doesn't know that."

"Do you mean... he didn't really assault you?" Cullen could feel the confusion surfacing again. He was damned tired of that feeling.

"No, he did, the little shit. Tried to yank my skirts up and fucking rape me. I wouldn't have let it go that far, of course. I was just about to reach for my knife and cut his fucking thing off when the servants barged in. Seeing as I didn't have to do something quite so grisly, I settled for crying and screaming to make sure they told my father what had happened. I didn't want there to be any doubt about what he'd tried to do, just because I wasn't crying like a damsel in distress. I mean, no disrespect to damsels in distress, it's just that my family didn't know how good I was with my daggers already."

She shook her head in disgust and continued.

"When my father asked me about it later, I refused to tell whether Turner had been successful or not. I didn't lie, but there was no need to tell the truth outright, either. I never wanted to see that idiot again. Not for my sake, you know. For Father's sake. I knew I would have killed him if he ever got near me again. It would have been messy. Hard for my father to explain to Lord Dreallor why his daughter had sliced his boy open."

"But... you look so scared around him."

Trev let out a humorless laugh. "I need him to think he controls me. It's not myself I'm afraid for. You know I could take him in a second, gut him like a fish if I so choose."

Cullen almost let out a laugh of his own. She spoke so calmly about it, like she was talking about what she'd had for dinner. All the while looking at him with her chin slightly tilted up in that cheeky manner he knew and loved so much.

But he didn't laugh as he remembered she was still going to marry Turner.

"Tell me what's going on, please. I'm in a little too deep now to be kept out of the loop, don't you think?"

If she turned him down now, he'd have to shake some sense into her or...  _something._

"Cullen. There's a reason for all this. I couldn't involve you, I still don't want to. It is vital that Turner keeps thinking I'm his. Can you really stand watching him touch me without trying to attack him? You almost ruined everything tonight."

Cullen took a step closer to her and grabbed her hand. Relief flooded through him when she didn't pull away.

"I can endure  _anything_  for you, as long as I know you care for me," he whispered and brought her hand to his face, closing his eyes as he kissed her knuckles.

"Cullen." Trev took a step closer to him, still letting him hold her hand. "Do you swear it? Do you swear to do exactly as I say, even if it means you have to watch me with him? You'll destroy me if you do something you should not."

"I swear. Anything is better than the pain I've been in."

Trev's composure started to break at his words. He could see tears in her eyes.

"Oh, Cullen, I'm so sorry, forgive me, please, I'm so sorry..."

She threw herself into his arms and he forgot everything else as her warmth flooded him. He shushed her and held her tightly to him as she sobbed, caressing her hair and breathing her in.

_This must be a dream._

"I'm sorry about everything, Cullen, what I did, what I said... Oh, Maker, the things I said to you. Can you ever forgive me?"

She looked up at him with her beautiful, gleaming eyes and the look on her face melted his heart completely.

"Always," he murmured and she sighed in relief.

"I love you, I love you, I love you, love you so much," she breathed and then she reached for his face and kissed him.

The fire that Cullen thought he would never get to feel again flared up in an instant. She was the only one,  _his_ , the only woman he'd ever want.

Her kiss deepened and became more and more desperate, but Cullen remembered then that she still hadn't really explained anything to him.

"Trev, you need to..."

"Shush, I'll tell you everything, I promise, but right now I need you." She kissed him again, hard, and her hands were everywhere on him as she pressed himself against him.

Cullen let her take over, equally desperate to feel her. Their tongues were slick and wet against each other, breaths hitched, their hands touching desperately. She clawed at his armor as she pressed herself against his leg, grinding against it, moaning into his mouth. She made him so dizzy, and he revelled in how she slid her hands across his skin as soon as the armor was discarded. She dug her nails into him and he groaned in pleasure as she bucked her hips even harder against him.

"I've missed you so much, Maker, Cullen, Cullen..." She whispered his name and he kissed her all over and bit down into her neck. She gasped and her hand pressed against his erection, making him moan and burn and sweat,  _ache_  for her.

"I love you so much," she breathed into his mouth before her tongue found his again. She moaned and purred and Maker, she was so hot, he was so warm, his skin drenched in sweat now. He made quick work of the buttons on her jacket and then he  _touched_ her, squeezed and worshipped her as she pleaded for him to never stop, gasping prayers to the Maker or to him to never make it stop feeling so good.

"Off, now," he mumbled between kisses, motioning towards her trousers. He pulled his shirt off as she obeyed and kicked the last of her clothing off.

"Maker, so  _beautiful_..." He ran his hands along her naked body in wonder and a shiver ran through him when he felt that she was just as covered in sweat as him, her naked skin gleaming in the light from the torches. He'd never seen anything so enticing.

She kissed him again, ravenous. He could feel her press her cunt against his breeches, and cursed the layer of clothing between them. He quickly discarded them and couldn't hold back a growl as he could feel her wet slit press against his hard cock. She cried out as he lifted her up an slid into her wetness. She bit down into his shoulder, and it was so  _glorious_ , and he couldn't think of anything but her as he thrust into her, deeper and deeper. She moaned and gasped, breathed fast, chanted his name over and over.

"Please, Cullen, Cullen, oh! Harder! Fuck me harder, I need you, Cullen, faster..."

Her words drove him crazy and he pressed her even tighter against him, desperate to envelope her, his arms tight around her naked body, their sweat mingling.

_Maker, oh Maker, Trev..._

"You feel so fucking good..." he mumbled, kissing her and touching her everywhere he could reach.

"My love, don't stop, it feels so  _good..._  Oh Maker, Cullen... Please..." Her cries intensified and he could feel her beginning to shake and bite into his skin hard to stifle her scream as she came around him.

The pleasure of her bite and the feel of her cunt clamped around him as she came was too much. Cullen kept thrusting into her, hard and fast, so intense, and when he finally came he had to bite down on his fist to keep his own groan in, lest he alerted the whole keep to what was going on down there.

He sank to the floor, sitting on their discarded clothes. He pulled Trev into his lap and put his coat around her shoulders, cradling her in his arms. She didn't once let go of him and she planted soft kisses all over his face and his lips, breathing 'mine' in between kisses.

Cullen felt dizzy again, her affection making him feel like he was soaring. But he stiffened as he remembered that Turner was still waiting for her in the tavern. He voiced his concern but Trev laughed it off.

"He's too pissed now to even remember I went there with him. Don't worry about it."

"You need to tell me everything now, Trev. I need to know so I can help. I'll do anything to help, anything for you."

She sighed against him but nodded. "I know. I just wanted this moment."

She looked at him and Cullen's heart almost broke when he saw the pain in her face.

"He has my sister," she said.

"What?"

"My older sister, Rose Trevelyan. Turner's taken her. We don't know where she is, and he says he's going to kill her if I don't marry him. He's after my power as Inquisitor, obviously."

"I didn't even know you had a sister... but wait, your father didn't say a word about this, he's just as confused as I was."

"I know. He doesn't know that she's missing. Rose is a Chantry sister, and as far as we knew she was still in a Chantry in Nevarra. But Leliana's looked into it, and she disappeared from there not long ago. Leliana managed to confirm that she was taken against her will, but now we're clueless. That bastard is either more clever than I thought or he's paid some very capable people."

Cullen frowned. "Capable indeed if they can't be found by Leliana's people."

He kissed her forehead and pulled her tighter against him.

"Don't worry, love. We'll find your sister, and then we'll make him pay."

"I hope you're right, Cullen. And I hope Turner's still here when we get word that Rose is safe. I'm going to dance in his blood that night."

Cullen shivered, no doubt in his mind that she was completely serious.


	13. Chapter 13

The wedding came.

Cullen had hoped that against all odds, they would have found Trev's sister Rose by now. Even if it had only been a few days since Trev had told him everything and made him swear not to interfere, he'd had hope.

Hope that was now crushed.

It was a grand affair, with guests from all over Thedas. Cullen guessed that this wasn't Trev's idea, but Turner's.

_That son of a fucking bitch._

Cullen was the one who was supposed to stand at her side on the day of her wedding. The guests were supposed to recieve invitations to the wedding of  _Cullen Stanton Rutherford and Lily Trevelyan._ It was his dream, and now Dreallor robbed him of it.

But Cullen knew it was shameful to think of himself in a situation like this. He wasn't the one who suffered the most. He wasn't the one forced into marrying his would-be-rapist. Probably actually  _was_ now. Cullen had seen the way Turner forced himself on Trev when he'd almost lost it and came close to attacking him the other night, before Trev stopped him. She was in no position to deny Turner.

He dug his nails into his palms thinking about it as he stood, dressed in fine, ceremonial clothes, along with the other guests in the grand hall of Skyhold, waiting for the bride and groom to show up. The Revered Mother was already in place at the front, and the room was lined with flowers, white and red roses.

Cullen could bet anything on the fact that the flowers was another one of Turner's choices, just to mock Trev and remind her of what he would do to her sister Rose if Trev didn't go through with the wedding.

Finally, he heard a ripple go through the crowd as everyone turned to the entrance and watched Trev walk in,  _his_ Trev, alongside Turner Dreallor. Her hand was on his arm, and they both smiled at their guests as they passed.

Maker, but she was beautiful. Not a single one of his dreams could live up to the vision of her. Her golden hair flowed down her back, petite white flowers braided in with silver thread. Her dress was, while not the traditional Ferelden blue he'd always pictured her in, a spectacular piece; Marcher white, hugging her in all the right places, a long, flowing train and her shoulders bare.

The sight of her almost broke him.

She didn't look at Cullen as she passed him.

He didn't know if he should feel relieved or sad about that. Probably for the best. It took all the strength in him already, to keep his expression calm and level. He didn't know if he could handle looking into her eyes and seeing the truth there.

As she passed him and her back came into his view, he growled through his teeth and took a step forward when he saw her bare skin. Leliana's hand, warning, on his arm held him back.

"Stay calm, Cullen. Remember what you promised her," she whispered, her words lost to those nearby in the sorl of the crowd.

Cullen strained against her grip.

"Do you  _see_  that?" he hissed at her.

"Yes, I see. Save it for later, Cullen. Calm down,  _now._ "

He tried to calm down, he really did. But he couldn't stop the pounding in his blood, the ringing in his ears when he stared at her back, a large purplish bruise on her right shoulder. She'd tried to cover it up, and most people probably wouldn't notice.

But  _he_ did.

"Maker Leliana, please, I can't..." he whispered and he saw Leliana's eyes brimming with sorrow, for him or Trev, he didn't know, didn't care. "She has to endure it. He's abusing her in every way possible, and she can't do anything about it. How the  _fuck_ am I supposed to watch him do this to her without ripping his fucking head off?"

Leliana pulled him closer to her, steadying him with a tight grip on his arm now.

"I know, Cullen, I know. Believe it or not, I feel the same. But now is not the place or the time. Just save it for later. Save it for when we get him."

"When will that be? Please, tell me you're onto something, a lead, anything." Desperation clung to Cullen's whispering voice.

"We're doing all we can. I have every last one of my people working day and night searching for Sister Trevelyan. Sooner or later, something will come up. It always does."

Cullen prayed to the Maker that she was right as he watched the light of his existence pledge herself to another man.


	14. Chapter 14

The feeling of being in a living nightmare didn't stop after the wedding. Cullen had at least held hope for some stolen moments with Trev, but Turner's control over her escalated quickly. She was almost never without his company.

Cullen just wanted her away from that bastard for however short amount of time. To give her some relief. He wanted to hold her, kiss her, take away all her pain. He wanted to ask her how she was doing. He could never tell just by watching her these days, her face was always set in stone.

He tried to do the same, keeping up a calm appearance, working hard, no longing looks cast her way. He tried to be only her Commander and nothing else.

It wasn't working very well.

Cullen was very surprised when Trev knocked on the door to his office one morning. She let herself in before he had time to answer, and closed the door behind herself. She was alone.

He was on his feet in two seconds and walked over to her. She didn't look at him, she just stared at the floor.

He hesitated, unsure if she wanted him to touch her. After a few seconds, he gently placed his fingertips under her chin and tilted her head up so she would look at him. She didn't pull away, but she didn't look him in the eye either.

When she spoke, it was barely more than a whisper.

"I'm so sorry, Cullen. For everything. For putting you through this."

He pulled her against him and embraced her tightly, resting his head on top of hers. He wished she could always stay like this, protected and safe in his arms.

"You have nothing to apologize for."

He could feel her relax into him. She hugged him tighter before she leaned back and finally looked at him. Cullen felt a stab in his heart when he saw the sadness and the longing in her eyes.

"I wish I had more time," she started. "I dream of you every single second of every day. Never, ever doubt that. I love you more than life itself."

She kissed him then, softly, and Cullen believed every word.

She sighed as she pulled away, all too soon.

"Like I said, I don't have much time. Turner is meeting with his father in private before Lord Dreallor leaves for Ostwick again, but he'll be expecting me back shortly. I... I have to ask something of you."

She looked down into the floor again.

"Anything, my love," Cullen said, pulling her hand up to his lips.

"You won't like it."

"I'm not exactly over the moon about anything right now. It can't be much worse than the rest, can it?"

He understood from her expression that it could, in fact, get worse.

"You... you need to find someone." She looked pained.

"What do you mean, Trev? Your sister? We're doing everything we can..."

She interrupted him with a shake of her head.

"No, not like that. Cullen, you need to find a woman for yourself. A lover."

He stared at her, his expression incredulous.

"That's not funny, Trev. Tell me you're joking."

She shook her head again. "No, I'm not. Turner's suspicious. He knows we used to be together but he's wondering now why you haven't moved on."

Cullen tried to wrap his head around what she was saying. "I've tried so hard to not let it show, and I'm sorry if I've failed. I swear I'll hold myself back more, he won't ever catch me looking at you again. So please, can we stop talking about this nonsense now?" Cullen felt sick just thinking about what she had suggested.

"No, you misunderstand. I'm sorry, it's all my fault." She looked up at him again, her eyes glistening wet now. "You're not the one who's failed. I am."

Cullen felt confused. "What are you talking about? You're much better at hiding your emotions than I am. I've never seen you look at me with anything else than a neutral expression when Turner is around."

A tear spilled out and rolled down her cheek. Cullen wanted nothing more than to kiss it away and tell her it would be alright. But he couldn't lie to her.

"That's what you've seen, yes. But I just can't help myself sometimes, I stare after you when you've left, and I look at you for too long, no matter what expression I have on my face. He notices. He's not stupid, far from it. I know you think of him as an opportunist bastard, and he is. But he's fucking smart, Cullen. I can't hide anything from him."

Tears flowed freely from her eyes now, but she kept her composure. "The nights are the worst. I can't control what I do in my sleep. He's heard me mumble your name in my sleep several times."

Cullen shook his head in confusion. "Why does he even care? I mean, he has control over you every hour of the day, he knows we're not doing anything. I haven't even seen you alone since before the wedding."

Trev didn't say anything, she just stared down at her feet again, crying quietly.

And then it dawned on him.

"He... is he in love with you?"

Cullen could feel his grip on her arms tighten. She looked ashamed.

"I... I think so. He wasn't, at first. I told you he was only after my power and I was right, at the time. He's been insufferable. You... you  _know_ what he's done to me."

Cullen swallowed hard. He knew it wasn't an accusation, but he accused himself. He just stood to the side as Turner abused her. He knew he couldn't do anything about it, but it still killed him.

"So what's changed?" Cullen whispered.

"I just couldn't stand it. He makes me...  _made_ me do things with him. He's rough. Not in a good way, like it can be between you and me sometimes because we're passionate. He's rough in a sadistic way. The more I fought against it, the more he... you know."

Cullen leaned back against the wall, breathing heavily. "Please, Trev, why are you telling me this? Do you  _want_  me to kill him right now? Do you have any idea how much I want to run to wherever the fuck he is right now and bash his face in until there's nothing left? No, that's not even enough! I want to do it slowly, I want him to suffer every hour, every second he's inflicted pain on you. I want him to suffer a thousand times worse."

He sank down to the floor and put his head between his knees,  _trying_ to calm down.

She went to him, put her arms around him, like  _he_ was the one in need of comfort and protection.

"I'm so sorry, I wasn't thinking," she said softly, stroking his hair. "I just wanted to explain what's going on. I have to get back soon and I... I think he's in love with me because I made him fall for me. I'm sorry, I didn't want to, but it was the only way I could think of to make him treat me better. I stopped fighting so hard, began talking to him more. Used my charms, you know. It's not like it's stopped completely and it's all lovey dovey from him now, he doesn't understand what love is. But he thinks he's in love and that's all that's nessecary right now."

Cullen sighed and pulled her against him and she slid down into his lap.

"At least he treats you better. I'm glad, truly. But I still don't understand this nonsense about me finding another woman."

Trev closed her eyes.

"Don't think that I like it one bit. I would never ask you to do such a thing without a purpose. But Turner needs to see that you've moved on and he needs to see me react... Well, he needs to see me not react at all, I suppose. Like I don't care about it."

"No, what needs to happen is Leliana finding your sister. Are there any news?" he asked.

She shook her head. "Nothing yet. If there were, I wouldn't ask you to do this, not if I thought we were close to finding her.

"But I  _can't_..."

"You don't have to...  _do_ anything, you know. You'd have to put on a show, but you don't have to... I mean, you can do whatever you want, as long as you do not tell her what's going on. Only you, me and Leliana knows the truth. Not even my father knows. And it has to stay that way."

Cullen looked at her, surprised.

"So you just want me to find some poor girl and seduce her, make her fall for me and... Maker, I can't do that. I'm no charmer."

Trev laughed a little at that. "Oh, Cullen, still so oblivious. You charmed me, didn't you? And didn't you once tell me I was the most intimidating woman you'd ever met?"

"Well, yes. But it doesn't matter, it wouldn't be right to the poor girl."

Trev looked sad and shook her head a little. "I know. But I don't see any other solution. It's either that or it's going to get much worse for me. I know it sounds selfish, but I'm not doing it for me. I know you, Cullen. I know how you feel when you see the bruises on me, the way he forces himself on me. I know you can't stand it."

He screwed his eyes shut at her words and she stroked his cheek, gently. He knew she was right, he would do anything if it meant even the slightest relief for her.

_Anything._


	15. Chapter 15

Cullen was committed. He would do what Trev had asked of him. He would find a woman and make Turner believe he'd moved on from Trev. He could do it.

_Shit, I can't do it._

His head pounded. Where would he even begin? He was sure there were plenty of women in Skyhold... or were there? He'd never really noticed, his mind always occupied by thoughts of Trev. Maybe Skyhold was too close to home as well... But where else, if the point was to make Turner see?

His thoughts whirled around in his head as he sat on a bench in the garden, thinking. It was a nice day outside and he was tired of being cooped up in his office every day. The Inquisition ran quite smoothly for the time being, so he mostly had paperwork to deal with.

He looked up when he saw Leliana approach him. He tried to not get his hopes up, but he always wished she would come and tell him they hade some sort of lead to the whereabouts of Trev's sister. He certainly wished it now, so he could get out of this mess.

She sat down beside him. He saw her eyes scan their surroundings, making sure no one else was within hearing distance.

"Well?" he demanded.

"Nothing solid yet, but I'm hopeful now that Lord Dreallor has returned to Ostwick. When he gets home, I'm sure we'll get some information. His estate is crawling with my spies now."

Cullen's eyebrows arched upwards. "Turner's father is involved? You are certain?"

"Yes, very much so. I made sure that none of the conversations between Turner and Lord Dreallor were truly private, but of course they didn't know that. We know he's heavily involved, maybe even the one who orchestrated this whole thing. Unfortunately, we haven't got any specifics on Rose's location, Turner is smarter than to discuss that out loud. But his father is not as smart as him. It may have been his suggestion and his money that accomplished this in the first place but Turner is the capable one."

Leliana turned to look at Cullen before she continued. "Of course, Lord Dreallor has a lot of...  _odd_ hobbies and tastes, and my people know how to work this to our advantage."

Cullen wrinkled his nose. "What sort of... tastes?"

"Trust me, you do not want to know."

Cullen nodded, sure she was right. "So this is good news then, things are looking up."

"I certainly hope so." She cocked her head to one side and gazed at him. "So, what's  _your_ problem? I thought you would be happy to hear this."

Cullen sighed and told her about Trev's suggestion.

He was surprised when Leliana laughed before she clamped her hand over her mouth and stopped herself.

"What's so funny, then?" he asked, feeling a little irritated.

"Oh, our dear Inquisitor has such colorful ideas. I'm not saying it's a bad idea, in fact I believe it would accomplish her goal to calm Turner quite nicely. But you do not need to get yourself a  _lover_ for that. Just shake it up, show off, make a fuss."

Cullen looked at her as if she was speaking to him in some foreign language.

"What in the Maker's name are you babbling about?"

"Well, Turner likes to spend a lot of his time in the tavern, did you know? He's there several times a week, by himself when Trev is simply too busy with Inquisition matters for him to bother to stick around her, or sometimes he drags her with him. It's an excellent place for you to go. Be there before he arrives, drink a little, flirt with the girls. They'd be all over you in a second, you don't even have to do very much. Too handsome."

Cullen felt a blush spread to his cheeks, and he cleared his throat, unsure of what to say.

Leliana laughed again. "Adorable. Just swallow that awkwardness, Cullen. Try to think of how  _she_  makes you feel when she looks at you with that want in her eyes, and picture it in all the girls. Well, you don't have to picture it, just look and you'll see. Find your confidence, flirt, laugh,  _touch._ "

"Hey! That's insulting, I'm a gentleman! I doubt Trev would have found me attractive if I'd been a slobbering, smooth-talking ass when we'd met."

Leliana just rolled her eyes. "Oh, stop it. You're not wooing her now. Your goal is to make the women of Skyhold go crazy for you. It's going to be easy. As soon as the word gets out that the Commander is on the prowl, flirting and avaliable, you won't just have women from Skyhold after you. I guarantee that ladies from every corner of Thedas will come here to meet you. You know there are practically legends out there of your looks and charm and  _knightliness_."

Cullen stood up from the bench. "You are not only ridiculous, dear Leliana, but delusional as well. I'm going now!"

As he walked away, he heard Leliana calling after him. "My advice is always the best and you know it, Commander! Now be a good boy and do as I said!"

He shook his head as he entered a door into the keep. She was crazy. Like he was some sort of... of...

_Inquisition Casanova. Ridiculous._

But he couldn't help feeling a little more hopeful now than he had before Leliana had talked to him. Not just because of her good hopes for aquiring a lead soon, but because her idea was a relief to him. He wouldn't have to pick one girl and pretend to fall in love with her and hurt her feelings. He could just... mess around. He made a disgusted grunt at the thought. He didn't really have it in him to mess around. But it sure beat the alternatives.

With a little help from alcoholic beverages, he was sure he could do it. Maybe. Possibly.

_Shit._

* * *

Later that evening, Cullen found himself walking the spiral steps up to Leliana's tower. He couldn't do this by himself, he was too nervous. It was her stupid idea, so she'd have to help him see it through.

She came into view as he took the last step. She was releasing a raven before she turned around and spotted him. She smiled.

"Cullen, what can I do for you?"

"Just help me, will you? I can't do this alone." He fidgeted with his hands.

Leliana feigned a shocked expression. "Why, Commander, are you asking me to be the one who shares your bed? I've waited for so long!"

Cullen grunted. "Stop your teasing, woman. Help me out here, I'm desperate," he pleaded.

The spymaster chuckled. "Fine. Give me half an hour then meet me at the tavern."

He just nodded and descended the stairs again and headed for his tower. He needed to change out of the armor and into something a little more comfortable, a jacket or something.

After he'd changed, he stepped out into the warm evening breeze and took a deep breath. He started making his way towards the tavern, and noticed an unusual number of people out and about. The closer he got the more people crowded around him. When the tavern finally came into his view, he was shocked to see how many people were spilling in and out of the door. The place was  _packed._

There were even benches and tables placed outside, with people filling almost every seat. Actually, mostly girls and women of varying ages but soldiers too, no doubt attracted to the setting.

Cullen rubbed his neck. Was there some sort of occasion he'd forgotten about? No, he was sure someone would have told him.

He stood there dumbfounded when Leliana glided up beside him.

"Commander. I may have spread the word that you were coming here for some... entertainment tonight."

Cullen stared at her. "En-entertainment? What's that supposed to mean? And why are all these people here?"

Leliana smacked his arm.

"Hey! What was that for?" he yelled.

"Stop being so thick. They're all here for you."

"But – but – where did they all come from?!"

Leliana chuckled. "They've always been here. You just haven't noticed."

Cullen shook his head.

_Maker, look at all these... vultures!_

Leliana noticed the expression on his face.

"Come now, Cullen. They're not all bad. A lot of them are beautiful, in fact. Don't keep them waiting."

"How in damnation did you pull this off so quickly? It's only been a few hours since we spoke of this for the first time. Doesn't anyone have anything to do around here?"

"I guess not." Leliana smiled and nudged him forward.

He was swarmed instantly. He could see several of his friends in the crowd as well. Dorian, Varric, even Cassandra. He could tell from their expressions they were delighted over this spectacle.

_Andraste have mercy on me, I'll never, never, never hear the end of this._

He took a seat at one of the tables outside and was actually grateful when Varric came up to him with several bottles of wine in his hands, Dorian following with cups. Cassandra kept her distance, amusement on her face, apparently content to just watch.

"So, Curly," Varric started, grin wide on his face. "I hear there's an event end you're the main attraction."

Cullen groaned and took the cup Dorian offered him and binged it down in a few gulps.

"Another." Dorian raised his eyebrows but obliged.

Cullen gulped down that one as fast as the first one, and they were joined by Iron Bull and his flask of foul liquid.

Before he knew it, half the night had passed. There was cheering, singing, drinking, oh  _Maker_ , the drinking. Cullen and Iron Bull had two girls each in their laps, laughing and singing and  _touching_.

Despite his merry appearance, Cullen felt guilty. He felt like he was betraying Trev even though this was what she wanted. He shifted quickly to feeling anger towards her for making him do this to her, before he remembered why it had to happen, and then he felt sorry and guilty again.

_Damned booze..._

He tried to forget why he was here and just enjoy himself. Bull challenged him to a game of dice and they played and tried to concentrate while the girls tried to distract them with kisses and hands touching them where it wasn't really appropriate to touch someone in public.

He didn't even notice at first, when Turner and Trev joined the party.

Bull had just beaten him at the game and the crowd that was gathered around them booed and cheered and laughed.

"I'll make you feel better, Ser," one of the girls in his lap whispered before she kissed him.

She still had her tongue in his mouth when he looked up to see Trev standing beside them, staring at them. He almost had a heart attack and was just about to pull away when he saw Trev's gaze intensify and a small smile playing at her lips.

She actually looked amused. Then he saw Turner snake his hand around her waist, an equally amused expression on his face.

Cullen felt both rage and accomplishment at this. He wanted to cut that smug idiot's hands off for touching Trev, but he could see that he bought into this act.

_So fucking smart, huh?_

Cullen turned away from them and deepened the kiss with the girl who was now straddling him, having pushed the other girl away. It came to an abrupt end when the other girl gripped the first one's hair and yanked her off him, and Cullen couldn't believe it when an all out girlfight broke out before him. The crowd cheered and screamed in excitement until a more peaceful soul dragged the girls off each other.

Cullen saw Turner laugh until he bent over double, clearly enjoying himself. Trev laughed with him and only once did Cullen see her eyes shift over to him, and it happened so fast it was over as he blinked.

The night went on, with more drinks, games and singing. More and more people left, stumbling home from the tavern.

To his utter delight, he saw Turner passed out against one of the tables. Trev was talking to a couple of servants, clearly instructing them to carry him back to his quarters.

_Andraste, she's so fucking gorgeous._

He had a hard time not staring at her, the alcohol slowly disintegrating his discipline. There weren't many people left now, and all of them were passed out or too drunk to stand up. The only two people left now were him and Trev.

He wanted her,  _needed_ he. It had been so long, and he wanted to wash away everyone else's touch with the only one who mattered – her.

She stared back at him now, after apparently coming to the same conlusion as him; they were the only ones left.

He couldn't wait. He turned around and walked towards the keep, hoping she would follow.

She did, although she walked a bit behind him. He opened a door and found himself in a cellar full of stored food. She barely shut it behind her before she jumped him. She didn't say anything, she just kissed him so hard he was sure his lips were going to be bruised tomorrow. He relished it.

Her hands found their way in under his jacket and he shivered as she raked her nails against his skin. She was on fire tonight.

He licked her lips and she gripped his arms hard and  _pressed_ herself against him. He was so hard and she could feel it, he could tell by the way she bit her lip and let her hand drop down to touch him.

He hissed through his teeth as he felt her rub her hand against his erection. He pulled her even tighter against him, wanting to feel every inch of her body as he kissed her ferociously, delighting in the sounds she made. He wanted to feel how wet she was for him.

He plunged his hand down inside the lining of her breeches and savoured the feeling of his fingers getting soaked by her wet heat. The way she whimpered when he circled his fingers on her clit almost made him drop where he stood. He couldn't resist pushing a finger into her and then another as she screamed out in pleasure. She grinded, bucked against him, whispered his name in his ear.

He pulled his fingers out of her and tasted her, sucking on his fingers, coated in her wetness. Her eyes went wild at the sight.

"You don't know what you do to me Cullen," she whispered as she sank down to her knees, working on the lacing of his breeches. "When I saw you tonight with those other girls..."

Cullen stiffened, ashamed, before she continued.

"When I saw your tongue shoved down into that little slut's throat... Maker, I wanted to watch you fuck her right there, while you looked at me, seeing how horny it would make me. And when she'd warmed you up, you'd throw her aside and claim your prize."

Cullen couldn't believe how filthy she sounded. Maker, he loved this wild woman.

His train of thought stopped short when he felt her soft lips wrap around his cock as she started taking him into her mouth. He let out a loud moan when she took him all the way down into her throat, gagging but refusing to let him up.

The pleasure that crashed through his body was mindblowing. He looked down at her, his godess on her knees before him, looking up at him through her thick lashes, her eyes burning with lust.

She sucked him deeply one final time before she released him and rose until she was face to face with him.

"Fuck me," she commanded, her eyes smoldering.

He pulled her to him him and pushed her against the wall, letting her straddle his waist, her legs secure around him. With one swift move, he thrust himself all the way into her core and she screamed. He kept pushing in and out, feeling her around him, so  _sweet_ and _tight._

"Yes, fuck me,  _harder_ ," she moaned.

He obliged and quickened the pace, pushing harder, shoving her into the wall, over and over, groaning in pleasure while she moaned and bit into his shoulder. He could feel the sweat breaking out in his face but he didn't care, and neither did she. He kept on fucking her like an animal and savoured every second of it, her pleasure most of all. He could feel himself getting close, his thrusting getting more intense, his moaning louder.

She licked his ear and started whispering in it.

"I want to taste you. All of you." She released the grip on his waist with her legs and sank down onto her knees and took him into her mouth again, pushing him all the way down her throat.

It was way too much for Cullen, and with a raw groan he released himself in her mouth. He couldn't believe his eyes when she swallowed everything, licking her lips like she'd just eaten dessert and looked up at him, mischievous smile playing on her lips.

He stood there panting when she got back to her feet and giggled and whispered things in his ear that soon made him ready to take her again, and he did, to her delight.

After the second round, they put their clothes back on and was just about to part when Leliana opened the door and came in, quiet as a mouse.

"Maker, Leli! Did you know we were in here the whole time?" Trev exclaimed.

"Of course, that's my job. And you two need to be more discreet. You're lucky I'm the only one who saw you come in here. But no matter. Inquisitor, we have our first lead on your sister."


	16. Chapter 16

"You've got something already?" Cullen asked, surprised. His heart started to pound faster at the thought of them being one step closer to finding Trev's sister.

_One step closer to beating the life out of Dreallor._

Leliana nodded. "Please don't get your hopes up too high. But yes, we've got something. Lord Dreallor is expected back in Ostwick tomorrow, but one of my agents already found out that there are shipments going out from the Dreallor estate to an address nearby in Ostwick. Of course, this happens all the time, but these in particular are very interesting. They contain women's clothes, food and coin."

Trev looked perplexed. "Why do you think these packages have anything to do with my sister? And... Ostwick? Do you think he would have the nerve to keep Rose in such close vicinity to my family home?"

"I believe so, yes. Why not? It's the last place we would look, and you're not there, only your father now since he returned after your wedding. And he doesn't even know Rose is missing. Besides, these packages do not resemble any other shipment the Dreallor estate handles. Plus, they are delivered to an location that is under heavy guard. There is no way in or out, from what my people can tell. While that does not necessarily mean that your sister is there, it is most likely going to lead us to her."

"What sort of place? Describe it to me," Trev commanded. Cullen could tell she was on edge now, close to finding her sister but unwilling to get her hopes up for nothing. Her authority shone in situations like this.

"It's a decent size mansion. It's located in the noble quarters, which makes it difficult for my people to scout without drawing attention to themselves," Leliana started. "Not that they can't blend in as nobles, mind you, but the area is heavily guarded, as I'm sure you're well aware. There is no loitering allowed, and the streets are thick with watchful eyes. I have to be honest, I'm quite impressed. The Ostwick guard is one of the most disciplined military factions I've ever encountered. But this is not to our advantage in this case."

"You're capable. Infiltrate the guard. Get us more information on this mansion. Who owns it?" Trev asked, demand still in her voice. She expected answers.

"We don't know, it's all shady business surrounding this. But we will find out soon, I have already sent some capable men to infiltrate both the guard and the mansion. We only need some time, they'll be suspicious if too many strangers comes poking around at the same time."

Cullen felt his mood sour at this. "We don't  _have_  time Leliana." He pulled Trev close and put his arms around her from behind. "I don't want Trev spending another second in Turner's clutches."

Trev sank back and leaned into his embrace. She looked so tired now.

"It's okay, Cullen, as long as we find Rose..." she began but Cullen just shook his head.

"It's not okay, Trev. You shouldn't have to take one more of his fucking hands on you one more time. We need to find Rose and then he's a dead man."

"Trust me, we are doing everything we can. Now get back, both of you. Be careful. I'll let you know as soon as I hear anything," Leliana said and then she left as quietly as she came.

"She's right, we have to go. We've been gone for far too long," Trev said and kissed Cullen tenderly on the cheek. "I love you. Always."

She was out the door before he had time to answer.

The next morning, Cullen was on his way to the war room when he heard upset voices behind the door in there. He didn't have time to recognize the owners of those voices before the door slammed open and Cassandra came storming out.

"Cassandra? What's going on?" he asked, worried by the murderous look on her face.

"Cullen! You tell  _me_ what is going on! Who in the fade did this to the Inquisitor? Was it Turner? I never understood why she married that slime, and if he did this to her, I don't know why he's not dead already. She never takes shit from  _anyone_. What is going on? Tell me, I know you're hiding something from the rest of us!"

Cullen barely heard what she said. He walked slowly into the room, afraid of what he might find. He could see Leliana kneeling in front of someone, her body hiding that person from his view.

"Just get Dorian, okay? He'll fix this, he.. argh..."

Cullen froze as he recognized Trev's voice. She could barely speak, she sounded like she was in pain.

"He has to fix this, quickly, before Cullen sees."

He took a step forward.

"Before I see what?" His voice was shaking.

Leliana's head snapped around and her eyes widened as she saw him.

"Oh, Maker... shit," she said. Cullen still couldn't see Trev behind her. She was huddled on the floor.

"Leliana, get out of the way."

"Cullen..."

He didn't wait for the rest as he walked forward swiftly, practically dragging Leliana out of the way against her protests.

"No! Don't look at me,  _please_..."

His Trev, his love, his reason for being, sat on the floor, trying to cover her face behind her hands. She was still in the clothes she'd worn last night, although barely recognizable now that they were ripped to shreds. She was bleeding from several cuts and covered in brusies. Cullen got down on his knees before her and gently pulled her hands away so that he could see her.

His breath hitched when he saw her face.

Her lip was swollen, bleeding. Dried blood crusted around her nose. One of her eyes were swollen almost completely shut, her eyebrow split, blood still trickling from the wound. She hadn't even looked this mangled after she'd killed a dragon.

Cullen only stared, taking no note of the pleading look in her eyes.

"Please,  _please_ Cullen, it's not as..." Trev took a shaky breath, not even able to speak properly. "It's not... as bad... as it looks. Please don't do anything rash," she begged of him.

Cullen only managed to speak one single word. "Turner?"

He didn't need an answer. He shot to his feet, murder and rage reverberating in every cell in his body. The bloodlust suffocated him, he wouldn't be able to breathe until it was sated. He was going to kill. Kill the one who did this to her.

 _Nobody_ would do this to her and get away with it. He couldn't think of the consequences now. There was only room for one thing, and that was his need to beat Turner Dreallor's face in until you couldn't tell it had once been a man.

"He's a dead man," he whispered as he took one final look at Trev and then turned around and stormed out. Leliana tried to stop him but he easily pushed her off.

He could hear her shriek to Cassandra to stop him. Like anyone could stop him now.

He marched out into the hallway, breathing heavily, pulse racing.

Cassandra looked confused but tried to obey Leliana, and wrestled Cullen to the ground. He had more trouble getting her off him than he anticipated, she was a warrior after all. But the adrenaline made a quick match of her too. He managed to get in a good blow to her side and shoved her off him while the air was knocked out of her lungs. He got to his feet again and got a few steps down the hall before something crashed into the back of his head and everything went black.


	17. Chapter 17

Cullen's head felt like it had been hit with a hammer. He groaned as he tried to open his eyes. His head was killing him, and he rubbed his temples and tried to sit up. He felt the cool ground under his hands when he managed to push himself up into a sitting position. He squinted and slowly recognized his surroundings. He'd been here before... but never on the inside of a cell.

The jail at the bottom of Skyhold.

He tried to remember what had happened but it was all fuzzy. It wasn't until he saw Leliana approach the door to his cell that it all came rushing back to him.

_Oh Maker, Trev._

He remembered her face, remembered the swelling and the blood and the cuts.

_Turner._

He scrambled forwards, still on his knees when he grabbed the bars of the celldoor and shook them.

"Let me out of here, now," he growled.

Leliana stood before him, on the other side of the bars.

"No. Trev's orders. Until you've calmed down, you're not going anywhere. I'm sorry, Cullen, truly, but if you can't control yourself, we have no choice. Or do you want to get her sister killed?"

Cullen sank down to the ground again.

"No, Andraste preserve us... but can you blame me? Can't you understand what it... what it  _feels_ like for me to see her like that?" His hand was clamped over his heart. "It destroys me. I'm supposed to protect her. Or she's supposed to be able to protect herself when I can't. But now, neither of us can... it  _destroys_  me."

Leliana looked at him, pity welling up in her eyes.

"I do understand. That's why you're in here. I understand that you have no control over your emotions right now. I know you swore to do as she said, but I understand that you broke when you saw her like that. She understands too."

"Please, just... just let me out. I  _can't_ allow him to hurt her anymore." He was begging now.

"No. It's for your own good in the end. Do you really think she'd ever forgive you if you caused the death of her sister, just because you couldn't control yourself? She might try, but deep down she'd never be able to forgive you. She knows that and she's willing to do anything to stop that from happening. Even locking you up in here. Do you think it's easy for her to see you like this? To see you hurt? Thrown in a cell? The physical abuse from Turner she can endure. She's the most resilient human being I've ever met, nothing can break her." Leliana crouched down and looked him in the eyes. "Nothing – except for you."

Her words stung, but Cullen knew she was right. He couldn't think of anything to say.

"Seeing you hurting over her is more than she can bear. She understands how you feel, what it would be like for her if the roles were reversed. She is more desperate than ever to sort this whole mess out."

Leliana stood up again.

"I'm getting ready to leave for Ostwick tomorrow morning. It's time I deal with this myself. So far I've wanted to stay here to keep an eye on things, on the Inquisitor. But it's painfully obvious now that none of us can help her here. If you're smart, you will calm yourself down, regain control of your emotions. She will probably come here tonight to see you. But her mind is made up, she won't let you out. Try to show her that you are alright and try talking her into letting you leave with me for Ostwick. She will absolutely not let you out if you do not leave Skyhold immediately after. She can't risk you provoking Turner again."

Cullen sat up straight. He'd completely forgotten to even ask why Turner had suddenly done this to her.

"What happened, do you know? She told me he was... in love with her now." He spoke the words with disgust. "And he seemed to buy into that little charade at the tavern. Why did he do this to her now?"

Leliana shook her head. "I don't know, she didn't tell me. Ask her yourself, but for the love of the Maker, do not let it rile you up again. Take the chance to actually do something useful here. I could certainly use your knowledge of the Free Marches, and you're more than capable to assist me with anything that might come up. We're going to find her sister and then we're going back here to take care of unfinished business."

Cullen saw a dangerous glint in the spymaster's eyes. She was furious underneath, he saw that now. She was just a thousand times better than him at controlling herself.

She walked away and slipped up the stairs, leaving Cullen only to wait and try to heed her advice: bottle up his feelings until he could let them out unhindered, when they returned with Trev's sister safely in their care.

_What a glorious and violent day it will be._

* * *

Trev did indeed come to visit him later that night. Cullen was relieved to see that there wasn't a trace on her of the beating she had taken. He wasn't sure if he could remain calm if he had to see her like that again and was glad that Dorian seemed to have done a fine job.

She looked a little sad when she saw him sitting on the floor of the cell but she smoothed out her expression and adopted a look of determination on her face.

"Cullen..." Her voice was soft as she came closer, her fingers sliding around one of the bars of the door. "I'm sorry we had to do this."

He stood up and walked towards her, closing the distance between them. He caressed her fingers with his, only the bars between them now.

"It's alright, my love. You did what you had to. I'm sorry I lost control."

She looked up at him, relief apparent in her eyes.

"No, you don't have to say sorry. If I saw you in the same state I was in... I would kill anything that even moved close to you. That's why I had to get you in here. Because I understand."

She closed her eyes as he reached out and touched her face, his hand barely squeezing through the bars.

She tilted her face into the palm of his hand, her eyes still closed, as if it could keep the rest of reality out for a few moments of blessed peace.

"Please, Trev. Help me understand... why did he do this?" he whispered.

She slowly turned her eyes to his and looked at him, hesitant.

"I promise I'll stay calm," he said.

"Someone saw us. Leliana was wrong, she wasn't the only one. When we slipped into the keep together after the party... I thought... Maker I was so stupid. I thought everyone here in Skyhold were loyal to us. No one likes Turner, not really. But he must have someone here working for him. There are so many people who come and go these days, it's impossible for us to keep track of them all. I was careless. After the lecture I gave you about finding some other girl to avoid suspicion... just to fuck it all up a day later. It was all my fault."

Cullen wanted to hold her so badly, but he kept quiet and let her continue.

"In the morning, when he woke up... someone must have told him about us. I was still asleep when he dragged me up and... I'm sorry, I'll spare you the details. He was so  _angry,_ Cullen, rambling about how I'd betrayed him. He's not right in the head. Me and my stupid ideas... making him care for me, I thought it was so smart. But it only made things worse."

"It's not your fault, Trev. You couldn't have known, you only tried to make things a little easier. Let me go with Leliana tomorrow."

She looked up, surprised. "You want to go to Ostwick with her? I... I don't know, Cullen. It could be dangerous."

"It's better than the alternatives, don't you think? You either have to keep me imprisoned, or I have to go through the torture of not being able to do a single thing about this, and Turner will probably freak out when he sees me. Where does he think I am now, anyway?"

"On a mission. So I guess... sending you to Ostwick is the best option after all."

"Then will you please unlock the door so I can hold you before I leave?"

A small, careful smile played at her lips and she pulled a key out and did as he asked. She opened the door and he immediately pulled her into his arms. He breathed her in and kissed the top of her hair, savouring the feeling of her arms tightening around him as she buried her head against his chest.

"I love you so much, always. I'll bring her back to you, I swear," he said, his voice low and emotional.

"I know you will."

He pulled his head back and looked at her. "I only have one condition."

"Oh?"

"When I return with Rose, and you see that she is safe with your own eyes... You give me one hour with Turner before you kill him."

She smiled, a dangerous, wicked smile, and something appeared in her eyes that would make even Cullen tremble if he was her target.

"If you wish it, I'll give you a week with him, however long you want. My own condition is that I get to watch every second. Do what you want as long as it doesn't kill him. I would ask you to make sure he suffers, but I know that you will. And then, I get to be the one who snuffs the life out of him for good."

Still smiling, she kissed him hard.


	18. Chapter 18

Leaving Trev behind in Skyhold brought on a host of conflicting emotions in Cullen. He hated leaving her to fend for herself. With neither him nor Leliana there, she had no one who knew the truth. On the other hand, they couldn't really do anything to help her even if they were with her.

He felt so utterly powerless, and he  _hated_ it. The only thing that kept him going on the way to Ostwick was the thought of getting revenge on Turner. That hour that Trev had promised him. Or the week... He would take as long as he needed. He thought carefully on all the ways you could hurt somebody without killing them. Where to hit, where to cut, how much... Cullen had never been an overly violent person, he didn't enjoy killing or hurting people.

But Maker, he would enjoy this. Wiping that smug grin off of Turner's face, the fear in his eyes when he understood that he would get all that he had done to Trev back a thousandfold. Watching Trev get  _her_ revenge. The things they would do to that fuck... Cullen hadn't even known his imagination could be so gruesome before all this happened.

It was night when they finally arrived in Ostwick. The trip was not long but it felt anything but short to Cullen.

They were met at the docks by a few of Leliana's people. Cullen was escorted to a townhouse to lie low while Leliana went straight to work. He was to wait until she had something solid they could act on.

He waited for days, cooped up in that house, with nothing to do except dream of revenge and Trev. And oh, he  _dreamed_.

Dreamed of hurting Turner, but most of all, he dreamed of her. His goddess. Her naked body, her radiant face, her soft hair cascading down her shoulders, barely covering her creamy, soft,  _delicious_ breasts... He wanted to taste one of them, to flick his thumb over her nipple, run his tongue over it and hear her moan, feel her shiver as he sucked deeper, pulling her into his mouth and grazing his teeth against her soft flesh...

He could barely keep himself from stroking his hard cock as he lay there in the darkness of the night in that cursed house. He wanted to be home, with her. He  _wanted_ so much. He needed her on her knees before him, he knew how she loved to drive him crazy, teasing him before finally taking him into her mouth. Shivers rippled through him when he remembered what it felt like, the madness she summoned in him when she licked the tip of his cock before dragging her wet, hot tongue along his entire lenght. When she guided his hand into her hair, encouraging him to grab it and be rough with her, the way she went wild when he did so, moaning and squirming and taking him deeper, gagging on him but still taking him deeper... He imagined that he plunged his hand down between her legs, feeling her soaking wetness, shoving his fingers inside her, making her scream until she couldn't take it anymore. She would push him down onto his back and straddle him, breathing hard before she would slowly, so  _slowly_ impale herself on his cock...

Cullen was abruptly awakened from his fantasy by a sharp rap on the door to his room. He got up and opened it to find one of Leliana's spies on the other side. She had finally sent for him.

He and three spies hurried through the dark streets. He was worried about the Ostwick guard, famous for their watchful eyes, but Leliana's people avoided them expertly. They finally arrived in front of the house they suspected Trev's sister Rose was being held captive in, just outside the gates. Leliana was waiting for him there.

She nodded her head to him in greeting.

"Cullen. My spies are crawling all over the house. We've found no way to infiltrate it, so we take it by force, but quietly," she whispered. "We can't waste any more time. If she's in there, we'll get her out. If she's not, I'm quite capable of...  _making_ people talk."

Cullen had no doubt about that, and was glad that she was his friend and not his enemy.

They swung the gate open quietly, slipping inside as he noticed movement everywhere on the outside of the house. There must have been at least twenty people scaling the walls and climbing the roof. He was astounded by the fact that they didn't make a sound. The night was deadly quiet. He saw them slip in through windows and doors simultaneously, while he and Leliana crept towards the front door. He could see now that all along the pathway up to the house and in the bushes, by the facade of the house, there were guards slumped down on the ground, unconcious or dead. They entered and heard clattering sounds and muffled screams coming from all around the house. They encountered several guards themselves, making quick work of them.

They advanced through the house, room by room, until they came into a large sitting room. Leliana's people had several men pinned down in there, knives held to their throats.

"Sister Nightingale. We've been through every room in the house. The Inquisitor's sister... She's not here."

Cullen felt his stomach drop at the scout's words. He could feel hope slipping through his fingers. This couldn't be happening. Was there to be no end to this agony?

Leliana cursed but quickly regained her composure and turned her attention to the four men pinned down by her own men.

"These people looks like thugs. Why would so many people be guarding an empty house, hm? Why would it be filled with nothing but more guards and thugs?" She paced in front of them, staring them down. None of them would meet her eyes. "And why would packages of women's clothes be sent here? I haven't seen a single woman so far."

Leliana bent down in front of the one to the far right. "Tell me what you know."

The pinned down man refused to look at her and he didn't say anything. She nodded to her scout and in one swift motion, he cut the man's throat. The other captured men gasped as blood poured out onto the floor. Leliana didn't so much as blink as she got up and walked over to the next one. "You then. Your life or the whereabouts of Rose Trevelyan. Choose quickly."

The man started to shake but to his credit, he didn't say a word. Leliana herself stabbed her blade into the man's throat this time. Cullen saw one of the other men's eyes flicker towards the corner of the room so fast he would have missed it if he'd blinked.

"Leli. There's something in here," Cullen said, his eyes searching the floor where the man's eyes had betrayed him.

She came over to him. "I don't see anything."

"No, I saw him look over here when you killed his friend. He couldn't help himself, I know that look meant something."

They walked over to the corner together. The floor was carpeted and had no sign of any disturbance. Leliana bent down and knocked on the wood through the carpet. She cocked her head to her side as she listened. She took out her dagger again, still dripping with blood, and started cutting through the carpet.

Cullen's heart started to pound faster as he realized she was on to something. He helped her rip the carpet out and he gasped when he saw a trap door in the floor. Leliana wasted no time and grabbed the handle and yanked it open. The both looked over the edge, weary of the darkness below.

"Somebody get me some light, now!" Leliana ordered.

One of her men hurried over to them with a candle. She took it and held it down, illuminating the darkness beneath the hatch.

There, huddled into the corner of the small space, sat a woman, gagged and hands bound but otherwise in a seemingly alright condition. She had light brown hair, and as she turned her face towards them, eyes squinting, Cullen thought he might faint. She was beautiful, and he recognized her in an instant, just as he had done with Lord Trevelyan. There could be no mistaking it. While she was not nearly as beautiful as her sister, this was without a doubt Rose Trevelyan.

* * *

As soon as they had found her, they left as quietly as they'd come. Most of Leliana's people stayed behind to clean up the mess, making sure that all anyone would find in the morning was an empty house.

Rose was taken back to their safe house to get cleaned up and examined by a healer. As soon as they saw she was in good pysical condition, Cullen made haste with her to the docks. They would set sail for Ferelden immediately, making towards Skyhold with great haste.

Leliana stayed behind. Cullen was surprised at first but it made sense when she explained to him that she needed to meet with the Teyrn of Ostwick to make sure that the Dreallor's were exposed to everyone now that they had proof of their involvement. The Inquisition could technically judge and sentence anyone who'd wronged them, but Leliana thought it would be good for political reasons to not go completely over the Teyrn's head with this matter, seeing as the Dreallor's was a very prominent family in Ostwick. With the exception of Turner, of course. Nobody would begrudge the Inquisitor her personal sentencing of him.

The voyage back to Skyhold didn't take long. Cullen was more than eager to get there but was happy that he had the opportunity to speak some more with Trev's sister.

She was shaken by the entire ordeal, naturally, but in good physical health. She'd been kept in the house under constant guard but nobody had injured her. Although she was their captive, she still commanded some respect as a Trevelyan and as a Chantry sister. They'd only thrown her down the hatch when the commotion broke out in the house right before Cullen and Leliana found her.

Cullen found her to be as nice as the rest of her family. A little more quiet than her sister perhaps, and a great deal more modest. Cullen chuckled fondly as he thought of Trev, so straight forward and commanding. Soon, soon he would see her again.

Rose thanked him over and over, praising the Maker for sending him to recue her. But he would have none of it and insisted that it was all Trev's doing. Rose was moved to tears when he told her about all that Trev had endured for her sake. He wasn't trying to make her feel guilty, he assured her of that, he just wanted her to understand how much her sister loved her.

Their ship finally arrived in Ferelden. They rode to Skyhold in haste, and Cullen could feel his pulse quicken and adrenaline shoot through him as they rode through the gates. He'd dreamed of this moment for so long, words couldn't describe how he felt. He would see Trev again, he would deliver her sister to her.

_And I'll get my hands on Turner._

He saw her running down the steps to the lower courtyard as they rode in. Rose's horse came to a halt first, and she barely had two feet on the ground before Trev embraced her, squealing with joy as she hugged her sister. Cullen smiled as he dismounted his own horse and approached them.

Trev looked up and her face glowed as she met his eyes. Her own were filled with tears, gratitude and love emanating from them. She let go of Rose but kept her close as she threw her arms around him.

"You did it. You brought her here, safely. I can't believe it," she whispered, her arms tightening around him.

"I promised you I would, didn't I?" He kissed her, then, softly, savouring the feeling of her lips against his. He could die a happy man like this, but for one thing.

He broke the kiss and leaned back, looking at her, his pulse racing again.

"Where is Turner?"

Trev's eyes darkened and she turned around and looked up to the top of the stone steps. All eyes followed and caught on Turner, who was standing frozen in shock at the top of the stairs. Cullen started to walk towards him, murder in his eyes. Turner went very pale and before Cullen had even begun to climb the steps, he turned on his heel and ran.

Cullen almost smiled as he walked calmly up the stairs.

_Oh, this is going to be fun._


	19. Chapter 19

"Joesphine is taking care of Rose, so I'm going with you. You needn't hurry, he's not going anywhere," Trev said as she joined Cullen on his way up the stairs. "A few hours before you came, Leliana's raven arrived. I knew you were coming, I just wanted to see Rose with my own eyes first, to really believe she was safe. But I told the others what's been going on. Not the people, but our friends. And all the guards knows Turner is not permitted to go anywhere in or out of Skyhold."

Cullen looked at her sideways while he climbed the steps, his pace still calm. "How did the others react?"

Trev snorted. "How do you think? The only thing that kept any of them from killing Turner themselves was my explicit orders not to breathe a word in front of him until you and Rose arrived." She snaked her arm around his and Cullen stopped and looked at her. She smiled and her eyes glinted with both adoration and danger.

"I saved him for you and me, my love." Her smile widened as she spoke the words and she kissed him with weeks worth of heat. Cullen groaned and gripped her arms, desperate to touch her. He was in complete awe of her. Her sweetness mixed with her dangerous,  _deadly_ side did strange things to his insides. If he didn't know her so well, he would probably think she was a bit mad. Maybe she was, a little, but not in a bad way.

And Maker, he loved her for it.

He broke the kiss reluctantly, their foreheads still touching.

"Shall we get down to business, then?" he murmured.

She smiled again.

"Oh, yes."

They walked up the rest of the stairs hand in hand. Just before they could see past the top, they heard a man cry out. Cullen looked at Trev, who shrugged and motioned for them to go forward. After they'd climbed the last step and walked into the upper courtyard, they froze, taking in the scene before them. Cullen raised an eyebrow and Trev started laughing.

Turner was on the ground, with Iron Bull sitting on top of him.

"Hey, boss. This little fucker tried to make a run for it, I figured the Commander had arrived with your sister. Is she okay?"

Trev nodded, stifling her laughter with her hand.

"Good, good. Hope you don't mind me keeping him here for you. Man, you should have seen the look on his face... I promise you he came to an abrupt halt." Iron Bull grinned while she walked up to him. She touched his shoulder in gratitude and motioned for him to stand.

Turner let out a gasp as the qunari got up, probably because he was able to breathe again. His relief didn't last long since Cullen quickly grabbed him by his collar and yanked him off the ground, lifting him up so high his feet barely touched the ground. The humour had left Cullen's face and he snarled at Turner like an animal preparing to kill its prey.

"Wait, Cullen. Not yet," Trev said.

Cullen whipped his head around towards her, still almost strangling Turner.

"Are you  _joking?_ What is there to wait for?"

"Nothing to wait for, my dear, we just need a change of scenery. This isn't the place." She walked up to him and put her mouth close to his ear, and thus close enough for Turner to hear as well. "The things we're going to do to him... It's not fit for a public area. And I don't want any of our poor servants having to spend the next week cleaning out the blood from the cobblestone."

Turner's eyes went wide and he started stuttering even as he struggled for air from Cullen's iron grip.

"No wait, please, just talk to me Lily, we can... argh... we can work this out! It's just a misund..."

She slapped him hard in the face and Cullen threw him down on the ground.

"Don't you say a  _word_ to me, you little shit." She looked murderous as she bent down over him. "If you so much as take another breath before I tell you to, I'll fucking cut your throat right here, do you understand?" Her voice was low but full of power. Turner only nodded, gulping.

Trev stood up again. "Come on, Cullen. Let's drag his sorry ass back to my quarters before he pisses himself. Bull, would you mind terribly coming with us and guard the door? I'm afraid things might get loud and messy in there. I don't want anyone disturbing us, and I don't trust anyone but you to keep their cool while they hear what they're going to hear."

Iron Bull only smiled. "Of course, Boss. I'll consider it my reward, hearing that fucker suffer at your hands."

Trev started to walk towards the keep, taking point moving like a queen, while Cullen and Bull grabbed one of Turner's arms each and dragged his whimpering form after them.

* * *

They shut the door to Trev's quarters behind them, Bull standing on the other side. Cullen threw Turner down on the floor in front of the fireplace and as soon as he'd released his grip, Trev kissed him. His stomach fluttered in excitement, both from her affection and of their impending revenge.

"You fucking whore!"

Trev raised her eyebrows at Turner, who'd gotten up from the floor and made the seriously questionable decision to scream that at her.

"Oh Maker, did you  _really_  just call me that in front of Cullen?" Her tone was wickedly amused and a smile crept onto her lips. "Boy, was that a mistake or..."

She didn't have time to finish her sentence before Cullen's fist came smashing down into Turner's face. Blood splattered across Cullen's shirt but he didn't care. It would be soaked in it before the night was over. Turner gasped and coughed and fell down to his knees, his face incredoulous, as if he couldn't believe he'd actually taken a blow. Cullen grabbed his neck and leaned down, his face so close to Turner's now that the nobleman trembled in fear, hardly daring to breathe.

"Don't you  _ever_ call her that. Do you think death is the worst I've got in store for you?" Cullen snarled and pushed him down to the floor hard.

Trev sauntered over, as if she was enjoying a stroll in the garden, not exacting revenge on her worst enemy.

"You remember when I told you he was smart, Cullen? I take it all back." She stopped before Turner, who still hadn't gotten up from the floor. "Provoking my man like that? Stupid, stupid, stupid." Her smile was frightening and, to Cullen, exhilarating.

"He is not your man!  _I_ am your husband, Lily! You..."

Cullen's fist silenced him again. Blood started dripping out of his mouth.

"Oh? I though I was a whore three seconds ago?" Trev said, watching Turner as Cullen lifted him up by the neck, forcing him to look at her. "Which is it? Whore or wife?"

Despite his obvious fear, Turner sneered at her. "No matter what you do to me, you'll always be my wife. The Chantry does not allow the dissolution of marriage, you know it." He smiled smugly at her until she started to laugh hysterically at him and his smile faltered.

"Oh Maker, are you for real? Cullen, did you hear that? He actually thinks he's going to survive this!"

Cullen snorted, and Turner's face went deathly pale underneath the bloodsplatter.

"You... you can't kill me! I'm a Dreallor, of the most powerful family in the Free Marches! My father would..."

"Your father has already been detained, you fool, along with the rest of your family, who is by the way nowhere near as powerful as you think. Did your father make you believe that you were? You're a minor house of nobility, and you've just royally pissed off the head of the Trevelyan family and his daughter, me, the  _Inquisitor_ for fade's sake! How fucking stupid can you be?"

"It would have all worked out if it wasn't for  _him_ ," Turner snarled and inclined his head towards Cullen, who was still holding his neck forcefully. "He made you question me, betray me. You  _wanted_  me, I know you did. The way you gave yourself to me, offering your body to me like a whore, the way I made you scream..."

Cullen's blood thrummed in his veins as he listened to Turner's lies and when he saw the horrified look on Trev's face, what little self-control he'd possessed so far disintegrated.

With an angry snarl, he smashed Turner's head face down into the floor, shivers of satisfaction running through him when he heard the sickening crunching sound of bones breaking. He knotted his fingers through Turner's hair and yanked his head up.

Turner screamed in pain as the shock of the blow subsided and he probably realized that his nose was broken.

Trev continued to watch, her eyes dark, with anger or something else, Cullen couldn't tell.

"You really are fucking crazy. How  _dare_ you claim that I gave myself to you willingly? You forced me, threatened me every time with what you would do to my sister if I didn't let you fuck me. How you would cut her, hit her,  _rape_ her. Even after I started to pretend that I liked you, you still didn't stop your threats. You  _enjoyed_ seeing me squirm, it got you off, you sick fuck. You tortured me with it, forced me."

Cullen couldn't breathe, he could barely hear over his pulse beating like thunder in his veins. He didn't know it had been so bad, she never let it show. She must have hidden it for his sake. It made him sick.

He didn't think it could get any worse until he heard Turner scoff and speak again.

"You loved every second of it," he said and spat some blood on the floor to mark his contempt.

Cullen didn't have time to react before Trev had closed the distance between herself and them and hit Turner in the face. He screamed like a wounded animal as her fist connected with his broken nose.

"I'm going to hurt you for every time you forced yourself on me."

Cullen felt his heart break as she hit Turner again, and again, and again. He lost count and the implications made his stomach turn over. When Turner passed out and fell to the floor, she couldn't stop, and Cullen had to drag her off to stop her from kicking the limp form on the floor. Not because he didn't deserve it, but because he knew she wanted to keep him alive longer.

They weren't done with him yet.

Cullen sat her down on the bed and put his arms around her, expecting her to cry or something like it. He'd never seen her lose control like that before and expected a flurry of emotion to come crashing down on her now.

He was surprised when he saw a smile tug at her lips.

"Damn, that felt good. I've wanted to do that for so long. Sorry I stole it from you, love, I know I promised you exclusive rights to this before I kill him."

Cullen was a little lost for words. "I, uh... that's fine, Trev. Are you alright?"

"Of course. Even better now that I've gotten a few good blows in."

She flexed her hand in front of her, and he was concerned to see that not all the blood on her was from Turner.

"Your knuckles are split open, love... We should go see a healer."

"We'll do nothing of the sort. This is barely a scratch. And the pain is good, it comes from a good reason."

Cullen was even more surprised when she kissed him, with a passion. Cullen moaned into her mouth as she pressed herself against him. It felt a little strange at first, kissing like this, touching each other while they were both soaked in the blood of the man laying unconcious on the floor. But he was still filled with adrenaline and he guessed that she was too. He knew that nothing she did should surprise him at this point anyway. She did exactly what she pleased, not caring if it was strange or not. And he loved it.

She broke the kiss and her eyes lit up. "I have an idea. A  _fun_ one. You up for it, handsome?"

"Anything you desire, my love," Cullen said, already missing her lips and her heat against him.

"Go wake him up. Hard."

He complied and walked over to Turner. He bent down and grabbed him by the collar and slapped his face until his eyes fluttered open.

"Hey, stay awake now. Lady Trevelyan demands it."

"Tie him up, my love. And tie him to the railing too so he can't move." Trev threw some rope to him that she'd procured from under her bed. Cullen's eyebrows raised but she just winked at him. "I was saving it for a special occasion for you and me."

Cullen felt heat spread in his lower regions at the implication of her words. The first promise she ever made to him, to tie him up and... But this was better. He put the ropes around the protesting Turner and pulled the knots hard, forcing him to sit still with a veiw out over the room.

"What the hell are you doing? Let me go, you lowlife!"

"Quit your fucking whining, you idiot," Trev said. "This is not a negotiation or an argument. You're just going to sit there and watch. Cullen, be a dear and gag him, will you? I can't stand the sound of his whining, pathetic voice anymore."

"Of course, love." Cullen tied a piece of rope tightly around Turner's head, putting it between his lips, making sure that it cut harshly into the corners of his mouth. Turner groaned in pain as Cullen brushed his broken nose while he finished the knot.

"Whimper all you like," Trev said. "I'm going to show you what you can't seem to get through your thick head. I didn't  _enjoy_  a single second of your hands on me. It disgusted me. I'm going to show you what it looks like when I enjoy something, when a  _real_ man makes me scream in pleasure. Watch carefully, since it could be the last thing you ever see in this life."

Cullen was a little shocked, even though he knew he shouldn't be. She wanted to have sex in front of this shithead? But when he saw Turner's eyes go wide and heard him try to speak angrily against the rope in his mouth, he thought it might be the best idea he'd ever heard.

And when he looked at Trev and saw the way she was looking back at him, with smoldering eyes watching him like he was the only person in the room, he knew he was done for.

He walked up to her where she stood by the bed and kissed her, and  _Maker_ did she kiss him back.

Her tongue licked the inside of his mouth before she pressed it against his own tongue, licking and sucking deliciously. She pressed herself against his hard body and his head spun when he felt the swell of her breasts against him and her hand touched the outside of his breeches, feeling his hard cock underneath. He groaned and put his own hand between her legs, and she whimpered and moaned as he pressed his fingers against her cunt and he felt her wetness soak through the fabric.

He couldn't wait to taste that wetness. He pushed her down on the bed.

"Take your jacket off," he commanded, and she immediately obeyed and unbuttoned it fast. She wore nothing underneath and he stared as she exposed her soft, perfect breasts to him.

"You like?" she purred and licked her fingers before lowering them to her breasts where she stroked them and played with her nipples between her fingers. Cullen almost came right then and there by the sight.

He growled and yanked down her trousers. He lowered his head and placed small, wet kisses on her inner thighs, his cock straining against his breeches as she whimpered in delight. He kissed his way up to her core and gave her a teasingly light lap on her pulsing clit. She moaned loudly.

"Yes, Cullen, more!"

He licked his lips and kissed her there and she bucked her hips up as he licked her over and over again. Her screams of pleasure spurred him on and he couldn't resist slipping a finger into her, working her wet heat while he lapped her cunt until she convulsed and came around his fingers.

"Fuck, Cullen! Maker, fuck!" she screamed as her orgasm took her.

He smiled and knelt over her on the bed. She took his wet fingers and licked them. They were mixed with blood and her come, and seeing her taste it was mindblowingly hot. He crashed his mouth down on hers and kissed her furiously.

She pushed him up so that he was standing at the end of the bed and she clawed at his clothes and armor. Soon, he was naked, breathing hard as her eyes seemed to drink him in. She turned around and stood on all four, arching her back, showing off her perfect ass to Cullen, who's eyes almost popped out of his head.

"Come on, Cullen, let's show that little shit how it's done.  _This_ is what it looks like when I offer myself to someone I love, how I ache for it, beg for it. From a  _real_ man, willingly." She looked back at Turner, who was outraged, his face red and eyes black with anger. Trev laughed when he tried to yell something that was muffled by the rope. Cullen shivered at the delightful sound of her laughter. She turned her eyes to Cullen and they changed to adoring again. "Will you show him, Cullen?"

"Fuck, yes," he growled and gripped her hips and  _pushed_ himself into her, loud moans escaping them both as her cunt clamped around his hard cock. She threw her head back and he started thrusting into her. She went wild beneath him, squirming and pushing herself up to meet each thrust.

"Deeper," she breathed and he pushed even harder into her, angling her so that he reached all the way into her. He couldn't believe how good it felt, his whole body shivering with pleasure as he pounded into her, her delicious moans spurring him on. He watched her ass bounce up and down and he couldn't resist reaching down and circling his finger around her tiny, pink asshole. She gasped and let out small sounds that assured him that she liked what he was doing.

"Maker, yes, don't ever stop," she mumbled, her hands grabbing fistfuls of the sheet.

He started to thrust faster, he knew he wouldn't last much longer, the sight of it too much for him. Seeing her underneath him while he fucked her hard, his finger slipped inside her ass and she squealed in pleasure as he worked her hot body in all possible ways.

His finger pumped her fervently while he continued to thrust into her cunt.

"Ahh, Cullen! Fuck it feels so fucking good! Don't... ohh... don't ever stop! Fuck me! Harder!"

She was screaming now and he could feel her walls contract around his cock as she came again. It drove him completely over the edge and he came inside her with a loud groan, thrust after thrust of his come spilling into her.

Cullen slipped out of her and fell down beside her on the bed. The lay panting for a while, before Turner's muffled sounds became too annoying to ignore.

"Maker, what?" Trev said, her voice irritated. She slipped out of bed, wrapping herself in a blanket. Cullen did the same and pulled his breeches back on while she walked over to Turner.

"My my, why are you huffing and puffing like this, hmm? Have you learned something new this evening?" Trev said, her tone sarcastic.

She leaned down and pulled the rope out of Turner's mouth. He spat out some blood and Trev wrinkled her nose in disgust.

"You slut! You fucking whore! I am you husb..."

Trev put the rope back in his mouth, muffling his tirade.

"Guess not," she said. "Seems we need to educate him some more. Darling?"

Cullen walked over and stood towering over Turner, who went suddenly quiet, looking up at the other man. Cullen supposed the little bastard didn't feel emboldened by the look in his eyes, murderous as it was. The nerve of that fucking little shit, after all he'd done to Trev.

_After all the times he's put his disgusting, fucking hands on her..._

"Didn't I tell you not to call her that? Bad decision for your health, I would say," he said, rubbing his fist in the palm of his other hand before he shot it out and connected it with Turner's jaw. More blood splattered on the floor.

He felt much better.

"Shit, I'm ruining your floors here, my love," he said, a dark smile playing on his lips. He looked at Trev, who's smile mirrored his own. Her eyes were alight and full of darkness at the same time, an exhilarated look on her face as she opened her mouth to speak, her voice excited.

"Don't settle for just the floor, my darling. Paint the whole room red."


	20. Chapter 20

Cullen sat in the bathtub with Trev in front of him, her back to him. He was washing Turner's blood from her body with a sponge, loving the feeling of being able to take care of her again. They'd spent most of the night giving Turner what he deserved, until he was but a breath away from death. Then they'd let Iron Bull haul him off to the dungeon to lock him up. Dorian had healed Turner in his cell. Not completely, but enough to make him presentable in time for the sentencing that they'd arranged in a few days.

As much as they would have loved to kill him right away in Trev's quarters, it was better to make an example out of him. An example of what would happen to anyone who tried to blackmail or hurt the Inquisitor.

So Trev would sentence him and then carry out the verdict herself.

"It's only fair that Rose gets to watch him recieve his punishment, although she is not as... how shall I put it? Vengeful? Bloodthirsty? As I am." Trev laughed softly at herself and despite the actual meaning of her words, Cullen thought he'd never heard a sweeter sound in his life. She seemed so relaxed now. As much as he loved her commanding side and her unrelenting attitude against her enemies, he loved her softer side even more. He was probably the only one who really knew her like this and he was proud of it. No one else would have believed that what she'd just said was anything but dark, but he heard in her voice that she wasn't taking herself seriously.

"My father is coming as well. Leliana's informed him of what's happened, so he's joining her on her trip back here. They should make it in time for the judgement. He will be happy to see Turner bleed. I guess I got that from him."

She sighed with contentment as he continued to massage her back with the sponge and she leaned back against him. He kissed the top of her head and relished having her in his arms with no one disturbing them. She was his again, only his.

Or maybe not quite yet.

"When Turner's dead, you won't be married to him anymore. But you'll be his widow. Doesn't that bother you, having him attached to your name like that?"

"Yes, it does. That's why it's handy having a Divine that used to be a companion. Vivienne herself has sent a representative from the Chantry. He'll be here in time for the judgement. Turner was right when he said the Chantry does not allow common divorce, but they do allow annullments in rare cases. And my case definitely qualifies. Right before Turner's punishment is to be carried out, the cleric will declare the marrige annulled."

"Wow. That's a whole lot of business you got done in that half hour you've been gone this morning," Cullen said, a smile tugging at his lips. These news were music to his ears.

"Well, I sent the raven to her as soon as you were on your way here with Rose. She must have answered immediately." She turned around to face Cullen and smiled sweetly at him.

"So in the eyes of the Chantry and the Maker, it will be like this marriage never happened. I will be entirely yours, with no other man's name to claim me."

Cullen looked at her with a serious expression.

"That wouldn't have bothered me one bit, my love, I hope you know that. My only concern is you and your feelings."

She cocked her head to one side and looked at him, reminding him of when they'd first met, how she used to look at him with that feline curiosity that made his knees weak. She reached up to his face and touched his cheek.

"And my concern are  _your_ feelings, Cullen. I want to wash myself of all this nasty business, and I'm not just talking about the blood in this bathtub. I want a fresh start. Easier for you to propose to a young maiden than to a widow, no?"

Cullen stared at her.

"Pr-propose?" he stuttered.

Trev smiled, a mischievous glint in her eyes. "Fine, calling myself a maiden might have been a tad bit over the top. You know  _personally_ that I'm no inexperienced, young damsel. Well, young maybe, but you get my point."

"I-I..." Cullen swallowed, hard.

She laughed softly again.

"Relax, Cullen. I'm only trying to lighten the mood. You can propose or not propose anytime you'd like. As long as I get to be with you in some way I'm the happiest woman in Thedas."

She kissed him, which did absolutely nothing to calm his racing pulse. After the kiss, she buried her face in his neck, sighing again, seemingly very relaxed. Which was more than you could say about him.

"If... if I asked you, to be my w-wife that is... would you say yes?"

His heart beat like a battledrum in his chest.

She kissed her way up to his mouth and kissed his lips again, parting them with her tongue before she found his.

He moaned and melted into the kiss.

"What do  _you_  think?" she breathed. "But it will have to wait until we've finished all this business."

She sank back into the water and looked at him, excitement in her eyes.

"First, I have my current husband's head to cut off."


	21. Chapter 21

Cullen was pacing on the battlements, only a few hours before Turner's judgement was to be held. He was a nervous wreck by now, still thinking of what Trev had said a few days ago in the bath. Had she really wanted him to ask her to marry him or was she simply teasing him? It was impossible to tell if she was serious sometimes. At first, he had dismissed it as playful teasing, after all she had said that she was only trying to lighten the mood. But he couldn't just let it go. He'd dreamed of her as his wife for so long, long before this whole mess. He just hadn't expected her to want it so soon after being forced to marry Turner, thinking that she would probably need a break from anything like that to avoid being reminded of this ordeal.

But he wouldn't be surprised if she didn't see it that way at all. He usually worried much more than she did. He worried even as he thought about the fact that he worried too much. She could be sweet and loving, yes, but was she really... romantic like he was? He didn't doubt that she loved him, but he didn't know how she would feel about a fluffy proposal or a grand declaration of love. He absolutely did not want her to think he was stuck up or cheesy or anything of the sort.

_Maker, she makes me tremble and fret like a young boy._

He chuckled to himself but he got nervous again when he thought of how he should go about it. Should he wait a little longer before proposing to her? Should he ask her father first? No, that was silly, he already knew Lord Trevelyan approved, and he should be trying  _not_ to be so old-fashioned.

But what if it hurt her feelings if he waited? She was the one who'd brought it up in the first place.

Cullen shook his head, trying to clear it. It would have to wait until after Turner's sentence was carried out anyway. He would just support her and be there for her in the meantime, and figure out the details on the way. The idea of asking her to be his wife was terrifying - and exhilarating at the same time.

It was still morning and he thought he could use a good round of training to blow off some steam. He was still a bit sore after the night they'd 'taken care' of Turner in Trev's rooms and he thought it might do him some good to stretch his muscles a bit.

Ten minutes later, he'd joined a group of his soldiers for their sparring. They were excited that the Commander got his hands dirty with them, and it didn't take long before they challenged him to one-on-one matches in wrestling, swordfighting and the like. He really enjoyed it.

He'd just taken down one of his soldiers when he heard the crowd that had now gathered to watch them quiet down a little, murmurs replacing the shouting from seconds before.

He looked up from the muddy ground, sweat running down his bare upper body, to see Trev watching him along with her sister Rose and their father, Lord Trevelyan.

He got up as gracefully as he could manage and cleared his throat as he walked up to them. He bowed his head in a respectful greeting, and was surprised but delighted when Trev leaned in to kiss his cheek. He had barely seen her for days with her being so busy with her sister, catching up after not seeing each other for years, and welcoming her father back the day before this one as well.

"My ladies, always a pleasure. Good to see you again as well, my Lord, under better circumstances this time. I beg your pardon for my rather unrefined appearance, I'm afraid you've caught me at an exerting time." Cullen smiled at them.

"No need to be so formal, my love. You're family," Trev said and caressed his cheek. He was again surprised by this display of affection in front of her family, seeing as they weren't married yet, before he reminded himself for the hundredth time that she did as she pleased.

Her family didn't seem to mind, anyway, judging by their warm expressions.

"My sister is right, Cullen. After all you've done for us, for me and Lily, for my whole family – we are all in your debt." Rose looked completely honest as she spoke, and her father nodded his agreement.

"I knew you would figure this out after I came to visit you, my boy. I'm just sorry I couldn't help you more. I'll be forever grateful that you did what I failed to do. You protected my daughters." Lord Trevelyan placed his arms around both of his daughter's shoulders and hugged them to him.

"Father..." Trev began, but he interrupted her with a shake of his head.

"It's true, Lily. I should have protected you. I'm just glad that it's over now, and I hope you gave that little shit what he deserved before you threw him in the dungeon."

"Father! Language!" Rose exclaimed, but Trev laughed and Cullen couldn't help but to smile.

"Oh, Father, don't you doubt for a second that we did, me and Cullen both. I would have gladly killed Turner already, but this will make a better show, plus the marriage will be annulled before his death. I can't wait to see the look on his face when he hears it." Trev looked excited and her father nodded.

"I agree, you need to make a statement," he said.

"So..." Cullen began, a thought occurring to him. "Rose, Lily. Lily and Rose. A family of flowers then?" A smile tugged at his lips when he saw Trev roll her eyes at him.

"You  _see_ , Father? I've told you, it's ridiculous. What were you and Mother thinking?" she said, her tone annoyed.

Rose and Lord Trevelyan only laughed at her, and Cullen joined them. He felt at ease with these people, which gladdened him since maybe soon they would be his family too.

"Well, if you're going to gang up on me, I'll leave you here to keep mocking me in peace. I have a judgement to prepare myself for, and a sword to sharpen." She pretended to look offended but she winked at Cullen before turning around.

She took a few steps before turning around again, smiling and about to say something when Cullen heard a whooshing sound followed by a nasty thud. Trev's expression turned from cheery to horrified as she looked at him.

He felt strangely numb. He thought he saw something in the corner of his vision and looked down, surprised to see blood dripping out of his own mouth. He felt dizzy and he fell to his knees, confused. He couldn't feel anything, and his hearing dulled. He thought he heard Trev scream and he wondered why, even tried to ask her but no words came out of him, only more blood. He fell forward and then – nothing.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos and comments!
> 
> Feedback and comments really keeps me going so feel free to leave some if you like the story (or not :P)
> 
> Thanks for reading!

Leliana had never seen the Inquisitor so enraged.

The usual calm demeanour of their beautiful leader was gone, replaced by something primal and dark. The scariest thing was that she didn't lose control. It would have been understandable if she had done so considering that she had just seen the love of her life get run through by an arrow right in front of her. But after a few minutes of holding his limp body in her arms, she had understood that there was nothing she could do for him.

Leliana had rushed down to the scene from her tower when she'd been informed of what had happened just a minute earlier, one of her scouts out of breath from running up the stairs to tell her. She flew down the steps into the courtyard just in time to watch the Inquisitor rise from Cullen's body, leaving him in Dorian's hands. Leliana could see that Dorian had already drained himself of all his magic, but Cullen didn't stir.

The look in Trevelyan's eyes alarmed Leliana. She knew that look, because she'd had it herself at several occasions in her life. This would not be pretty.

Trev started barking orders at everyone around her. To immediately lock down the keep, not a soul in or out, and search every inch, every corner of Skyhold and bring any suspects to the throne room to wait for her. Leliana nodded her consent when her scouts looked to her for approval, and she breathed a little easier, knowing how capable her people were, she knew the job would get done.

Trev spoke briefly to her shocked family members, who still stood frozen staring at Cullen's body. Whatever she said jolted them out of it and Lord Trevelyan took Rose's arm and led her towards the keep. Rose looked back at her sister over her shoulder, her face shocked and filled with worry.

The Inquisitor turned and marched towards the jail. Leliana felt compelled to follow her to make sure she didn't do anything stupid. She knew she was headed for Turner, but this was Leliana's area of expertise. For the Inquisitor's sake, she would hold her back if need be, to best extract the information out of Turner. Sometimes blunt force wasn't the best way, although she suspected that Trevelyan didn't share that particular view right now.

The way to the dungeon was heavily guarded, as it had been since Turner was thrown in there, to make sure no escape would be possible, but Trev dismissed all the guards and ordered them to participate in the search for the assassin. She did the same when she entered the jail itself, ordering the half-dozen guards away, Leliana following her closely.

The Inquisitor paused before Turner's cell came into view and turned her head towards Leliana.

"Stay if you'd like, but do  _not_ interrupt me."

Leliana only nodded. Words would be useless right now.

Trev walked up to the door of Turner's cell and fished up a key from her pocket. She stared at Turner, who was sitting in a corner of the cell, bruised and pale. He smiled when he saw her and Leliana saw Trev's hands start to shake as she tried to fit the key into the lock.

This was not a good sign.

Leliana approached her carefully and put her hand gently over hers.

"Let me." Trev surprisingly yielded and let Leliana unlock and open the door for her.

Turner stood up as the women entered. He looked at Trev with those shifty eyes Leliana despised so much, a smug expression forming on his face.

"What's the matter, my dear? You look awful. Did someone die?"

Leliana could practically  _feel_ the violence in the air. It was like waiting for thunder to strike, those breathless moments of anticipation before, making your pulse race even though, or maybe because of, you know what is coming.

She was surprised when the Inquisitor didn't strike him down right away. Her face was... frightening, calm but her eyes almost black.

She pulled out one of her daggers, slowly, the steel singing against the sheath. It was the zigzag one, a design Leliana was more than familiar with, being a rogue herself. It was not primarily used to kill, but to cause painful injury on it's target.

Turner snorted. "What happened, darling? Cat got your tongue?"

She closed in on him.

"I've got nothing to say. You will be the one talking."

Trev had him backed up against the wall now and he had nowhere to go when she kicked him hard in the groin, causing him to gasp and fall to his knees. Before he had time to catch his breath, Trev caught his hand and angled the tip of her dagger under one of his fingernails and drove it in. It all happened so fast Leliana could barely register it before a bloodcurdling scream rose out of Turner. He wailed over and over as Trev twisted her blade, blood spurting out of his mangled fingertip. Finally, she pulled her dagger out and Turner almost fainted.

"No, no, no, you're not getting away so easily. You're going to stay awake," she said and flipped the dagger around in her hand and traced a line down his cheek, cutting into his skin.

He screamed again, fully awake from the new source of pain.

"Maybe now you understand how this is going to work. You're going to tell me everything. Who did it, who was involved in any way, who their fucking mother is. You understand?" Trev's voice was low but resonated with authority. It was almost spellbinding, even to Leliana. When she spoke, you  _listened._

"I... I told you, I'm the only one for you. You think I didn't know how you carried on with him behind my back? How you violated our union?" Leliana listened to the words he spoke to her friend, disgusted. She couldn't tell if he was delusional, cruel or just plain crazy, but his words sickened her, as she was sure it sickened Trevelyan. He deserved all he had coming. "You're an ignorant, fucking whore if you thought I wouldn't make sure he would never get to touch you again, one way or the other. The  _Commander,_ " he sneered. "I told you it was over between you, and I made sure I was right.

Trev finally snapped and with a snarl she buried her fingernails inside the wound on his cheek, as if she was trying to claw his skin out.

The screams he let out was like nothing Leliana had ever heard before, and she'd heard and caused countless men to scream. This wasn't bringing them any closer to finding out who'd shot the arrow at Cullen, and she put her hands around Trev, holding her back from doing any more damage. She fought her grip but Leliana shushed her.

"Come on, please calm down, he'll get what he deserves in a few moments, but we still need information from him. Justice, for Cullen's sake."

The last bit stopped Trev's fighting and she sank to the floor with Leliana's arms still around her. Turner was lying sprawled in the corner, wailing like a wounded animal.

Trev started breathing fast and loud and Leliana felt her heart clench as she saw everything hit her friend at once. She was panicking.

"He... he's dead, he's dead, isn't he? Cullen, my Cullen, he's dead. Dead?"

Leliana tightened her arms around her, stroking her head, trying to calm her down.

"We don't know that, maybe Dorian..."

"Dorian drained himself. I saw. It didn't help. Oh Maker help me, he was just lying there, Cullen, I just left him there on the ground!"

"Maybe he got help, we have a few other mages here in Skyhold. We don't know what's happened while we've been gone."

"None of them are half as good as Dorian and he couldn't do a thing. Maker, he's dead. I'll never get to feel his arms around me again, to feel his warmth against my skin..." Her head snapped up suddenly, her eyes fixating on Turner. "You. You did this. I don't care who fired the shot, you're the one who ordered this. I'll find them, every last one of everyone who's ever been involved. Everyone who has followed your orders in this. They're all dead men."

Trev got up on her feet and she walked up to Turner who was still lying on the floor but silent now, watching her as she approached him. She lifted him up by his collar, pushing him up into a standing position against the wall. Leliana felt him reek of fear, but he was too stupid to keep his mouth shut.

"So he  _is_ dead?" He smiled as much as his mangled face allowed him, a cruel and satisfied smile. "My deepest condolences on the loss of our  _great_  Commander, my dear."

His smile vanished as his wife raised her dagger and before Leliana could yell at her to stop, she pushed it against one side of Turner's throat and ripped it open. Blood sprayed out of him and the Inquisitor closed her eyes as her face became drenched in the thick, dark red liquid. She almost looked like she enjoyed it.

Turner's body fell to the floor, a look of shock still frozen on his face.

Leliana could hear Trev's breathing steadying after the adrenaline from the kill subsided.

She almost didn't hear her when she spoke in a low, almost whispering voice, still staring at Turner's body.

"For you, Cullen."


	23. Chapter 23

Trev let out a pained noise where she stood, still staring at Turner's dead body on the floor of the cell.

Leliana grew even more worried when she saw her friend double over as if she was going to retch, but nothing came. Trev pushed her fingers against her temples and rubbed. She was whimpering now.

"We were supposed to do this together," she whispered. "Me and Cullen... I promised him. He was supposed to watch. Ending Turner's life was to be my gift to him. Maker... I can't... I can't breathe..."

She fell to her knees and started to hyperventilate.

"Shit," Leliana muttered under her breath. She needed to distract her, now. The loss of Cullen would be great for them all but they couldn't afford to have an Inquisitor in this shape. She needed to get a hold of herself.

Leliana leaned down over Trev and gently rubbed her back.

"Calm down, my friend, please. We need to get you cleaned up, there is so much blood on your face."

There was no change in Trev and at this rate she was going to pass out soon.

Leliana had to gamble with her next words, but anything was better than having the Inquisitor pass out on a dirty floor next to the body of the man who's blood she was drenched in.

"Think of the other culprits. They're still out there. Maybe even in the throne room right now, waiting for your judgement."

That seemed to get her attention. Her breathing calmed and Leliana continued to rub her back, helping her to slow down her pulse.

Trev took a deep breath before she looked at Leliana.

"I want to go right now. Take me there."

"Let's get you cleaned up first..."

"No. Let them see me covered in the blood of the man who's orders they followed. I trust our people will have cleared out all the visitors and nobles from the throne room, so no need to keep up appearences for their sakes."

There was no argument to be had. The Inquisitor's authority reverberated in her words.

Leliana helped Trev to her feet. Just before exiting the cell, Trev turned her head slightly in the direction of Turner's body without looking at him.

"Ask someone to take care of this mess. I want every trace of him erased from Skyhold."

Leliana only nodded and followed her up through the stairs and the rest of the keep until they were outside again.

Not many people were around. They'd probably been ushered in somewhere more safe than out in the open courtyard. An assassin, or maybe several, could be anywhere. Although Leliana didn't worry too much about that. Her people would have found the guilty party by now.

Trev and Leliana had just begun to climb the stairs leading into the throne room when Cassandra, Iron Bull and a mage that Leliana hadn't seen much of before, a shy girl, emerged from the door leading out of there. The mage ran past them, her hands full of lyrium and health potions.

Leliana arched an eyebrow in question. Cassandra was the one who answered her.

"Dorian is in bad shape. Really bad. Olivia is taking potions from the undercroft to him now to see if it can help. Unfortunately, she doesn't have any healing skills. All of the mages we have here who are proficient with healing are already drained from trying to help the Commander... I'm so sorry, Inquisitor. Dorian boosted himself with their magic, they poured everything they had into him and he did everything he could to bring Cullen back. He's almost dead now because of it."

"Cassandra!" Leliana hissed. "What are you thinking, telling her this? She doesn't need to hear this right now."

Cassandra looked confused but Trev spoke before she had the chance to respond.

"It's alright, Leliana. She was right to tell me." Trev's shoulders slouched in defeat and she stared down into the ground as she talked. "I will go see him right after..." She turned her eyes to Cassandra and Iron Bull. "You have the one who did this? The one who fired the arrow?"

Iron Bull nodded. "We do, boss. And the traitors who let him into Skyhold. They smuggled him past the guards and Nightingale's people."

Leliana felt both annoyed and relieved at this. Angry because someone had slipped in under their watch, and relieved by the fact that they'd had inside help, so it wasn't really their fault.

"How many traitors are there?" Trev asked, her tone hard.

"Four so far, Inquisitor, plus the assassin," Cassandra said.

Leliana grabbed Trev's hand.

"Please, Inquisitor. I know how you must feel right now but you mustn't kill them all now. It is vital that we know how widespread the treachery is within these walls."

Trev pulled her hand back from Leliana's.

"Fine. But the one who fired the arrow is mine. Let the others see what I'll do to him. That ought to loosen their tongues, two birds with one stone."

Leliana's eyes flickered over to Cassandra's and the Seeker nodded. She agreed.

"Alright, Inquisitor," Leliana said. "If you swear to give the others to me I'll do this quick. I won't rest until I'm finished."

Trev nodded, and walked up the rest of the stairs, closely followed by the ever loyal Bull.

"I've got your back, boss," he murmured behind her and Trev gave a slight nod of acknowledgement.

They entered the throne room together. There were no people in there except a few guards at all the doors, Josephine and the five prisoners, in chains and kneeling in a straight line on the floor in front of the throne.

Leliana saw Trev flinch as her eyes gazed upon the prisoners, and she did the same when her eyes followed. They knew these people. One was an elf who worked in the kitchens, another a gardener, a  _gardener_ for Maker's sake! A third one Leliana recognized as one of the newer merchants. The fourth one she didn't remember ever seeing before. He must be the archer.

Her observation was disturbed when Trev lunged forward and grabbed the fifth and last person by the collar and yanked him up off the floor.

"You! You are one of Cullen's own soldiers! He trained you, he was your brother-in-arms you worthless, traitorous fuck!"

Leliana and Cassandra had to physically remove her from the soldier, who was crying now, shame filling him to the brim. He threw himself at the Inquisitor's feet.

"Forgive me, my Lady, please! I swear I didn't know what they were going to do to the Commander! Please! I would never have been a part of this if I thought..." he gulped, snot running from his nose mixing with his tears. "If I thought they would hurt either you of the Commander, I would never, please..."

He went on and on. Leliana thought the display pathetic. He was a traitor and blaming his own stupidity didn't change that.

"We will deal with you later. Shut up, now," she said.

He didn't seem to hear her as he went on babbling and crying. Leliana looked over to Iron Bull who nodded and dragged the crying, screaming man out of the room and returned without him a minute later.

The silence that followed was broken when the elf started whimpering in fear, staring at the Inquisitor's blood-soaked face.

Trev pointed to the man Leliana hadn't seen before.

"Is this the one?"

Josephine stepped forward. "Yes, Inquisitor. We have several eye witnesses who say they saw him walk around the battlements just before the attack. No one seems to know who he is, which is highly suspicious since everyone allowed into Skyhold goes through clearance first. A crossbow was found a very short distance away from where he was spotted as well. He would have had the perfect angle from there."

Leliana watched the man as Josephine spoke. His expression was perfectly neutral the entire time. He was young, in his twenties.

"What do you think Josephine? Crow?" Leliana asked.

"No, I do not believe so. This was far too sloppy."

Trev started walking slowly back and forth in front of the young man, her eyes never leaving his face.

"So you were the best Turner could get a hold of, hmm? Who are you?"

The man shifted his gaze to her. "I'm not saying a word."

"I'll take that as guilty. What do you say, Leliana?"

"Indeed, Inquisitor. I don't doubt that for a second. He's not even attempting to claim his innocence."

"Who gave you the orders?" Trev asked him. "Turner's been in custody for days, under heavy guard, so it can't have been him."

He just stared at her, his face still neutral. It was almost impressive.

Trev took out her dagger, still wet with blood from Turner. Just as she grabbed the man's hand, ready to do something to it with her blade, the elf, who was shaking in fear now, opened her mouth to say something.

"Stop! Please stop! I can't watch this... I... w-we let him in because we'd been told a long time ago to do so, in case Lord Dreallor went missing or if you somehow incarcerated him."

"Like what, a failsafe then?" Trev asked, her voice dangerously low now. The elf started to shake even more under her gaze.

"Shut up, you idiot! We're all going to die anyway if you betray him!" It was the assassin who hissed the warning to the elf.

"Maker, betray  _who_?" Trev exclaimed, rage taking over. "I'm so fucking tired of all these twists and turns! Why can't there just be one bad guy?  _One_ person to kill. Who is it that you're speaking of?"

The elf was sobbing now, she tried to say something but it was hopeless.

Leliana placed a reassuring hand on Trev's shoulder. "She knows, as does the rest of them, most likely." Leliana swept her other hand in front of them to indicate the three prisoners that were left except the assassin. "We have no need for this one. He seems to be more work than the others anyway. Do what you want with him."

The young assassin turned his chin up defiantly at Trev when he heard the spymaster's words.

"Did you like it when he fucked you, your worship? Lord Dreallor told me he made you scream every night, like a hungry little slut." A lopsided grin spread across his face, his first indication of any emotion.

Trev walked up to him and cocked her head to one side and returned his grin with a smile of her own.

_Your funeral, stupid boy,_ Leliana thought as she watched the amused darkness grow in the Inquisitor's expression. It sent shivers down her spine.

The man's grin faltered a little and his eyes widened as Trev suddenly plunged her dagger down into his groin with full force, a sickening sound echoing in the room as the steel met his flesh.

He screamed, roared in pain as she drove the blade deeper into him, maiming his manly parts.

Trev's voice rang out over his screams.

"Do you like it when I fuck you?" She twisted the blade further. "Do you like how I make you scream like a hungry, little slut?"

His screams only intensified and more blood splattered up on Trev.

She finally pulled the blade out from his flesh and he passed out and fell face down into the floor.

The other prisoners were crying and wailing now, afraid that this was waiting for them after she was done with him.

Trev nodded to Leliana.

"Guards! Take these prisoners down to the dungeon. I want a full watch down there around the clock," the spymaster ordered. The men immediately obeyed and dragged them out of there, leaving only Trev, Bull, Cassandra, Josephine and the mutilated man on the floor.

Trev grabbed him again and shook him back to consciousness.

"I'll kill you the same way I killed my dog of a husband," she said to him and drove her dagger into his throat and cut it open. Blood pooled out on the floor.

The door to the throne room opened behind them and closed again but Trev payed it no attention. She was still staring at the man who had shot the arrow through Cullen.

She didn't stir until she heard a voice close behind her, shaky but unmistakable.

"If that's what happens to all of your husbands... I think you may have to wait for that proposal you wanted until I'm brave enough to face the consequences, my love."


	24. Chapter 24

Trev whipped her head around to find the source of the voice and drew in a quick, sharp breath, shock very much evident on her face. She stumbled backwards and Cassandra had to steady her with a hand on her arm.

"C-Cullen?" she said, her voice quivering. "Is this some kind of trick? How are you still... no, this is some sort of deceit, you're a demon. Or this is a dream..." She backed away further, shaking her head but seemingly unable to tear her eyes of the man before her.

Cullen was struggling just to stand up, sweating from the exertion. He shouldn't be up and about, the mage who'd watched over him when he'd woken up had practically screamed at him when he left his bed. But he had to see Trev to make sure that she was alright. He'd been told he was the only one who had been hit by the assassin but he needed to see that she was safe with his own eyes.

He felt relieved when he saw her but his stomach dropped when she turned around and he saw that she was covered in blood. He understood that she had killed Turner and now this man lying on the floor, but still... he couldn't be sure that none of the blood was hers.

_And why in the Maker's name does she think I'm a demon?_

"Please, Trev, tell me what's wrong," he said, his voice still rough from the ordeal he'd been through.

"No, you stay away from me! Just go away! Don't torture me like this, with  _him_... Please!" Trev's voice was panicked and Cullen looked at Iron Bull and Josephine, both shrugging. They didn't know what was going on either. His eyes fell on Leliana next, who's eyes were wide as she looked back at him.

"What in the fade is going on here?" he asked to nobody in particular. His strenght faltered by the second and his confusion at Trev's behaviour didn't help. He groaned and fell down to one knee, bracing himself against the floor with one hand.

Leliana seemed to regain her composure and hurried up to him to help him, Iron Bull doing the same from his other side. They supported his arms and helped him stand up again. Trev was still shaking her head and mumbling about demons and dreams while Cassandra tried to calm her down.

"Damn, the boss is really losing her shit over there," Bull remarked.

"Why? What's happened to her?" Cullen was sick with worry, and angry because he didn't have the strenght to walk over to her and take her into his arms. He could barely stand and his mind was starting to get a little foggy as well.

"Maker, Cullen... we thought you were dead. The Inquisitor - she held your limp body in her arms for several minutes. You had no pulse." Leliana's voice was low and awe-struck.

"Wh-what?" He'd been... dead? It was all black. He couldn't remember entering the fade or anything like that. He just remembered speaking to Trev and her family and the next thing he knew he was waking up in a bed that wasn't his, with a mage standing over him pouring magic into him. He'd felt like a whole cavalry worth of horses had trampled him. He still did.

Bull looked at Leliana in surprise.

"You didn't know that he lived?" She shook her head and he continued. "Right after you left to follow the boss, Dorian was powered with the magic from all the other mages here. He was nearing total drainage but he refused to stop, he said he just needed a little tiny itty bit more and the Commander would be brought back. Muttered something about how he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he robbed the world of such a pretty face. I don't know if he meant himself or Cullen." Bull chuckled at the memory before his expression turned serious again and he looked at Cullen. "He passed out in the exact same moment that you began breathing again. It was total chaos. Drained mages everywhere, the vint on the brink of death, same as you. You weren't exactly stable. We sent you with the only mage with any healing skills still standing, and Dorian had to make do with Olivia." The qunari turned his eyes to Leliana again. "The rest of us got caught up in the chase for the assassin but we sent word to you. Didn't a runner come to tell you that the Commander had survived?"

Leliana shook her head. "Maker, no. The Inquisitor ordered all the guards out of the dungeon so she would remain undisturbed with Turner. Some of the guards must have taken her very seriously and stopped anyone who tried to enter. But why in Thedas didn't Cassandra say something when we met outside the throne room not fifteen minutes ago?"

Bull shrugged. "She didn't say that the Commander was dead, either. We thought you knew that he wasn't, like I said. She only updated you on Dorian's condition."

Cullen's head swam. He could barely focus on their words anymore. The only thing he had energy left to focus on was Trev. He watched her sitting on the floor now, her face in her hands, Cassandra speaking to her in a soothing voice. He needed to make her understand it was him, not some desire demon come to torture her. He  _needed_ to free her from that pain. Andraste, if anyone knew what it was like to be tortured and tempted with the one thing you couldn't have by a desire demon, it was him. He didn't wish that pain on anyone, least of all on his Trev. It killed him just as much as the physical pain he was feeling. He tried to take a step forward but stumbled, only Bull and Leliana's support keeping him from toppling over.

"Please, Cullen, we must take you back to bed," Leliana urged. "You must have lost so much blood, do you want to get yourself killed? Do it for her sake. She just needs to wrap her head around this, can you imagine the shock she's going through right now?"

Cullen shook his head. "But I need to... I need to hold her, to tell her it's alright. If I can just touch her, she'll know it's me." He took another weak step forward, and Leliana sighed but didn't protest again. He could hear Cassandra's voice now as he was slowly progressing towards her and Trev.

"Please, Inquisitor, snap out of it. He's really here, look! If he was a desire demon, he wouldn't look so pale and injured. He would look completely normal and try to lure you in with falsehood. What you see before you is the truth. None of us would be here trying to convince you if this was just a dream or if you were trapped in the fade with a demon. Look at him!"

She did, raising her wide eyes slowly, letting them glide over his body and then his face. Her expression grew confused as she seemed to notice his condition for the first time. He was limping, deathly pale and a large bandage covered a good part of his bare upper body.

He finally arrived at her feet and fell to his knees in front of her after Bull and Leliana released him from their supporting arms.

His breathing was ragged and he felt like he was going to pass out at any moment, but he had to make her see him first. Sheer willpower kept him conscious.

"It's me, Trev. It's really me, I swear. Please, let me take your hand."

She looked hesitant as he slowly reached out for her.

"Only with your permission, my love. I would never touch you if you didn't want me to."

Her face softened and she gave him a small, barely visible nod. He gently touched the tip of her fingers, moving slowly so he wouldn't startle her. Then he carefully covered her hand with his and squeezed it lightly as if to reassure her that it was going to be alright.

Trev took a deep breath and her eyes seemed to clear.

"Is it truly you?" she whispered.

Cullen nodded. "Yes, it's me, I promise."

"I... I thought you were dead... How?"

Cullen wanted to hold her in his arms so desperately.

"I'll explain everything later, Inquisitor. We'll be over there if you need us," Cassandra said and walked away, ushering the others with her to the other side of the room.

"Please, Trev, just let me hold you."

She looked at him with her wide eyes one last time before she threw herself into his open arms. Cullen felt an incredible warmth flood him as he embraced her. He breathed her scent in as she buried her head against his neck. He rested his cheek against the top of her head, not caring in the slightest that it was, like the rest of her, spattered with blood.

"I thought that you... that you were gone. That you'd left me. I'm so sorry! I should have stayed with you... I just needed to... I couldn't think on the fact that you were dead, I did the only thing that came to my mind."

"Turner," he said.

He felt her nod her head against him. "Yes. I'm sorry... He was supposed to be our reward, killing him together."

Cullen hushed her and caressed her back soothingly with one hand while tilting her face up to meet his with the other hand.

"None of that matters. This..." He kissed her softly on the lips, thankfully relatively clean from blood. He felt tears run down from her eyes and he gently broke the kiss. "This is all that matters."

"I love you, so so much Cullen," she whispered while she buried her face in his neck again. "I will never leave your side again for as long as I live. I'll kill anyone who tries to separate us ever again. I can't believe you're really here." She pressed her warm, wonderful form even closer to him, as if she intended to never let him go.

Her closeness and her words made his heart beat faster, too fast. He felt his mind slip and he passed out again, this time not in confusion and fear, but in a feeling of bliss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updating is going to be a bit less frequent than ususal the next week, my bf is coming home for a week on leave from the military, yay for me :)  
> I'll try to write whenever I can though :)


	25. Chapter 25

Cullen woke up, sweat covering his naked body, arms and legs tangled up in the covers.

_Where am I?_

He was lying in a bed. He knew this place.

_Trev's bedroom..._

His tired eyes were sore as he scanned the room searching for her when he started to hear a faint melody, whispering at first but growing louder by the second. Shivers ran through his body, the voice was so haunting.

He still couldn't see Trev, but it had to be her voice.

"Love? Are..." He paused and coughed, his voice rough. "Are you here?"

The singing stopped.

Trev emerged from the little room that she'd converted into a washroom with a bathtub. She was naked, her skin glistening wet in the light from the fireplace. Her face lit up when she met his eyes and he groaned at the sight of her. He'd been to death and back and he still felt like he'd been chewed up and spat out by a demon, but the sight of his godess would be his undoing.

"Maker, love, put some clothes on or I'm going to pass out again," he mumbled. She laughed softly at his remark and went over to the sofa where her robe was and put it on. He couldn't help but to notice how the silky fabric dragged itself over her body and especially the tempting swell of her breasts, caressing her nipples as she pulled the robe shut with the cord.

"Not sure if that's helping, Trev."

She smiled and walked over to him and sat down beside him on the bed, her hand reaching out to touch his cheek.

"I'm so relieved you're awake. They told me you were fine now but still, it was more than unsettling to see you pass out again." She kissed his forehead and settled in next to him, sharing his pillow, so close to him he could feel her breath. It made him calm having her so near.

"Who are 'they'?" he asked.

"You've been asleep since yesterday when you passed out in the throne room, Cullen. The mages have recovered now and came here this morning to heal the last of your wound. You're going to be fine, but you'll probably feel very tired and worn out for a few days from the enormous strain your body has been through. After I made sure you would be alright, I sent the mages away to see if they could help Dorian." She looked sad as she spoke those last words and took Cullen's hand in hers and stroked it absentmindedly.

"He's still in bad shape?" Cullen asked, feeling more than a little guilty since he was the reason for Dorian's condition.

Trev nodded. "Yes. He's still unconscious. I don't really understand it, to be honest with you. I've fought hundreds of battles in Dorian's company and both myself and the others have suffered serious wounds or been knocked out completely several times. He's revived us every time and not once has he suffered drainage like this. A lyrium potion or two later he would be just fine."

"Did he have access to lyrium potions when he healed me?"

"Well, no. He didn't have any on him since he he wasn't expecting the need here in Skyhold. Neither did the other mages. It all went down so fast, you know. Nobody had time to get any. But still... He was fully rested, he should have been able to handle it, especially considering that the other mages gave their magic to him."

Cullen felt something stir inside of him. A thought that was almost too unsettling to speak out loud.

"Do you think that it's possible that I... that I actually died? That he didn't just pull me back from the brink, but from actual death itself?" He felt odd saying it, but as he did he felt that it might actually be the truth.

Trev looked at him, her expression very serious. "That's not possible. No one can be pulled back to life once they're actually fully and truly dead."

"So how do you explain the drainage then? Why would it take such a toll on him if I was merely injured? However serious the wound was, it shouldn't have been that way, you said so yourself."

"I... I don't know. I guess we have to pray to the Maker that Dorian lives through this and ask him ourselves."

* * *

Prayed they did, but Dorian didn't wake up. The other mages had expected it to happen any day now, but a week passed by and there was still no change in his condition. He was stable as far as they could tell, but he just wouldn't wake up and no one knew why.

Cullen was aching to get back to work. Trev was busier than she'd been since before Corypehus had been defeated, dealing with the aftermath of Turner. There was a lot of explaining to do. All the public knew was that the Inquisitor had suddenly gotten married to a Marcher noble and not far after executed him, his family meeting the same fate after the Teyrn of Ostwick had judged them. Their crimes were not fully understood or explained and it was no easy task for the Inquisition to balance things on this knife-edge. Letting everyone know all the details of how the Inquisitor had been blackmailed and weakened would make the whole Inquisition seem less powerful, with the assassination attempt on Cullen to top it off. But they had to provide some kind of explanation.

He wanted to help her in some way. He wasn't good with politics but he could run everything practical. But she refused to let him, insisting that he needed rest, and everytime he tried to do some work she would appear like magic, despite being so busy, to force him back to bed. It vexed him to no end since he felt fine. Maybe a bit tired still, and sometimes he thought he could feel pain where the arrow had hit him, but he knew it was just phantom pains.

The worst part about her fussing over him was that she refused to let him be intimate with her. After everything that had happened, he just wanted her as close as physically possible. He needed to  _feel_ her, and  _he_ needed to feel alive. When she joined him late at night after working all day, she would shower him with attention, touch him, place searing hot kisses on his lips until they both breathed hard and their hands found hot skin underneath their clothes. The way she sang to him made it even worse, that whispering, haunting melody making him shiver and burn with desire. But it would always end there, Trev pushing him back into the sheets - not to straddle him like he wanted to but to shake her head at him.

"Not yet, you're not ready," she said one night, almost two weeks after the attack.

Cullen growled. "I feel fine, Maker Trev! Don't you pretend that you don't want me too. I can feel it," he said, his voice thick with heat. He felt her inhale sharply as his hand moved against her inner thigh and she squeezed her legs together - an attempt to shake him off or to quell the desire building in her center, he didn't know.

"Of course I want you,  _Andraste,_ you don't even know how much. But I won't risk your health for my own selfish needs and that's the end of it."

He could see the resolve in her eyes. As flushed as her cheeks were, nothing he could say would change her mind.

"How long do you intend to make me wait, then?"

"Until I get a guarantee that you're fully restored and ready for... psysical activities again."

Cullen had an idea. "A guarantee from, say, a mage or healer?"

She nodded. He immediately rose from the bed, ignoring her protests.

"Hey! Where are you going?"

"I'm getting that guarantee for you."

" _Now?_ It's the middle of the night! You'll wake..."

"I don't care. I'll get it right fucking now."

He threw his clothes on and was out the door from her quarters in seconds, marching with purpose towards the mage tower.

He found exactly who he was looking for in there.

"Huth, wake up. Wake up right now." He poked the sleeping body in the bunk before him and the mage who'd healed him when he'd first woken up from the attack stirred. The man opened one sleepy eye and squinted up at him.

"Maker, Commander. What do you want? I'm sleeping." He sank back down into his bed but yelped as Cullen poked him in the ribs, harder this time.

"Not anymore, you're not. You have to come with me to see the Inquisitor."

This made Huth sit back up, more alert by far that a few seconds ago.

"The Inquisitor? Is she hurt?"

"No, I just need you to tell her something for me," Cullen said while he grabbed the mage's arm and pulled him out of his bed. He started to walk back towards Trev's rooms, dragging Huth after him.

"What am I supposed to be telling her at this ungodly hour that is so important it can't wait until morning?"

"You'll tell her that I'm in a perfectly healthy condition and there is absolutely no need to fuss over me, or for me to refrain from physical activity."

The mage looked slightly embarrassed as the implication of Cullen's words dawned on him.

"Oh. Well, I don't know... the Inqusitor will have my head if I say that and it turns out you're not fit for it."

Cullen stopped abruptly and turned to look at the other man.

"Huth, I'm more than grateful that you helped save my life, you know that. But if you don't do what I ask, I just might go a little bit crazy and  _someone_ will be tripping and falling over the battlements this night, you understand?"

"Erm... yes."

"Excellent."

After Cullen marched into Trev's quarters again and made the poor mage tell Trev what she wanted to hear and dismissed him, they were alone. And the feel of the room was electric. He stared at her, that humming coming out of her again and he could do nothing to stop himself from surging forward to where she was in bed, ripping the covers off her to reveal her body to him.

_Maker._

Her hot, naked body, trembling underneath his touch. He could feel the blood rush to his cock as her skin was lit on fire underneath his fingertips. She breathed heavily and bit her lip to stop a moan from escaping her as he slowly lowered his mouth to the hollow between her collarbone and her throat where he licked her skin before his lips followed, wet, hot kisses all over, slightly salty now from her sweat. Andraste, the taste of her...

He wanted to make her whimper with pleasure, he wanted to take her, to make her his again,  _all_ his. He wanted to feel her warmth, her slick wetness around his cock as he pounded into her, passionately,  _relentlessly._

The look in her eyes begged him to do it. When her words did as well, he couldn't hold back any longer.

"Maker, I've waited so patiently for you to feel better... I thought I was in control, but the things you  _do_ to me, Cullen..." she whispered, her breath hot in his ear before she darted her tongue out and licked him. "I want you to take me so-fucking-hard."

He groaned, her words echoing in his head as he lowered his hand to her cunt, biting down on her neck gently as he felt how wet she was for him.

"Bad girl," he whispered and pushed a finger into her.

"Oh, yes," she breathed, in answer to his statement or of pleasure, he didn't know, didn't care either. He couldn't think anymore, the exquisite sensation of her hot, wet body against him making it impossible.

"Stop teasing me, please, Commander... I've waited so long for you to put your  _hard_  cock inside of me again,  _please_ , don't make me beg..."

He wouldn't, not tonight anyway. Tonight, he would do anything she asked.

He buried himself in her and she felt so damn  _good_ , her slick walls pressing against his cock as he pushed himself in and out of her slowly, savouring the sounds she made, the way she moaned his name when he got to her  _just_ right. He opened his eyes and looked at her, the sight making him even hotter than before. Her golden hair was a tangled mess, clinging to their sweat-covered bodies, her swollen red lips, tasting so sweet when he lowered his own lips to hers.

She gripped his arms wildly and squeezed his muscles as her eyes roamed over them.

"Fuck, you're so fucking sexy," she whispered and moaned loudly as he increased his pace, spurred on by her words. He revelled in her reaction, screams and prayers escaping her now as he fucked her senseless. He felt the sweet pressure build up low in his stomach and he lowered his hand to rub his fingers against her clit, looking at her radiant face as her eyes rolled back in her head from the pleasure.

"Maker, Cullen, don't stop! Yes... oh  _Maker_ , right there..."

He growled and drove himself into her deeper, harder as she screamed and moaned, her cunt clenching around him as her orgasm shook her.

"Cullen! Fuck, you're so hot... Ahh!"

He was so-so-so close now, trying to hold back, craving every second inside her.

"Come all over me, Commander," she said and looked at him, eyes scorching hot while she bit her lip and caressed her own breasts. He was done for.

With a guttoral moan, he pulled his cock out of her just as he came, drenching her upper body and her breasts.

He panted hard and fell down on the bed beside her on his back. He looked over to her, her body still a little shaky. She was a mess, but Maker, a fucking hot one. She dragged her finger all the way from her core up over her stomach and up to her breast before she put her finger in her mouth and tasted him, he eyes still dark with lust and a smile creeping onto her lips, a maddening, sexy smile.

"Shit, Trev... keep that up and you're getting round two sooner that you think," he said and raised himself up on one elbow, staring at her and the incredible things she was doing.

"Now that I know that you're  _more_ than healthy again... I'll let you fuck me all night long, my love."

* * *

That sweet, haunting singing again. She was humming in his ear and her voice made every hair on his body stand up, shivers running down his spine. He listened to it for a while, allowing himself to be swept away by it before he came to and had to ask her.

"Trev, what is that song you're humming all the time?"

She tilted her head up towards his face from where she was lying resting on his chest and gave him a wierd look.

"What song? Maker, Cullen, if it's one thing I can't do, it's  _singing_ ," she giggled but stopped when his body stiffened.

She was looking at him with worry now.

"What's wrong? Cullen, is everything alright?"

He swallowed hard and forced himself to smile.

"Nothing's wrong, my love. I was dozing off, I think I started dreaming."

"Oh. Sleep is probably a good idea." She kissed his cheek. "Try to get some rest. I love you." She settled in against his chest and was soon asleep.

Cullen was relieved when he felt her breathing become heavier. That meant she hadn't noticed the rate with which his heart was pounding. A bead of sweat formed on his brow.

He could still hear that song, clear as day, whispering in his ear. But Trev wasn't the one singing, and there was no one else in the room.


	26. Chapter 26

He could hear it all the time now. The melody that made shivers run through him, the voice that prickled his senses and made his hair stand on every inch of his body. There were times when it quieted down and in those moments, Cullen was afraid. Afraid of how utterly empty he felt without it. That first night when he'd realized that it wasn't Trev singing to him, he'd been terrified. But the whispering voice calmed him, soothed his fears and it wasn't long before he felt like a lost child without it.

He knew he should tell Trev, but what would he say? He didn't want to upset her, after all they'd been through, he just wanted her to have some peace. He knew he should worry about this more than he did, so he had gone to see Dorian. He was still unconscious, but Cullen hoped to find some insight when he saw his friend anyway. The closer he got to where he was kept, the fainter the singing became, but it was still present. When he entered the room where Dorian was lying in bed, it stopped abruptly. It was unsettling. It had gone away before but it would always fade gently, not just stop like this. It seemed to want to stop him from coming to close to Dorian.

_It? Maker, I'm losing my mind here, what am I on about..._

He walked closer to Dorian, his steps careful without him knowing why. He stopped before him and just stared at him. He felt so helpless. He stood there for minutes before he gave up. No useful insights had come to him, no moments of clarity about either Dorian's condition or his own problems. He sighed and walked out of the room. As soon as he did, he felt a flood of relief when the whispers returned, the song filling his emptiness again. Suddenly, he didn't want Dorian to wake up. Things were fine, yes, fine as they were, nothing should change. He relaxed and let the singing soothe him.

Later that night, he was making love to Trev. No, making love was not the right choice of words. He was fucking her. It was hard, intense, passionate, crazy. He should have been tired, he'd been up working since before dawn, but the singing in his ears seemed to erase all the fatigue and urge him on. The voice was haunting and deliciously loud in his ears as he drove himself in to Trev. She moaned and met him with almost equal fervor, whispering how amazing it was to feel him again after she'd thought she'd lost him forever. His heart swelled at her words, all his emotions heightened, from the sex or the singing, he didn't know and didn't care. There was only her. Lost in the ecstasy of their coupling, he thought again that she was the one singing to him. Her voice, it's voice, it was the same. And it filled him to the brim, with  _everything._

* * *

The following days passed in a blur. There was so much work to be done, and Cullen did it more efficiently than ever. It hardly even felt like work to him, everything had a faint, blue touch to it that he couldn't describe, it was just there, along with the haunting whispering in his ears.

He was on his way to a meeting with Skyhold's new horsemaster when he saw Trev leaning against the stable wall.

_What is she doing here in the middle of the day?_

She saw him and giggled. That sound wasn't really familiar to him, much too giddy and nervous for her.

_Maybe she's had an early drink?_

He shook his head and snorted at the idea as quickly as it had come to him. If anyone could hold their liqour, it was Trev. Besides, why would she be drinking in the middle of the day?

He approached her. Maker, she looked delicious. He wondered for a moment why she was wearing a dress, not even the airy, short kind she preferred but some Orlesian thing, all princess-like. But the singing quickly drowned that thought and before he knew it, she was in his arms and he was kissing her like a starving man. She moaned and pressed herself against him and he cursed the layers of the obnoxious dress that was between them. He squeezed her ass and licked her neck before biting into it, eliciting a whimpering sound from her. He pressed himself against her thigh which had now come out from under her dress, his hand under her knee. She gasped as she felt his erection against her skin and he kissed her again, ravishing her mouth.

He heard another gasp and felt a sharp pain in his face and blinked several times. Trev's hand was swinging down to her side. Had she slapped him? His heart clenched as he saw tears sting her eyes and she looked at him with such anger and disappointment or... heartbreak. It was like being slapped all over again, seeing her look at him like that.

"Wha..." he began but she interrupted him.

"How  _could_ you? After everything, I thought you... How could you do this to me?"

She turned on her heel, tears flowing from her eyes now, and stalked away, leaving him dumbfounded. He heard someone cough and he whirled around. A girl was leaning against the wall, no more than eighteen or nineteen years old. Her blonde hair was tousled and her lips were swollen, as if she'd just...

_She looks like she's just been kissed, hard._

She gave him a little smile. "Well, that was awkward. I would have thought it was over between you two, considering how...  _passionately_ you just claimed me. But I guess you were just out for a little fun, huh? To be honest with you, I don't really care. You're so gorgeous, Commander, I won't judge you. If you want some more, I'm happy to oblige."

She took a step closer to him while she edged a strap from her dress down over her shoulder, showing the bare skin underneath in a seductive manner.

Cullen shook his head, outraged by the realization that he'd just been standing here, kissing some other woman – all the while believing it was Trev. And now Trev thought that he was having an affair, like som  _dog_ of a man, nothing like Cullen would ever...

_No, I... This is not me..._

The whispering grew louder now, the volume kept on increasing and his emotions were pushed deep down until he'd forgotten what he was so upset about just moments before. The haunting tones sang in his blood, he could feel himself relax and erupt in desire at the same time. He couldn't see the girl before him very clearly, she was shrouded in a bright, blue light hovering all around her, like her surroundings was on fire, only the flames were blue. He could only hear a contented sigh and a moan as he claimed her mouth with his own, again and again, no straight thought forming in his mind. There was only the singing, ever haunting, ever controlling.


	27. Chapter 27

Cullen was screaming inside his own head. There was a war between his moments of lucidity and the times when he was completely wrapped up by the whispering singing in his ears.

The confusion in between was worst of all. He couldn't quite remember what he'd done when the haunting song swept him away. Fragments of time were clouded in his memory, like something just out of his reach. He was afraid, but never for long before the singing filled him again and made him forget his fears.

In a rare moment of clarity, he knew he had to tell Trev what he was experiencing and he had to do it fast before the thought slipped his mind again. He was so unsure of what was happening, everything was a blur, but he knew he needed to tell her. He wouldn't be able to do his job as Commander like this, and she was bound to see that something was wrong with him sooner or later.

It was a cold evening the night Cullen hurried to Trev's quarters. The chill mountain air sent shivers through him and he quickened his step, wishing to be in her warm arms instead of out here. He dreaded seeing her reaction to what he was about to tell her, but it had to be done.

He knocked at her door but there was no answer. He entered anyway, making his way up the stairs, stumbling as he felt the volume of the whispers increase in his head. He tried to focus, to fight the urge to let it soothe him. He needed Trev, not this Maker-forsaken singing.

Andraste, he needed her. Needed her so bad, so bad.

He stumbled into her bedroom and found her sitting in front of the fireplace, her chin on her knees. Her head snapped up when she noticed him.

"Why are you here? You've made it very clear..." She stopped mid-sentence when he fell to his knees before her. Her eyes widened as she saw him put his head in his hands.

"No, no, no... Stop... No more, please just be quiet, I need to talk to her..." he whispered, shaking his head hard.

She sprang to her feet, weary now. "Who... are you talking to, Cullen?"

"Trev, please, I need to – arghh!"

His ears were ringing, the song so loud now, pushing him into the floor. Trev gasped and hurried up to him. She tried to put his hands on him but he screamed and he scrambled backwards, using every ounce of his willpower to back away from her. He pushed his back into the wall.

"No! It doesn't want you near me. It wants to  _hurt_ you." He stared at her, barely seeing her through the blue flames that was gathering around her, growing thicker with each second. Her expression was shocked and helpless. " _Please_ , Trev, get away from here... I can't fight it much longer. It wants me, Maker!"

"Cullen, what is going on? What is happening to you?!" Her voice was panicked, and Cullen wanted nothing more than to comfort her, but the whispers tried to push their way in and he wanted to hurt her at the same time. He bit down hard into his fist to try to fight the repulsive thoughts that tried to enter his mind. He fought harder than ever before in his life, harder even than when he'd been trapped by desire demons in Ferelden's circle. Images flashed through his mind. He suddenly remembered how he'd betrayed her with that girl outside the stables, how he'd kissed her even after Trev had found them – no. That was nothing compared to the things that tried to force their way into his mind now. His very soul fought what the whispers tried to tell him.

_Kill her. She's in the way. Kill her, kill her now and no one will know._

Cullen screamed out loud - he screamed and screamed, Trev jumping back in surprise.

"NO! You will never make me hurt her! Never!"

He forced himself up, fighting so hard against whatever it was trying to control him.

_I would rather die than hurt her._

Trev had backed herself up against the wall, shock, confusion and tears messing up her usually royal and beautiful face. She stared at Cullen, frozen while he took one agonizing step forward after the other.

"Cullen? Where are you going?" she whispered, and when he didn't stop, she yelled it at him.

He turned to look at her, the war in his mind evident in his expression. He looked so infinitely sad.

"I love you, always, no matter what. Don't..." His voice broke down, tears forcing their way out of his eyes. He fixed her with his gaze and she could only stare back at him. "Don't you ever forget that," he wispered. He turned and resumed his course.

When she seemed to realize where he was headed, it was too late. His slow, laboured moves were replaced by something so fast she couldn't even see what was happening until it was too late. He ran towards the balcony and threw himself over the railing, accompanied by Trev's shattering scream.


	28. Chapter 28

The moment Cullen leapt over the railing everything became deathly quiet. He couldn't even hear Trev's heartbreaking scream anymore. He couldn't hear the song either. Most importantly, he wasn't falling. He opened his eyes, which he had screwed shut a second earlier, unwilling to witness his own end. He could see now that he was suspened in mid-air. He didn't understand what was happening. A moment ago he had been in agony, the whispering trying to make him kill Trev. He resisted as much as he could, fought harder than ever before in his life. But he had known it would only be a matter of minutes, maybe even just seconds before it broke him. It was otherworldly, inhuman, stronger than any demon he'd ever encountered. He would rather die than give in to it. His life would be a small price to pay if it meant that Trev would be safe. So he had done the only thing he could and thrown himself off the balcony.

When he opened his eyes, the sight was terrifying. He couldn't see what was holding him up, he was just hanging there in the middle of the air. He craned his neck to look back over the railing and found himself still level with the balcony, he hadn't fallen an inch. He was even more surprised when he saw Dorian standing just inside the double doors, his hands stretched out in front of him, blue sparks flying from them from what must have been the effort of keeping Cullen from falling to his death.

The silence was broken by Trev's desperate voice. "Maker, Dorian, pull him in!" She was on her knees beside the mage where she'd fallen only a moment before when she'd watched – horrified - as Cullen tried to kill himself.

Dorian obeyed and with one, fluid motion, Cullen was dragged out of the air and crashed down onto the floor of the balcony. Trev let out a pained whimper and threw herself over him and cradled his head in her arms. Cullen was so relieved that he couldn't hear the singing anymore and looked at Trev with an assertiveness and a clarity that he hadn't shown since right after he'd recovered from the assassination attempt. She seemed to see it in his eyes and she started crying, sobs racking through her body as every emotion she'd felt for the past few days and the shock of what had just happened hit her all at once.

He looked up at her and thanked the Maker that the singing had ceased and no one was telling him to hurt her, at least for now. But the things he'd already done to her... It pained him to no end to know that he had betrayed her and he hadn't even gotten the chance to explain himself yet. But she didn't seem to care right now. He sat up and took her into his arms.

"It's alright now, love. Hush now, don't cry..." He stroked her back as she continued to sob, her face buried in his neck. "We'll figure this out."

"Yes, can we, please?" Dorian said.

Cullen and Trev both looked up at him and Trev stood up and threw her arms around him. Cullen followed and put his hand on the Tevinter's shoulder and squeezed it, a small gesture of gratitude amidst the chaos.

"Thank you, for everything." Trev's voice was almost down to a whisper, her voice raw with emotion. "I'm so incredibly happy to see you awake. Do you have any idea what's been going on?" She turned to Cullen. "Do you? What's happening to you? You haven't been yourself..." She trailed off and Cullen could see that she was thinking of that other girl.

"I haven't, I swear to you Trev. I barely know what's going on but I'll tell you everything I know." He looked at Dorian. "I'm glad to see you looking healthy, my friend. Do you know how long you've been asleep? What woke you up?"

"I don't know but I was woken up by  _something_. It was like someone shaking me and screaming at me to wake up but there was no one there when I did. I was drawn here right away however, I knew I had to run for it and when I got here, you were leaping over the railing, Maker's breath... I think we all need to go inside and sit down."

They did what he said and Dorian closed the doors to the balcony behind them. Cullen led Trev to the sofa and sat her down. She was still shaking, from the cold or the shock he didn't know. He gently put a blanket from the bed over her shoulders and sat down next to her while Dorian pulled up a chair and seated himself in front of them. He stared at Cullen.

"Ehm, Dorian? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Quiet, Commander." Cullen raised his eyebrows but didn't speak. Dorian closed his eyes. He looked like he was straining to hear something. After a minute of silence, he opened his eyes again.

"Oh, dear."

"What? Please tell us if you know something," Trev pleaded with him.

"Well, I'm not exactly sure but something has... how should I put this? Latched on to you, Commander."

"A demon?" Trev asked, her voice unusually small and trembling.

Dorian looked at Cullen and rubbed his chin, clearly thinking hard. "No, I do not believe so. Does it feel like a demon to you, Commander?"

"No, not really. I've been... hearing things, ever since I woke up after you healed me." He could feel Trev's gaze at him.

"Why in the Maker's name didn't you tell me, Cullen? I could have helped you! I... I didn't know, I just thought that you... Maker..." Her voiced trailed off as she seemed to put things together in her head.

Cullen took her hand in his. "At first, I didn't want to worry you, but then I simply couldn't. It controlled me, made me forget everytime I thought about telling you. I think it wants to hurt you. At first, it was just little things. And then it made me think... that that girl..." he paused as she turned her head away from him and his breath caught in his throat when he saw the hurt on her face. "It made me think it was you. Didn't you see how confused I seemed when you slapped me? But then it started to whisper things in my ear, unspeakable things. Tonight, it wanted me to kill you. That's why I did what I did just now. I could barely control myself and I would rather die than let anything happen to you." He pulled her in and kissed the top of her head.

"What exactly is it you've been hearing?" Dorian asked, his brow furrowed in thought. Cullen told them about the whispers and the singing, the haunting melody that had filled his head ever since he woke up.

"And you say it stopped when you came to visit me? That's interesting. And worrying," Dorian said.

Trev looked concerned. "How so?" She sounded scared again. Cullen hated what this did to her.

"Well, I hate to be a party pooper but that's probably the reason why you don't hear anything right now. It hasn't gone away. It's simply because I'm here that you don't hear anything."

Cullen blinked, processing his words. He was right, of course.

"Maker, this nightmare never ends..." Trev mumbled.

"Cheer up now, darling," Dorian said. "We will find an answer to this. It must have something to to with what happened when I healed Cullen since I clearly have a connection to all of this as well. The details of what happened when I did heal him are still a bit fuzzy, but I'm sure it'll clear up when I've had some time to think."

"What do we do until then?" Cullen asked.

"Well, seeing as how you turn into a cheating, homicidal maniac without me, I guess you'll be my new bunkmate  _and_  my new accessory, Commander. You and me, twentyfour seven." Dorian grinned at him and Cullen groaned.

_Maker, help me._


	29. Chapter 29

It had been days. Days of living with Dorian. Sleeping in the same room, working under his watch, eating in his company... Maker, Cullen wasn't even allowed to take a piss without him there. At least he'd managed to make the smirking mage turn his back to him when he did. He seemed so pleased with himself sometimes that Cullen was beginning to wonder if all this living-together-constantly-crap was really nessecary or if Dorian was even thinking about a solution at all.

Cullen shook his head at himself. He knew Dorian was doing what he could. Every day as soon as Cullen had finished his workload, the Tevinter dragged him along to the library where he poured over books trying to find an answer to their problem. They'd reached out to some of the most prestigious libraries in Thedas to ship more arcane books to Skyhold, and sent for several scholars and mages they believed could be of help. All very discreetly of course. It wouldn't do for the public to find out that there was yet another problem among the high ranks of the Inquisition.

Leliana had arranged most of it after they had filled her and the rest of their companions in on the situation. While they had taken it very seriously at first, Cullen was now the target of their incessant teasing over the fact that he and Dorian were a pair nowadays.

By the fifth day, Cullen was ready to murder someone. Bull and Sera were relentless in their constant remarks and snickering and it didn't help that he was frustrated beyond belief over the fact that he couldn't get a moment alone with Trev. He just wanted to be alone with her, to tell her how much he loved her, to kiss her, to take her to bed with him. He missed sleeping next to her every night most of all. Instead of waking up to find her warm, naked body nestled with his in the mornings, he was now sleeping on the floor of his bedroom, Dorian having claimed the bed. Of course, the first night, the mage had suggested that Cullen was welcome to snuggle up next to him and pretend that he was Trevelyan. Apparently, he "oh-so-wouldn't-mind". Not surprisingly, Cullen had answered with a snort and dragged a blanket and a pillow down to the floor and settled in.

And here he was yet again, another cold, hard night with a Tevinter snoring in his bed. He had almost drifted off when he heard the ladder from his office up to his bedroom creak. He propped himself up on one arm, eyes flitting over to Dorian, but he didn't stir. His eyes returned to the edge of the loft but it was dark and he could barely see. A shadowy form came towards him.

"Who..." he started but fell silent when a sliver of moonlight from the hole in his roof illuminated the figure. His heart skipped a beat when he saw the most beautiful face in Thedas standing over him, her face bathed in silver as she put her index finger against her lip – her delicious, rosy lip – in a silencing motion. The corners of her lips pulled up into a small smile, the smile that turned Cullen's inside to jelly, and she walked over to him as quietly as a mouse. She kneeled and walked slowly over him on all four until her face was level with his. Cullen's breathing became uneven, her closeness almost more than he could bear. She carefully lowered her face down to his, her finger still on her lips, until that finger pressed against his own lips. He could feel her breath on his mouth and he quickly reached out to pull her finger aside so that he could kiss properly. Just as he was about to touch it, she pulled her face away a little bit and grabbed his hand and slowly, so slowly took his finger into her mouth.

Cullen drew in a sharp breath when he felt her tongue on his skin. She licked and sucked his finger while her other hand moved down his body. She pressed herself against him and he could feel every inch of her since he was only wearing a tunic and his breeches.

Assured by Dorian's continued snoring, he reached his free hand down to her ass and pushed her down against his groin. It was his turn to smile as he heard her breathing hitch when his erection grinded against her crotch. She was trying so hard to be quiet, he could tell by the way she bit her lip, having forgotten about sucking his finger now that he was placing small thrusts against her still clothed cunt.

Suddenly, she sat up, straddling him. The moonlight hit her again and Cullen couldn't stop himself from gasping as he saw her. She was only wearing a satin robe which now fell open and she was completely naked underneath. He felt all his blood rush to his cock and it strained against his breeches, begging to be let out and thrust into her. The silver and the shadows danced over her skin and Cullen traced his fingers down from her perfect, round breasts and over her stomach, her bellybutton and down to the wetness between her legs. She inhaled sharply and bent down over him again, her lips touching his ear now.

"We're going to have to be  _very_  fucking quiet, but I couldn't stand another night without you," she whispered, practically inaudibly. Her tongue darted out and licked his ear and he hissed between his teeth and bit down on his lower lip to keep himself from moaning out loud.

_How the fuck am I going to keep quiet when her tongue on my fucking EAR is doing this to me..._

But Cullen nodded. No way in damnation was he letting her slip away now.

She fumbled with the lining to his breeches, not even bothering to remove his shirt. She pulled his cock free of the fabric and he swallowed hard as her hand grasped his flesh. When she started moving it up and down, he bit down into her shoulder to keep quiet, saliva running from his mouth from his strained breathing. She almost moaned as his teeth sank into her and Cullen both cursed and congratulated himself. It was a stupid thing to do since she loved it when he bit her but his male pride soared over the effect he was having on her.

Maker, she felt so good, her perfect hand working on his cock. He thought he had a hard time to keep himself from groaning until she guided him to her opening and sank down onto him, her wet, tight walls clamping down around his hard cock. He wanted to scream in pleasure, he wanted to flip her over and fuck the shit out of her, he wanted to hear her moan and whimper and scream his name.

She worked herself on his cock, fucking herself with it, lifting herself up before sinking down again, ever so slowly. She bit her lip so hard that a drop of blood soon glistened on it and her eyes were closed and her face a marvel of pleasure. It was the most beautiful thing Cullen had ever seen. He wanted to lick that blood of her lip.

He pulled her down and flipped her over, trying his best to do it quietly. He claimed her mouth with his and licked her lips, savouring the taste of her mixed with the blood. His tongue glided in between her lips and found hers and they kissed hard. He wanted her so fucking bad and didn't waste anymore time before pushing his cock into her. She was the one who couldn't keep from gasping out loud this time. They both froze but relaxed again as Dorian's snoring continued. She smiled sheepishly at him and he smiled back before he lost himself in her again. He was fucking her slowly but her hand on his ass urged him on. Her eyes said what her voice could not.  _Harder, faster._

She was so incredibly hot, the sight of her would end this soon.

He lowered his hand to her clit and rubbed her, wanting desperately for her to come for him. He wanted to feel her spasm around his cock while he was still fucking her. She bit her lip again and her breathing was laboured as her eyes pleaded with him.  _More, more, more!_

He thrust into her faster, pushing her hard into the floor while he impaled his cock in her delicious, wet cunt. She shuddered and bit down on her fist as she came around him and he followed, almost relieved that she had orgasmed so quickly. He wouldn't have lasted a minute longer inside his godess.

Not more than a few seconds after Cullen had come inside her did Dorian moan and stir. Trev looked at Cullen, panicked, mouthing o _h shit! w_ hile she pulled her robe shut and scrambled under the bed to hide. Cullen quickly covered himself with the blanket.

Dorian sat up in bed, suddenly wide awake.

"Commander! Are you alright?" he asked, his eyes searching frantically for Cullen.

He waved his head from the the floor in front of the bed. "Down here, Dorian, everything is okay. Why are you awake?"

"I felt a great strain in you, like a crash of emotion, it's hard to explain. I thought the voices were back or something. Are they?"

"No, no I'm fine, Maker. Go back to sleep."

"You..." Dorian started, but stopped and cocked his head to the side. After a few seconds, he crossed his arms and smiled. "Well, well, somebody's been naughty tonight, huh? It's alright Inquisitor, you can come out now, I know you're here somewhere."

_How the fuck did he know tha..._

Trev crept out from under the bed, smiling first at Cullen and then at Dorian, her expression a little embarrassed but mostly amused. "Guess you caught us, dear," she said to the mage, who only chuckled.

"Hard to be sneaky when your loving Commander's mental screams tears through the fade and wakes me up. You must have given him quite a pounding, darling. I thought he was dying,  _again._ "

Cullen groaned loudly and sank back down to the floor from where he'd sat up and pulled the cover over his head. Trev bent down over Dorian and kissed his cheek. "I'm sorry my friend, it won't happen again," she said, still smiling as she walked towards the ladder.

"You're right about that, Inquisitor! If I'm going to sleep with him without any of the fun benefits, no one else is going to have any either! Certainly not if I can't even get a good night's sleep without being woken up by what the Commander uses instead of his brain."

Trev laughed as she descended the ladder and Cullen groaned again, thinking what he had thought a hundred times before in the last few days:  _Maker, please help me._


	30. Chapter 30

It was a freakishly hot day outside. Autumn had already set in but apparently, summer decided to visit one last time. Cullen had groaned in displeasure when Dorian had insisted on dragging them out into the garden along with a heap of books to study. All the other people who were working on his problem were seated inside the cool, stone walls, but not them – of course not.

He was sitting down on the steps to the gazebo-like stone structure in the corner of the garden, several pieces of his armor discarded on the ground. It was simply too hot to wear, and Skyhold was a virtual fortress these days, even more so than before Turner had showed up. Trev had bumped up security to an almost ridiculous level, one even Cullen had deemed a little unnessecary, but today he was grateful for it. He could relax even without the shielding metal on his body.

He held a book in one hand and wiped the sweat off his brow with the other. He looked up when he heard a light snoring sound coming from the bench Dorian was sitting in. The Tevinter was half-sitting, half-lying on it. Cullen chuckled to himself. He didn't even feel irritated, the man was up half the nights pouring over ancient texts, all to help him. He would let him have his five minutes of sleep in peace now.

Cullen looked up when he heard heated voices at the other side of the garden. There were a few other people about but they were all chatting peacefully. This was not so peaceful.

_Shit._

It was Trev. She was standing face to face with the girl he'd kissed when he was out of his mind.

_Shitshitshit._

He couldn't decide if it was best to intervene or to stay exactly where he was.

He strained his ears but could only hear parts of the conversation.

”....lying!...knew it was me...desperate old woman!”

Cullen's eyes widened when he heard the younger girl utter those careless words. Was she mad? Not a soul in Skyhold would say something so disrespectful to the Inquisitor. If not because of personal adoration – which most felt – then out of respect. Everyone had seen countless times what Trev did to her enemies. And _old?_ Trev was but weeks past her twentyfourth birthday.

All those thoughts ran through Cullen's head as he watched nervously for Trev's reaction. To his surprise, his love laughed in the girl's face and leaned in to whisper something in her ear, still smiling. When she was done, she turned on her heel and walked towards Cullen and the girl was left standing, fuming, her hands balled to fists by her side. She looked like a spoiled little brat and Cullen felt sick that he'd actually touched her, his fault or not. He was even more shocked when he thought he could actually hear her yell ”Bitch!” after Trev, but she didn't even flinch and just kept on walking until she reached him, smile widening as their eyes met. The girl stormed out through one of the doors and calm once again settled over the garden. 

”Hello, my love.” Trev sat down beside him on the steps and kissed his lips lightly, as if nothing had happened.

”Ehm, hi... was what _that_ all about?” he asked.

”Oh, nothing you need to worry about. It's funny, really.”

Cullen looked at her skeptically. ”Really?”

”If you insist, I'll tell you.” She sported an amused expression now. ”I got word this morning that a girl named Rebecca wished to see me. Or, as my rather perplexed messenger told me, demanded to see me. So I took a walk with her and you just witnessed the end of that walk. She'll be on her way home now, with or without the guards escorting her, depending on her behaviour.”

”What in Thedas did she want to speak to you about?”

Trev giggled, clearly very amused now. ”She demanded that I should immediately stop meddling in your relationship. Said I ruined your happiness with her.”

Cullen couldn't believe what he was hearing. ” _What?_ ” His expression must have been incredulous because she laughed when she looked at him. 

”I'm telling the truth, I swear! She claimed she was in love with you and you with her.”

”Wow... now I actually feel kind of bad for her. Poor girl.” 

Trev jokingly slapped his shoulder. ”Don't. I had her looked up before I met her. From what we can gather, she's been sent here by her father to gain any sort of influence in the Inquisition. When you approached her, she probably saw a golden opportunity. When you didn't even remember her after, she probably freaked out and demanded to see me in a fit of madness. Could you imagine any other reason? The things she said to me! Maker, if I had been in a foul mood, I could have thrown her in the dungeon or worse. No one besides you and our friends knows that I would never do such a thing, she didn't know that. Stupid girl.”

Cullen breathed a sigh of relief. ”And you... you're not angry with me?”

”Fade, no! Cullen, I know it wasn't your fault. And by the Maker, even if I would have doubted it, I'm more than certain now. I've never heard a more obnoxious Orlesian accent in my entire life!” She laughed again, a carefree, wonderful sound that Cullen hadn't heard from her in ages. He smiled at her.

”You're right about that. Never could stand the sound of Orlesians,” he said and laughed with her.

Trev leaned in and lowered her voice to a whisper. ”Are you sure?” Her voice was thick with an astoundingly accurate Orlesian accent. ”I could make all your dreamz come true...”

Cullen laughed harder, relieved by her humourous new take on things and amused by this newfound impersonation skill. 

”If you're trying to turn me on, Trev, you're failing miserably,” he said, his mouth pulled up into a crooked grin.

”Oh?” She'd switched back to her normal voice. ”Well, I can rectify that.”

”Really?” he asked, amused.

”Watch me.” She dragged him up to his feet and pulled him with her behind a nearby tree. ”I think a little motivation is in order.” 

”Motivation?” he asked, confused and excited now.

”Yes. Motivation for you to solve this whole mess so we can be alone again. I'm going to tell you...” Her lips dragged across the sweat-soaked skin of his neck and he shivered in pleasure. ”... what I'm going to do to you when we can finally be alone again.”

The air felt even hotter now, heat blasting him both from the outside and the inside.

His breath hitched as he felt her lips, wet after her tongue had licked them, against his ear. His eyes widened until they felt like they were going to burst out of his head as she whispered things to him, things that even after all that they had done together in the bedroom, made his cheek go madly red. He swallowed hard as she continued, her hand dragging across his chest and down to the lining of his breeches. He felt her fingers slip inside, slick with sweat, and he gripped her arms as she whispered unspeakable things in his ear, driving him absolutely mad with desire. He desperately wanted her hand to go lower, but then she stopped and stepped back, smiling at him. She knew exactly what she did to him and she started to walk away. 

”You better wake up our friend and get to work, love. You know what's waiting for you when you do,” she called back over her shoulder, drawing curious glances from people scattered throughout the garden.

Cullen stared after her until she disappeared into the keep. Another one of Dorian's snores shook him out of his reverie and he hurried over to his sleeping friend and grabbed his shoulder to shake him awake.

”Wha-what, where's the fire?” the mage mumbled, still drowsy with sleep.

”You need to wake up. We're getting out of this blasted sun and into the library where we can study harder, and we're bringing Dagna, the mages, the scholars, every soul we can think of that can help. We're solving this shit right now, no rest until we do. Come on.”

Dorian looked astonished as Cullen actually grabbed his hand hand dragged him with him.


	31. Chapter 31

”This is a bad idea.” Cullen looked at people around him, all looking back at him, and he just knew. ”This is a really, really bad idea.”

”I don't like it either, but it's the best option we've got right now. The only option, in fact,” Trev said. She was standing opposite Cullen in one of the lower halls of Skyhold, holding his sword, with Dorian, Dagna and a few select others beside her. They were all there to try to figure out what was plaguing Cullen, all sworn to secrecy and loyal to the Inquisitor. 

For all their efforts, they had not come up with any answers, just a few theories that were completely hypothetical since they didn't have any chance to test them. But they would start today, right now, with Dorian removing himself from Cullen for the first time in weeks, to see if the whispering, haunting presence returned. 

Cullen was terrified. Not for himself, but for what he would do if he wasn't able to control himself. Last time, whatever it was that had latched onto him had tried to make him hurt or even kill Trev. But this time they would be prepared, they told him. He was unarmed and surrounded by people who could protect Trev from him if need be. Except for one scholar and Dagna, the rest of them were powerful mages. Dorian would also be just one step away if they needed to stop quickly.

”Make yourself ready, Commander. This part of the keep has been cleared of people and there's a myriad of guards outside, just in case. I'll walk out of here slowly as soon as you give the word that you're ready.” Dorian looked serious for once. Trev walked up to Cullen and kissed him on the cheek. 

”I have faith in you. We will get to the bottom of this. Don't give in, you're stronger than whatever this is.”

Her words were meant to comfort him but he only felt worse. She gave him too much credit, he wasn't that strong. The memory of the pain from last time, when he'd tried to kill himself to avoid hurting her, was excruciating. It had felt like his mind was splitting apart, two equal parts pulling at him.

But he steeled himself. He was ready for all this to be over. He just wanted a normal life with Trev. Well, maybe a life as the Inquisitor's lover could never be normal, but he didn't want her to suffer anymore. He would take her somewhere when all this was over, somewhere where they could be together in peace, if only for a few days. Maybe to one of the newly restored villas in the Emerald Graves. She loved it there.

”Are you ready, Commander?” Dorian asked and Cullen's thought snapped back to reality. He nodded, even though he felt far from ready.

”Yes. No point in dragging this out any longer.”

Trev nodded her consent and Dorian started to walk out, one slow step at a time since they didn't really know how this worked. The mages started to work on some spells that Cullen couldn't know less about. Trev watched him intently, his sword strapped to her side, her hands ready on the hilts of her daggers. Dagna just stared, fascinated.

Cullen watched Dorian disappear out the door. He tried to listen, to see if he noticed a difference. He was relieved when he didn't.

”Dorian must be at least a few rooms away by now,” Trev said, careful hope coloring her expression. ”Maybe...”

Cullen was slammed against the floor, as if a giant hand was pushing him down. The breath was knocked out of him and he felt shocked – why did it hit him like this? He'd expected it to come back gradually, like it had before.

”Shit, shit, shit!” Trev's voice, alarmed, although he could barely hear her over the screaming in his ears. It was the same melodious voice as before but not whispering or singing now.

”It's so... loud!” he managed to sqeeze out between gasps for air. The pressure was unbeliavable.

”Dorian! Get back here! Dagna, go get him, now!” Trev's voice was commanding and desperate, but Cullen barely registered the others anymore. He was fighting for his life. He could feel the thing dig it's claws into him, not in a visable way like a demon would, but he could feel it press down on him with unseen arms. The voice pounding in his ears didn't make any sense, there were no words this time, just noise. 

He managed to look up when he heard a man yell from somewhere in the room. Dagna had returned with Dorian. 

_Why... why hasn't it stopped?_

The Tevinter was on his knees, blood trickling out of his nose. ”Something is wrong! I can't... it won't let me stop it this time, I can feel it fighting me with everything it's got. I don't know what it is, but... ughh...” Dorian stopped speaking as blood flowed freely from both his nose and his eyes now, clouding his vision and dripping into his mouth. 

Trev looked wild now, her eyes desperate as they flitted between Dorian and Cullen. She turned to the other mages. ”Do something! Can you feel what it is?” she yelled while motioning for Dagna to drag Dorian out of the room again. He was no use here now anyway, and she didn't need him in pain as well as Cullen.

The mages shook their heads frantically, still weaving their spells but apparently to no avail. ”I've never felt anything like it!” one of them said. ”I don't think we can stop it.”

Cullen screamed as the assault on him was redoubled. Any second now, he felt like his head would bust open. He was sprawled out on the floor, his hands pressed against his head. Trev rushed to him and kneeled before him, tears filling her eyes. He looked at her pleadingly. ”I-I'm sorry, I can't hold... hold it at bay. It's too... I can't...” He screamed again and Trev whimpered in despair.

”Maker, forgive me,” she whispered and then her hand shot out in front of her, right above Cullen and herself. The air crackled and sparkled green and then Cullen felt how he was falling before he blacked out.

When he came to, he was relieved to find that the voice had stopped screaming and trying to tear his head apart. It was still there, but a whisper yet again. He spotted Trev lying on the ground a few feet away and he crawled over to her, still weak from the assault. He shook her awake and her eyes widened when she opened them. She wasn't looking at him but past him, at the sky. Cullen noticed his surroundings for the first time. When he realized where she had brought them, his blood froze in his veins.

”Trev...” He turned to look at her as he helped her sit up. ”Are... are we in the Fade?”

She looked sad and nodded, confirming his worst fear. ”I'm sorry, Cullen. It was the only way.”


	32. Chapter 32

No sooner did the words - that confirmed that they were actually in the Fade – leave Trev's mouth before she scrambled backwards, away from Cullen. She had a panicked look in her eyes and Cullen could feel his pulse quicken as he worried over what caused her reaction.

"I see it!" she exclaimed.

"See what? Trev, what are you..."

"The spirit or whatever the fuck it is! It's all around you, can't you see it?" Her voice was high-pitched and he tilted his head down to search for any signs of it. He could see a faint, blue outline around his arms, barely. It might as well have been the strange light from the Fade for all he knew. "Not really, Trev... Are you sure?"

"Yes, for Andraste's sake! I see it as clear as day! It's clutching you to it!" She took a deep breath and seemed to regain some of her composure and her eyes hardened with resolve. "This is good. It's why I brought you here, to end this once and for all. Nothing worked back there, you know that. I had to do this."

Cullen didn't know if she was trying to convince him or herself. "I understand, it's okay. We just need to get rid of this thing and then – Maker willing – find a way back. You... do know how to get us back, right?" Her expression was impossible to read as she was entirely fixated on something behind him that he couldn't even see. "What... what does it look like?" he asked.

"It's difficult to say, it keeps shifting around, but I can see its claws in you. Does it whisper to you now?"

He nodded. "It's very faint though, compared to what it was back home. I think it's weaker here."

Trev looked relieved but her eyebrow raised as some thought seemed to occur to her. "That's weird, though, isn't it? It should be even stronger here, if this is where it came from. I wish Dorian were here, maybe he would remember what happened when he healed you... But no matter. It's..." She was interrupted by a terrible shreiking noise. She flinched and covered her ears and so did Cullen. It was a horrible, piercing sound, and for the first time he could hear it outside of his own head.

When it quieted, Cullen looked up at Trev again and she looked like bloody murder was on her mind, her face hard and her mouth pulled into a snarl. He flinched as he thought it was directed at him before he noticed that she was once again staring at something behind him that he couldn't see.

"I will not let you keep him. Fucking spirit or demon or whatever. I'm so tired of this shit. Cullen, I need you to help me." She tossed him his sword and the weight of it in his hand again felt good. But he was worried his control could still be beyond him.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" he asked her.

"Yes. You seem to be able to handle this here. And I need your help, I need to focus. I spent all my energy opening the rift to get here, my mark is pretty much useless unless I gather more fuel for it. I have to max it out completely if I'm to have any chance of tearing that thing away from you."

"So how do I help?"

A small smile played at her lips. "I need to kill stuff."

* * *

 

Cullen had doubted if something to kill even existed here. But after what felt like hours of hacking away at demons, spiders and Maker knows what else, he was proven quite wrong. They were running all over the place attracting attention to themselves to cover their blades in as much blood as possible.

Despite all the craziness that was going on around them, Cullen couldn't help but to admire how magnificent she was. She moved so fast with her blades that she was just a blur to his eyes. He'd never seen anyone kill things so quickly. Her outlandish blue-green eyes glowed with determination and her golden hair was like a shining beacon in the darkness, despite it being quite blood-spattered by now. He had to drag his attention away from her lest he let his guard down and accidentally let one of the creatures too close to him.

Finally, after they'd dispatched a group of particularly nasty rage demons, Trev slowed her movements and held her hand out in front of her as if to inspect it. She then closed her eyes and the air around her crackled as if thunder was in the air.

"This is enough, I'm ready now." She turned her eyes to Cullen and her expression softened. She walked up to him and took his hand. "I'm going to attempt to tear it off you. I can't promise it will go well, I... I hardly know what I'm doing here, but I'm desperate. I fear..." Her usual resolve seemed to falter a little as she cast her eyes down, not bearing to look him in the eye. "I fear if we don't resolve this now, we never will. And we can't return if we do not. We can't have you running around Skyhold trying to kill me all the time, can we?" She let out a small, humorless laugh and he felt his heart clench at her words, but he knew it was the truth. She reached up to him and caressed his cheek and he leaned into her, enjoying her touch like it was the last thing he'd ever feel.

Maybe it would be, at that.

"Isn't it dangerous, releasing that much energy while we're in the Fade itself? Who knows what it will do?" He had to ask, even though he wanted the tender moment between them to last forever.

"Honestly, Cullen, I don't care. I would tear down the heavens for you," she said, and he could see in her eyes that she meant it. He didn't know what was more frightening – that she put him before the well-being of the world or that he did the same with her. He realized in that moment that it was true. He would destroy everything if it meant saving her, Maker help him. He still loved his country, Thedas, the Inquisiton. But it was all second to her now.

She moved to kiss him but the spirit protested wildly by renewing it's assault on him. He fell to his knees as the breath was knocked out of him. He could feel its claws digging into his arms now and the shreiking was unbearable.

"Make it stop, please, Trev, just do it!" he yelled, worried that she might not hear him over the horrible sounds that thing was making.

But she nodded and her arm shot out. Everything crackled green and the shreiking intensified. It was all a blur of blue and green, those horrible noises and the most intense pain he'd ever felt. It was like someone had stabbed him with a thousand knives and slowly pulled them out of his torn flesh again. Suddenly, the shreiking quieted and all he could hear was the sound of his own screams.

* * *

 

When Cullen woke up, he was more than a little disoriented. Where was he? He tried to sit up and he scanned his surroundings. He was lying in a bed, a fireplace in front of it. He heard someone to his right squeal in delight.

"The Commander is awake! Fetch the Inquisitor immediately!"

He turned his head and met the eyes of some girl he didn't recognize who was apparently overjoyed to see him awake while someone he didn't see rushed out the door.

He felt confused. How...?

His thoughts were interrupted when several people barged into the room.

"Commander! It's about bloody time, shame on you for worrying the Inquisitor like that!" the man with the eccentric mage robes all but yelled at him.

"Oh, Maker, I'm so relieved!" The astoundingly beautiful woman who'd entered with the others threw her arms around his neck and showered his now very red cheeks with kisses.

He stilled her and pushed her away a little so that he could look at her. He searched her face for clues but shook his head. His heart fell a little when he saw her confused expression, but he didn't know why.

"Cullen?" she asked, her beautiful, melodious voice uncertain.

"I'm very sorry, miss, but I don't know who you are. Can someone please explain to me where I am?"

But he didn't get any explanations, only incredolous stares and finally – a pained whimpering noise from the woman before him.


	33. Chapter 33

"No, I've already told you this several times. What you're telling me isn't familiar." Cullen was tired and wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep. His head was spinning in confusion and he was fed up with answering the same questions over and over again.

After he'd told that woman...

_Maker, she was so beautiful..._

After he'd told her he didn't know who she was and asked where he was, they had all just stared at him. It made him feel very uncomfortable, the way they looked at him as though he'd just lost his mind. When no one answered him, he had tried to get up and out of bed but was stopped by a mage who rushed forward and made him lie down again. Apparently, the mage was some sort of healer and insisted that Cullen did as he was told. He had agreed, very reluctantly. He didn't exactly place much trust in mages. He noticed the other mage with the Tevinter styled robes had his arm around the woman at that point. He wished he could have seen her face again, it was drawing him in like a moth to a flame, but her back was already to him while the mage led her out of the room. Cullen hoped she wasn't ill or something like it.

Now, here he was, back in bed with two mage healers by his side, pestering him with questions he had no answers for. What was the last thing he remembered? Did he recognize the Inquisitor? The whole of the Inquisition even? Did he hurt somewhere? Could he hear something whisper to him? Did he recognize _anyone?_

They all sounded crazy to him, and the mysterious, hooded redhead who was hovering in the room near the door, clearly listening and assessing his answers, didn't help him feel any more sane.

One of the mages got up and walked over to the redhead and whispered something to her. She nodded, authority present in her every move, she didn't need to speak for Cullen to be able to tell.

The young mage-girl walked out the door. The redhead stayed where she was, still quiet, still watching him like a hawk. Her scrutiny made him shift and squirm where he was sitting in bed, it was so intense.

After a while, the girl returned with someone walking in behind her. Relief flooded him when he realized that it was someone he recognized, at last.

"Seeker Cassandra! Thank the Maker. Can you please tell me what's going on here?"

The Seeker walked up to him and sat down at the edge of the bed. Cullen was surprised at this. She seemed like such a hard and determined woman, not someone he would expect to sit down at his bedside and look at him with the softness she did now.

"Cullen."

The way she spoke his name with such familiarity caught him off guard. He'd never heard her call him anything besides Knight-Captain, or most recently - Commander.

"Please, Seeker. Tell me what's going on."

She looked at him, searching his face for something, he didn't know what. "What is the last thing you remember?" she asked, her tone muted and serious.

"You recruited me for the Inquisiton, of course."

"Do you remember the Inquisitor?"

Cullen almost laughed. "Heavens, no! I've barely even set foot outside of Kirkwall yet. You've just recruited me, Seeker." When Cassandra's expression turned sad, he was putting the pieces together. "I... I don't remember, do I? Something's happened to me and now I can't remember."

Cassandra nodded.

"How long?"

"Cullen..."

"Answer me, Cassandra." His voice was low, surprisingly steady despite the turmoil inside him.

"That time you speak of, when I first offered you the position as Commander of the Inquisiton's forces... Cullen, that was almost two years ago."

He blinked. One, three, ten times. "What?"

The mage healer hissed at the Seeker. "You were not supposed to tell him that! The shock alone might hinder him in regaining his memory."

Cassandra stood up and threw her arms out in front of her. "What was I supposed to do? He deserves to know, lying to him won't help!" She turned to face Cullen again. "You need to know, Commander, you and the Inquisitor..."

She was interrupted by the mage again. "Fade, keep quiet! No more revelations, no more shocks! Do you _want_ him to never recover? Maker! Little things, alright? You can tell him little things. One thing at a time, mind you. But right now he needs rest. You can speak more tomorrow."

Cullen's head was still reeling.

_Two years...?_

"Everybody out. He needs sleep." The mage ushered everyone out the door before closing it and walking back over to Cullen. He handed him a cup of steaming water. "Here, drink this, Commander. It will make you tired and able to rest. I know this must be a shock to you, but your mind needs to calm down and rest. It's the best way to recovery."

Cullen accepted the cup without saying anything and drank. He didn't feel like talking with this man would help anyway.

After a while, he drifted off, his thoughts still in turmoil.

He thought he had a dream later in the night, a dream about a whispered conversation.

"Please, if I can just tell him, or show him..."

"Absolutely not! He needs to remember for himself. I've seen cases like his before where the family has forced their memories on the patient by telling them. They always think it's going to magically solve everything. Well, I'm telling you now, it bloody well won't! Not only does it worsen the strain on the patient but it can send them into a very bad shock. I've even seen one young woman who became catatonic after she was told she had a husband and a baby, because no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't remember them. Can you even imagine what that must feel like?"

"But he loves me so much, and I him. I can't stand him looking at me like that, like I'm some stranger!"

The other voice softened. "I know this is hard for you as well, Inquisitor. And I'm not saying you're not allowed to see him. On the contrary, I think spending time with you is the best shot we have at him remembering again. But you mustn't push him. Tell him of the Inquisiton, by all means, but do not tell him of matters of the heart. The emotions would be too much for him to handle. You must act normal, for his sake."

The woman snorted. "Normal for him and me is to look at each other with longing, to sneak off to the battlements to kiss, to meet whenever we can to... Maker, why am I telling you this?" She sighed. "But I understand. I will act as though he is only my... friend."

"Good, Inquisitor, good."

Cullen almost woke up when he thought he heard the door to his room close, but in his drowsy half-asleep state, he just figured it was his imagination.

When morning came, he couldn't remember a thing about dreams of whispered conversations in the night. But he remembered the face of that woman who had thrown her arms around him yesterday when he'd first woken up. She was without a doubt the most beautiful creature he had ever seen, and the memory of her lips on his cheeks made his face flush even now. He would hardly even admit it to himself, but deep down, a part of him wished that maybe there was something between them, something that he'd forgotten now. But no, of course not. He was certain he would never have forgotten if a woman like that had cared for him, and she was far too beautiful for him anyway. She was probably just overcome with emotion to find him alive from whatever accident he'd been in when she'd hugged him. He supposed they were at least friends.

His thoughts were interrupted as the door to his bedroom swung open. In walked the mage healer, the redhead, Cassandra and _her._

She approached him carefully while the others stood back. "Commander Cullen. I'm sorry for my rash behaviour yesterday, I shouldn't have run up to you like that, you must have been confused from just waking up."

He was just about to protest that no, it was fine, he didn't take offense.

_You can run up to me any time you like, and place your lips on me anytime you want as well..._

His romantic notions were crushed when she spoke again.

"I'm Lily Trevelyan, but most people know me simply as the Inquisitor."

The Inquisitor. If he'd entertained the idea that they could have been lovers before, she well and truly put that notion out of his head now. There was no way he would get involved with a woman in such a high position, he was too professional for that. Or maybe it was just that she seemed too professional for that. He sighed inwardly when he looked at her, feeling a sense of loss that he couldn't put his finger on.

She held out her hand to him in greeting and he took it, thankful for this act of kindness when he knew that they must have met countless times before. He felt a like a jolt electricity passed through him when his fingers clasped around hers and he felt her soft, warm skin against his. He almost thought he heard her breath hitch a little and he wondered breifly if she had felt the same when she touched him. But when he looked up into her face, it was perfectly friendly and polite, nothing more.

_Keep dreaming, Rutherford._


	34. Chapter 34

With not much else to do with his time, Cullen spent his days exploring Skyhold. He wandered its halls and always found himself somewhere new, in some little store room he hadn't been in before or in a part of the battlements he hadn't come across earlier.

He was glad that his supposed home was so big. He couldn't imagine just sitting there without anything to do at all. The Inquisitor had explained to Cullen that Cassandra had taken over his duties for the time being, until he recovered. Apparently, the Seeker had been acting Commander even before the accident that claimed his memory happened, though no one told him what had occured before that. Nothing good, he gathered as much from the averted gazes that met him whenever he tried to ask someone about it.

They had told him about some things, though. Of the monster Corypheus, how they'd run the Inquisition and finally defeated him. Ancient darkspawn Tevinter magister. Cullen shook his head in disbelief when he first heard it. But any personal details were sparse. The healer had explained to him that it was best avoided so he could regain his memory on his own accord but it was so frustrating. He'd already lost count of the times that people were about to tell him something but then stopped themselves, an uncomfortable silence following.

He tried really hard to remember but it was like a huge, thick wall in his mind and everything behind that wall was pitch black. Nothing jogged his memory – not the people he met, or the places he wandered in Skyhold. It wasn't really that bad for him personally, he couldn't miss what he didn't know. The worst thing was the disappointment in the eyes of the people who accompanied him sometimes. Like when Cassandra had taken time out of her busy schedule to spar with him in the training yard, or when the Tevinter mage called Dorian played chess with him. He could see it in their eyes – how he crushed their hope that their actions would be familiar to him.

The only one who didn't look disappointed in him was the Inquisitor herself. Her face was the epitome of neutrality when they spoke. He supposed he had been friends with the others on a more personal level than he was with her, which was expected of course. She was Inquisitor and he Commander. There could be room for nothing more than the camaraderie of working with each other through a war.

Despite his rational thoughts on the matter, he couldn't help wondering what their relationship had been like. He must have felt something for her before, working so close to her. He had only known her for a few days now but his thoughts kept returning to her time and time again. He saw her face when he closed his eyes at night, that marvellous, breathtaking beauty impossible not to think about. Not to mention when he saw her around or when she actually talked to him. He tried not to stare at her, tried not to imagine what it must feel like to run his hands through her silky, blond hair. Tried so, so hard not to think about what her full, rosy lips would feel like againt his own.

He  _definitely_ must have felt this way before as well. But he couldn't read her like he could others. Either she was very talented at guarding her emotions or he was blinded by his attraction to her. He wanted to ask someone if they knew anything about how she had acted with him before the accident but decided against it. He didn't know how to ask without feeling like a complete idiot for implying that the Inquisitor might have cared for him. Besides, they had all told him to keep to himself for the most part. Most people didn't know that he'd lost his memory and for the sake of the Inquisition, it was better that it stayed that way.

One day when he was wandering about aimlessly, he saw the Inquisitor walking somewhere and before he knew what he was doing he followed her. His heart beat ridiculously hard in his chest as he watched her regal movements through the courtyard and on towards the stables. People moved out of the way for her and bowed their heads in respect as she passed and she returned all their mumbled "Inquisitor" and "Your Worship" with a dazzling smile and a nod of her own. Cullen felt like an idiot when he realized how much he would give for her to smile at him like that.

She slowed when she approached the stables and he saw her stop completely in front of a splendid war horse. It looked like it was her own, the way she stroked it and spoke to it softly.

He was just about to announce himself when he heard her sigh and speak more clearly, still to the horse.

"What are we going to do about the Commander, hm? This is all such a mess..."

Cullen felt his stomach drop. He must be a nuicance, of course he was. He was the Commander of the Inquisiton, and here he was, useless and damaged with nothing better to do than to walk around Skyhold each day, as far from productive as he could possibly be. He felt ashamed of himself. He turned to leave when he heard a surprised gasp from behind.

"Cullen! I didn't hear you enter."

Shit, she'd noticed him. He turned around to face her and was once again awestruck by her appearence. She wore her light armor with a green cloak slung over her shoulders. Her long braid tumbled down the side of her shoulder, as always when she was...

_As always?_

Cullen felt a shock go through him when he realized the implications. This was the first time anything had felt familiar to him.

He must have looked as shocked as he felt as the Inquisitor stepped closer to him, her face worried. "Are you alright, Commander?"

"Yes, better than alright actually. I mean, this might be nothing but... you always do your hair like that when you're in your armor, right? More practical for any fights that might be coming?"

He could see the light in her eyes flicker to life as he spoke.

"Yes! Do you remember?"

He shook his head. "Not really, it was more of a feeling, a stray thought. I just knew you always do your hair like that when you're in armor."

He almost yelped in surprise when she took his hand in hers and dragged him out of the stables.

"Where are we going, Inquisitor?"

"Don't worry, nowhere drastic. Come with me."

That was not a request she ever had to make. He would follow her anywhere. He couldn't explain why, he just knew he would.

She walked up the stone steps towards the battlements, her hand still in his. He swallowed hard as he became acutely aware of the physical contact. She felt so warm and alive against his skin. She kept walking up, turning back from time to time, flashing him that smile he'd desperately wanted before. His knees felt weak when she looked at him like that.

They stood in front of a door outside a tower up on the battlements when she stopped.

"Do you know what this is?" she asked, her face expectant.

"This is my office." He was afraid to let her down as well, just like the others, but then he felt her hand squeeze his reassuringly and she smiled at him again. "But I don't remember myself, Cassandra showed me."

She only nodded, not a trace of disapointment in her face. "I know. But have you looked upstairs yet?"

"Upstairs?"

She laughed softly. "Yes, in your bedroom."

She opened the door and closed it again behind them. The office was deserted.

"It's odd, you know," she said. He felt a little disappointed as she let go of his hand and started to wander around the room.

"What is?"

"This place is usually bustling with people. I'm used to coming in here, finding you standing over your desk, handing out orders to your people, signing reports, things like that. I don't think I've ever seen it so empty before." She ran her fingertips delicately over the surface of the desk. "Except maybe when..."

She got a look in her face that almost made him blush without knowing why. Like some distant memory caught her, her eyes sparkling and lips tugging up in the corners of her mouth. He couldn't stop staring at her or the way she ran her fingers over the desk. He didn't know what possessed him but he walked up to her slowly, her back turned to him as she was lost in her memory. He was so close to her now that he would touch her if he reached out just a little. He leaned in and felt her scent fill his nostrils. It was intoxicating.

He had to clear his throat before he asked her in a low, hoarse voice: "Except when?"

She gasped and twirled around, backing herself up against the desk with him mere inches away from her. He could see her losing that carefully guarded expression she always sported. He didn't move away, he saw her eyes burn when she looked at his face. He leaned in even closer to her and she didn't back away this time. His lips hovered so close to hers, he lost sight of everything else. All his nervous, rational thoughts went flying out the window as he noticed how she responded to him. She licked her lips and he could feel her breath against his skin, heavy and ragged now. He put his hands on either side of her at the desk and her eyes widened when his leg accidentally brushed against hers. Against all his better knowledge, he could swear he had the same effect on her that she had on him, however impossible it might seem to him. There was no denying it as he had her almost pinned against the desk, her lips parted, her breathing hitched and her eyes wide with lust.

Emboldened by her reactions, he moved one of his hands to cover hers and she gasped yet again as they touched. He intertwined their fingers and he ran them along the edge of the desk. Her eyes followed their movements, mesmerized, until he reached up with his other hand to caress her cheek. His fingertips felt like they were on fire where he touched the soft skin on her and her head snapped back to his face, her incredible, glowing eyes fixated on his. He tilted his head forward and he felt her whole form tremble when his lips brushed her ear.

"Please... tell me. What's so special about this desk?"


	35. Chapter 35

"Please... tell me. What's so special about this desk?"

The Inquisitor closed her eyes and swallowed hard, as if blocking Cullen out of her sight would help her resist him.

"I- I shouldn't, Cullen... I shouldn't tell you..."

He moved his hands to her hips and her eyes shot open at the contact. He could see the fire there still, and how she was fighting not to give in to the temptation of telling him exactly what she was thinking about.

"Please, what harm could it do? Please, Lily."

She flinched at his words and pushed herself off the desk and away from him. She took a few steps before she turned to look at him again with an expression of ill-concealed sadness.

"You never call me that."

Cullen felt a stab of disappointment. Had he really misread the situation so terribly? "I'm sorry, I just assumed from your reactions that we were at least on a first name basis, my Lady."

She smiled but it was still a sad smile. "We were, I mean we are. But you called me something else, something that almost only you called me. It's what I asked you to call me when you wouldn't stop with the 'my Lady'-nonsense." She smiled fondly at the memory before she continued. "I've never once heard you call me by my given first name."

Cullen decided right then and there what to do, determined not to let the moment be ruined. He walked over to her quickly and stood as close as he dared, not wanting to scare her away again.

"I'm sorry I don't remember. The truth is, maybe I never will. Or maybe I'll wake up one day and it has all come back to me. All I know is that I can't stop thinking about you. Not for a moment. I don't know what our relationship was like before but I can't imagine I didn't feel like this then. The sight of you takes my breath away completely, and when you talk I hear nothing else. When you look at me... Maker, help me."

She looked at him with eyes so adoring, he knew this was the right thing to do.

"So how about this, my Lady? We make new memories. There's no point living in the past anyway, is there?"

"I... You're right, of course. I'm sorry too, Cullen, it must have seemed like I only thought of what's been instead of living in the present, being here with... with you."

He grabbed her hand and held it between both of his own, savouring the heat from her skin as well as the relief when she didn't pull away. "So please, my Lady, what should I call you if not Lily?"

She smiled again and it was the most beautiful sight Cullen had ever laid his eyes on.

"You can call me Trev."

"Alright then, Trev." He tried the name out in his mouth and it felt good, familiar even. It felt _right_ . "Do you have time for a walk, maybe? We can get to know each other a little better, perhaps?"

She nodded eagerly. "I'd love that."

He smiled so wide she must have been able to see every tooth in his mouth but he didn't care. He just felt happy. He offered his arm to her which she took and began to walk towards one of the doors leading out to the battlements. When they passed the desk, he slowed down.

"Are you sure you don't want to tell me about the desk?"

She smiled, her eyes full of mischief. "I don't think so, Cullen." She leaned in close to his face and bit her lower lip. "Although I might show you, soon enough. The good doctor only warned me about talking and nothing else." She looked very pleased with herself and Cullen's eyebrows raised as he wondered what in Thedas she meant by that. Of course, he did have _some_ idea of what it might be, but surely it could be nothing as dirty as that.

Could it?

~~~

"And then, she went running off, _screaming_ as if someone had set her skirts on fire. I was quite proud of myself, I was only fourteen years old you know. It served her right, the old bat. Although Father was quite cross with me."

Cullen laughed as Trev finished the tale from her childhood. The sky was darkening already, night almost upon them. They had spent all day together, time had went by so quickly in her company. They had laughed and shared stories and memories from before the Inquisiton. Cullen had listened attentively to everything Trev had told him, fascinated by her personality. She was both regal and elegant as well as witty, fast and quite foul-mouthed when she felt like it. And he was utterly enchanted by her. The way she touched him without thinking about it wasn't exactly easy to ignore, either. A hand on his shoulder here, a brush of their legs there. Each time, he felt it as intensely as if she burned him but it was filled with pleasure instead of pain.

The last remnants of daylights finally disappeared and Trev shivered a little in the cool, crisp autumn air. Cullen immediately unfastened the clasp to his cloak and swept it around her shoulders.

She looked at him, suddenly quiet, and smiled that irresistable one-sided smile that made his heart beat a thousand times faster. She put her hand against his chest. "Thank you, that's very thoughtful. You know, I find myself wishing that this night would never end. But unfortunately, I have a full scheduele tomorrow... I wish I didn't have to go. I would rather spend every minute with you."

Her words did nothing at all to slow his heart rate and a jolt of pleasure went through him when he realized what she was actually saying. _She_ didn't want anything more than to be with _him_ . He almost shook his head in disbelief as he wondered what he'd ever done to deserve this godess-like woman's affections.

"I wish the same, believe me," he murmured and her smile widened as she heard him. "Maybe it's time for me to make some use of myself as well. I know I'm not properly up to speed with everything here yet so I understand that you can't just simply reinstate me as Commander yet. But what if I tail Cassandra for the next few weeks, or for as long of a period as you find acceptable? I can re-learn from her, and I _am_ still quite handy with a sword and training of soldiers, you know."

"I'm sure you are, Cullen. And of course, that's actually a great idea if you feel up to it."

"Perfect. And I get to see you more every day, my Lady Inquisitor."

She rolled her eyes at his overly formal use of her title but it seemed she caught the humorous gleam in his eye as she snorted and shook her head, unable to keep a smile from her face. He pulled her hand up to his mouth and kissed it gently while keeping eye contact with her the whole time. She let out a little noise of pleasure and it was all he could do not to just drag her to him and kiss her lips. She was so, _so_ tempting with her smile, her full, slightly parted lips, her glowing eyes, intense like the Maker knows what...

"Cullen? Did you hear me?"

"Huh?" She had said something but he'd been to busy staring at her mouth to notice. She just laughed softly and inclined her head towards the stairs. "Walk me to my quarters?"

"With pleasure." He offered his arm and she took it, pressing close to him while they walked. A little too close maybe as Cullen barely remembered how to put one foot in front of the other while he felt her body against his. Somehow, they managed to walk all the way to the throne room and past the guards. She opened the door and he followed her inside and stopped at the bottom of the stairs. When the door closed behind them, he could feel an immediate change of atmosphere between them. Suddenly, they were completely alone, no guards, no couriers or sentries milling about around them.

She spoke first. "I, uhm... this is me, I guess."

Cullen cleared his throat and cursed the butterflies whirling around in his stomach, making him nervous like a little chantry boy. "So it is. I..." He didn't have time to finish the sentence before she reached up and gave him a kiss on the cheek. His skin burned where her lips had met him, desire rising up in him faster than he'd ever thought possible.

 _Get a hold of yourself, it was only a peck on the cheek, as goodnight. I should go..._

But she didn't pull back. She hovered near him, her lips only an inch away from his face, and he didn't move either. He couldn't with her so close. Her breathing was heavy now, and she stared at him, her eyes dark. They roamed over his face, between his eyes to where she'd just kissed him, to his lips... Maker, she was really staring at them.

His breathing hitched as he realized he barely had to move to kiss her. The distance between their lips was closing rapidly and before he knew it, he pressed his agains hers. They were _just_ as soft as he'd imagined and he couldn't help a moan escaping him when she parted her lips and let him taste her.

She gripped his sides with her hands and crushed herself against him and his back met the door with a crash as the kiss intensified. She was battling with his tongue for dominance and his knees almost gave way when she moaned and he felt her body against his chest, against his groin. She felt so unbelievably good and he lost control over himself, desperate to touch her. His hand went to her ass and he squeezed it while his other hand snaked its way inside her jacket. She responded by moaning even louder, her sounds of pleasure making him so hard he was sure she could feel it through his pants. When he found her breast she hissed through her teeth and whispered: " _Fuck_ ," and it drove him insane to hear her like that. He just had to have her, here against the door, the floor, the stairs, it didn't fucking matter. He needed to be inside her...

There was a loud bang on the door. "Inquisitor? I heard something crash against your door, are you alright?"

Cullen groaned in disbelief and Trev uttered a series of curses that would have made him blush only a few years back. She had her forehead against his chest, trying to calm her breathing while he did the same.

"Fucking guards, always attentive when you don't fucking need them to be and never the other way around," she muttered, and Cullen couldn't help but to chuckle at her expression.

"I'm fine! Just dropped something," she yelled through the door before she turned her eyes to Cullen again who was still laughing. "Oh, you find it funny, do you? Shall I tell you what I would have let you do to me if we hadn't been interrupted?" Cullen stopped laughing and swallowed hard while she reached up to him and whispered a series of sentences in his ear, his eyes widening with every word. She reached out and opened the door behind him as she spoke the last words and playfully pushed him out into the throne room. "Oh well, another time, perhaps." She sported a wicked grin on her face and blew him a kiss before she turned and started walking up the stairs.

Cullen was left stunned outside and stared after her. "W-we can do that now, Trev! Hey!"

He heard her chuckle all the way up the stairs. A guard closed the door in front of Cullen and looked at him with an uncertain expression. "Did I, uhm... Interrupt something, Commander?"

Cullen snapped his attention to the guard who shrank back against the wall under his furious gaze. "You? You again? I know you, you were a courier before, correct? What in the Fade are you doing here, guarding doors?"

"I-I-I'm so sorry, Commander! You, uhmm... You demoted me a year ago. I-I, uhm... sort of interrupted you and the Inquisitor on the battlements."

"That was you? Well, you have a really bad fucking timing, you k... wait... I _remember_ you. I wanted to throw you off the side of the keep! You were _lucky_ I only demoted you!"

The guard looked like he was about to soil himself but then Cullen put his arms around him and lifted him off the ground in a bear hug, laughing and probably scaring the wits out of the poor man with his wierd behaviour.

"I could kiss you! Ha!" Cullen sat him down on the ground again and walked away, light on his step all the way back to his temporary sleeping quarters. He didn't remember everything but he remembered that man and his infuriating timing. And he remembered kissing Trev, intensely, almost fucking her right there, before that idiot interrupted. He knew it had been a long time since he'd last seen her before that moment.

This was serious progress.

He didn't see how bad the guard left outside Trev's door was shaking, or how one of the other guards came up to him. "What in the Maker's name did you do this time?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this story, Cullen and Trevelyan didn't have sex on the desk the first time but they did test out its sturdiness several times, although not depicted in the story (yet). Also, their first kiss wasn't on the battlements but they were interrupted there in the same manner as in the first kiss-scene from the game.


	36. Chapter 36

His first clear memory of anything from the last two years. Cullen was obsessed with it. Not because he finally had a breakthrough, but because of what the memory contained. She had come and found him that day on battlements, after weeks of being away on some mission he couldn't remember. He just remembered how she walked towards him, her step so quick she was almost running. And  _Maker_ , that look in her eyes. Like she wanted to devour him. She didn't say a word, she just kissed him with a hunger so intense it made Cullen groan just thinking about the memory of it. The way she had wanted him made something stir deep inside him, something dark but not in a bad way. For the first time in his life, it was lust so deep and pure that there was nothing for him to be ashamed of. She took all the bad out of it. He didn't know how she'd managed to put the fear of demons and sin and burning out of him, since he couldn't remember anything before that day. But she must have done it somehow because his memory contained none of that.

Only the searing hunger, the feel of her against him, her tongue licking inside of his mouth, how  _wet_ and  _hot_ , how  _incredible_ it felt. He was vaguely aware of how everyone near them made themselves scarce, leaving them to reunite without anyone interrupting them. Not that either of them cared right then.

He remembered – like it had just happened – how he pushed her against the stone of the battlement, craving the surface's solidity as it abled him to crush her against him even tighter. The sounds of pleasure she made, how she  _whimpered_ when his hand pushed against her cunt, made the last of his restraint fly over the side of the keep and down into the abyss. He kissed and bit and licked his way down her neck and ripped her shirt open. She arched her back in a feline move and gasped and moaned as his mouth found her breast, still rubbing his hand between her legs. Control lost to the wind, he couldn't wait a second longer, the need to thrust himself into her warm, wet,  _waiting_ slickness so overpowering, he didn't even consider where they were, in broad daylight. He didn't give a fuck if someone saw them or not, that was not important. The only thing that mattered was his hunger for her, which she very clearly met with equal fervor, judging by the way she'd reached into his pants and stroked his hardness, all too confined in the tightness of the fabric.

He turned her around, pinning her hands behind her back while he rubbed himself against her ass and licked and bit her ear while she was mumbling all the things that she wanted him to do to her, things he'd never heard someone say out loud before, dirty,  _filthy_  – amazing things. He wanted nothing more than to oblige her dirty mouth and was so ready to make it happen when that idiot courier had walked straight out on the walkway and up to them without even looking up once, his head so deep in the papers he was carrying.

Cullen shook his head as he thought of the end of the memory. It was all Trev could do to stop him from hurtling the bastard over the side, just like he'd told the man yesterday when the memory first appeared to him. He went running off and Cullen was left fuming, the adrenaline and the high he was still on from what he'd just been doing with Trev leaving his mood more agressive than usual.

Trev had only laughed that soft, melodious laugh of hers and kissed him until he calmed down somewhat. But then she remembered that she was late for a meeting and had to leave him there, but not before she made him promise not to hunt down the poor man and kill him. She  _did_ comfort him by asking him if he would feel any better if the courier was reassigned, to which he just grumbled. She laughed again and said she would take care of it, the man was obviously not cut out to be a scout anyway since his sense of discretion was clearly non-existent.

Now, that one memory was all that occupied Cullen's mind. He couldn't concentrate on anything but his ravenous desire to feel her like that again. He had started following Cassandra around in her daily work, like he'd told Trev. Frankly, it was boring for him. He felt like he already knew it all, and in a way he did. He just wasn't up to speed with numbers and certain recent events, plans that had been made and so on. So he didn't feel particularly guilty about his obsession with Trev.

She was in a hectic period of work right now, with lots of politics to manouver around. And Cassandra was swamped with things to do as well so he was kept busy. But he still saw her pretty much every day, just not in private. It was agony – seeing her and imagining all the things he would do to her if they were alone, but never getting the chance. He was going to burst soon, he could feel it. How he craved her touch, how his whole body tensed and shuddered when she looked at him from underneath her thick, dark lashes, the way she brushed his arm as she exited the room. It was getting ridiculous how every little thing she did set him off.

He considered taking care of himself some nights but always decided against it. That wasn't what he wanted. All he wanted,  _needed,_ was her. And if he didn't get what he wanted soon, somebody would get hurt. His mood was foul whenever she wasn't around, and he wanted to strangle everyone who took so much of her time. Leliana, Cassandra, all the pesky nobles most of all. If he heard one more fucking Orlesian shout "Inquisitor!" when he saw her headed for him, forcing her to stop and direct her attention to them, he would fucking stab them.

He realized this wasn't exactly a good thing but he couldn't help how he felt. He could only think of  _her_.

He'd spent an entire week in this state when it finally seemed like he would succeed in getting her alone for a few moments. He saw her cross the courtyard into a side door of the keep. He knew that route after his extensive exploration of Skyhold when he'd had nothing to do. It was a good short-cut but very dark and he didn't feel comfortable with her going through there alone, so he hurried after her, but it was also because he was unable to keep the dark thoughts filled with desire at bay. What they could do down there, alone in the dark...

She was some way ahead of him so she'd already had time to walk at least half the corridor by the time Cullen opened the door and slipped in.

He was surprised to hear voices ahead of him.

"You're too gorgeous to resist... I could give you everything, you would be the closest thing to a queen there is if you marry me."

_Who in the fade is that?_

"Lord Whitley, please get your hands off me. I appreciate you supporting the Inquisiton but I don't need to be a queen. I'm the Inquisitor. Now, please leave. Before you live to regret it."

Trev didn't sound shaken at all but the implications of her words made Cullen shake with fury. Someone was touching her without her permission?

He walked forward as fast as he could, unable to keep the rage out. If that man still had his hands on her when he got there, Maker help him.

Faint torch-light lit up the scene before him. Trev was backed up against the wall and a very tall man was standing far too close to her, one of his hands on the wall beside her head and the other moving up her hip, sliding against her waist in a way that made Cullen sick.

"This is your last warning, Whitley," she hissed. "Take your hands off me or I'll do it for you."

The man's hand slid up to cover her breast and Cullen felt it consume him. The  _rage._  He'd never felt anything like it before.

Or had he? This feeling was somehow very familiar, beyond just seeing a man laying his hand on a woman against her wishes.

 _No one_  would touch Trev against her will ever again.

_Again?_

Cullen was in a state of rage as well as confusion, that was the only thing holding him back. He watched as if from far away as Trev slapped Whitley's hand away.

"You bitch," the man hissed and raised his hand as if to strike her. "I'll make you beg."

Cullen's blood seethed. He stepped forward and grabbed the man from behind at his neck. The surprised yelp from the man did nothing but disgust Cullen. He threw him face first against the wall before dragging him back to him. His fist flew into the other man's face, again and again and again. He fell to the ground and Cullen followed. He straddled him and kept on hitting, gritting his teeth and snarling, ignoring his own split, bleeding knuckles. After seconds or minutes, he couldn't tell, there was nothing left of the man's face but a bloody pulp.

Cullen was breathing heavily, chest rising up and down rapidly, until a gentle hand on his shoulder snapped him out of it.

"Cullen... Are you alright?" Trev's voice was concerned but steady.

She was asking if  _he_ was alright? He looked at her and saw no anger in her face, which surprised him now that he realized what he'd done. He'd killed a noble, probably someone important since Trev didn't immediately kill him herself when he touched her. What a mess.

She took his hand and pulled him to his feet. She didn't even look at the corpse at their feet. She just gazed into his eyes.

"Why did you do that?"

Cullen answered without hesitation. "He was touching you without your permission. I... I don't know why, but I will  _never_ let someone do that to you again."

Her eyes widened a fraction but Cullen saw it. It was hope.

Suddenly, she was kissing him, not giving a fuck that his face was spattered with blood from the dead noble lying on the ground.


	37. Chapter 37

The kiss was over far too quickly. Cullen wanted to stay like that with Trev in his arms, kissing her fiercly, forever. But there was a dead body at their feet and although the passageway they were in wasn't used often, someone could still walk in at any moment. That would look bad indeed.

He helped her move the body to the side. He felt the dizziness from kissing her lifting slightly and instead he was overcome by confusion and guilt. He'd reacted on pure instinct when he saw that man put his hands on Trev. He was usually so calm and controlled but when it came to her, all his sanity was apparently thrown out the window.

"I'm sorry for causing so much trouble for you... I didn't think straight, I couldn't," he said, his voice low while he tried to keep his emotions under control.

Trev let go of the dead man's arm, apparently satisfied with his position. She stood up and stretched out her arms and her back as casually as if she'd just been out for a run, not moving a dead body.

"Don't worry about it. If you wouldn't have done it, I would have. He crossed the line and he paid for it, simple as that."

Cullen had a hard time believing she was taking it so easily, but then again, he didn't actually know her that well. He only remembered that day on the battlements, the rest he tried to piece together from the short time he'd known her since he woke up from whatever accident he'd been in. She radiated power and grace, but she also had a sometimes shocking tongue and the sharpest wit he'd ever seen. The hardest thing for him to get a grip on was they way she could be the most compassionate woman in the world one moment, and in the next she was ruthless and cruel. Never needlessly so, always only against her enemies as far as he knew, but still. It was the rarest of combinations.

He could certainly understand the respect and awe she recieved from everyone around her, including himself. She was fascinating.

"Are you done staring or do you wish to take me right here over the corpse on the ground? It would be terribly inappropriate, and twisted to say the least, but I'm not sure I have the strenght to deny you if you keep looking at me with those eyes, Commander..."

Startled, Cullen's eyes turned away from her gaze, until her words sunk in and he stared at her again, his eyes even wider this time. A smirk crept into her face.

"Relax, I'm only joking. This setting is not particularly sexy. You wait here and I'll go get some help. Is that alright?"

He only managed to nod before she kissed his cheek and disappeared further into the dark corridor.

_Maker's breath, that woman is going to be the death of me._

And he would probably savor every second of it.

* * *

"Inquisitor, I need a moment of your time."

Days had passed since the incident that left a noble dead in Skyhold. Leliana had worked her magic and swept the whole thing under the rug, the Whitley family thinking their son and brother had died choking on a piece of food. The gossip usually surrounding such an incident was strangely absent, something Cullen again credited to Leliana.

But now, he needed to speak to Trev, alone. He was slowly driving himself crazy. The incident had stirred up strange emotions in him, and he felt like he was on the verge of remembering something. It was like it was just at the tip of his tongue but as soon as he tried to strain his memory, it was lost to him. He needed to  _be_ with her, that was the only thing this far that had worked. But she was a busy woman, he knew that. He'd tried so hard on his own, but to no avail. He couldn't wait any longer now.

He was standing to the side of the throne where she was sitting, having just finished up the judgements of the day. He'd uttered his request to her as discreetly as he could, but several people around looked at him as he spoke. He found it unnerving that he didn't even know who these people were.

But the Inquisitor didn't hesitate for a moment and rose from the throne. The guards around her moved with her and everyone in her vicinity bowed their heads in respect. Cullen was again struck by how they all treated her like she was a queen. More than a queen even, the Herald of Andraste was worth more than any royal. To him, she was worth more than even Andraste herself, Maker strike him down for such blasphemy, but it was the truth. He didn't know why, but he  _knew._

She inclined her head towards her quarters, her expression impossible to read. As they reached the door, she turned around to her guards and gave them instructions that couldn't possibly be misunderstood.

"Anyone disturbing us without a very, very,  _very_ good reason will have their privates fed to the dogs. Understand?" Her voice was as pleasant and pretty as if she'd asked for a pastry from the kitchen but the men got her message loud and clear as they all answered: "Yes, Inquisitor!"

The captain opened the door for her. "We'll stop anyone who tries to get through, Your Worship. You can relax, trust us." He smiled and Cullen didn't like it one bit when she smiled back.

_Stop it you idiot, he's her guard-captain, not a leering fucking noble._

They stepped inside and began walking up the stairs while the door closed behind them. She was right in front of him and he had a very hard time focusing on the steps instead of the way her backside looked in those sinfully tight leather leggings. She didn't say a word until they reached her bedroom. She stopped in the middle of the room and turned around. The hunger he saw in her eyes stopped him dead in his tracks and he could only stare as she began to unbutton her shirt, painfully slow, button by button. He licked his lower lip as more and more of her creamy skin was revealed to his feasting eyes. Heat pooled deep down in his stomach and he watched, breathless, as she stepped closer to him until he could feel her breath on his skin.

"Was there something you wanted to discuss, Cullen?" He almost groaned as his name fell over her lips and he could see how it brought her physical pleasure to say it. "Or did you want me to just..." She turned around quickly and pressed her back to him, grinding herself against the hard lenght of him as she continued: "...keep you company?" She looked back at him over her shoulder, her glowing eyes fixed on his, lust filling every feature on her beautiful face.

"Maker..." he mumbled and he buried his face in her neck while snaking his arms around her, one hand on her stomach and one on her breast, delighting in hearing her moan underneath his touch. He pressed her even tighter against him, her ass pressing against his aching, hard cock. He almost chuckled as he felt her desperately grind against him, empowered by the fact that she seemed to want him as much as he wanted her.

"What would you do if I told you I only wish to discuss something with you?" he whispered in her ear before he licked it, eliciting a low moan from her again. But she quickly found herself and laughed softly. She turned around in his arms and his pulse was racing as her hand glided over his chest and down over his stomach, stopping right above the lining of his breeches. He wanted nothing more than for her to touch him, take him in her hand, mouth, cunt.

"Oh, we can discuss if you wish, Commander. We can discuss..." she kissed his neck now and it felt so  _fucking_ good, "... how I want you to fuck me..." more kisses, her warm, wet tongue circling his skin, "... how I want to get down on my knees and let you fuck my throat while I lap at you like a whore..."  _Maker,_  "... how I want to feel your fingers inside my wet cunt, and one in my ass too..."

He ripped her shirt open with a growl, sending the remaining closed buttons flying all over the room, and she gasped in delight as his hands gripped her arms hard as he stared down at her naked upper body. She returned the favor and clawed his jacket off and pulled his shirt over his head and trailed warm, openmouthed kisses down his chest. She got down on her knees and rubbed her hand against his cock through his breeches, making him hiss between his teeth.

"Would you like to play with me, Commander? Do you want to..." She expertly unlaced his lining and finally pulled his cock free from the confining fabric. He threw his head back and moaned loudly as her hand wrapped around him. "...play with all my wet openings?" She licked the top of his cock and he couldn't believe how good she felt on him. He knew he wouldn't last two minutes of her mouth around his cock, so he grabbed her hand and pulled her up to her feet and kissed her. She moaned into his mouth and it made him crazy. They stumbled towards the bed, tongues licking each other, her hand still on his cock and his squeezing her ass. They hit the wall beside the bed and he pushed her against it and slipped his hand down between her legs, revelling in how she moaned and bucked against him. He couldn't get her leggings off fast enough. He turned them both around to get them off properly and his eyes flitted across the room in the process.

Suddenly, he froze. Trev, still breathless, looked up at his face and her brow furrowed with worry but he didn't notice. All he could think about was that little piece of information that had just popped up in his brain. He stumbled backwards until he hit the wall.

"Maker, Cullen, what's wrong?" Trev sounded truly worried now and approached him slowly, cautiously.

Cullen put his hand out in front of him in a stopping gesture. She looked hurt but he didn't much care right now.

_What is going on?!_

"You... you're married. And not to me. You left me and... married a Marcher. I remember now. You're married to... Turner Dreallor." As the words left his mouth and he heard them out loud, he felt even more sick. He wanted her to say no, to tell him how wrong he was, that she would never marry anyone but him. The bile rose in his throat when she didn't say anything.


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The better part of this chapter is filled with shameless sexual content... 'Cause I just couldn't keep poor Trev and Cullen waiting any longer!

He was surprised when Trev smiled widely at him. Not what he'd expected when he told her he remembered she was a married woman.

A crushing suspicion crept up on him.

"Is... this some kind of game to you? I can't remember anything and you're just playing with me now, making me want you even though you're not mine to have?"

Her smile fell and she suddenly looked angry. "Of course not, Cullen! Ugh, I wish I could just tell you what's happened but the healers have forbidden me, you know this! You only remember half of it, it's not what you think."

"So it's not true? You're not married?"

"I was, you remember correctly, I'm afraid. But I'm not married any longer."

Cullen thought he should feel relieved by this but all he felt was a frustration so intense he was shaking by now.

"Just tell me what happened! It can't be any worse than this blasted confusion, I feel like my brain is overheating!" With an agitated roar he grabbed the bedside table and flipped it over, sending it and its contents flying across the floor. He sank down onto the side of the bed and put his head in his hands, trying his best to calm down.

He heard her approach him slowly, her footsteps light but intentionally noisy so she wouldn't startle him. She sat down beside him and he was thankful that she didn't touch him. He was too upset to trust himself not to push her away had she tried.

"It kills me that I can't tell you, Cullen. But I'm happy that you're starting to remember things. That's why I smiled when you told me, I'm sorry, it was foolish of me. I swear I'm not playing any games with you, Maker... I only want what's best for you, and not telling you about your past seems to be working, you're remembering things on your own. Is there anything else you remember?"

He nodded, hands still covering his face. He couldn't bear to look at her. "I remember flashes of you. Small things, like what clothes you used to wear, or how you like to do your hair, I told you that. And I know something bad must have happened to you, I..." He looked up, not able to stop himself from watching her face for reactions when he spoke. "I just knew it when Whitley put his hands on you, that something like that had happened before and that I would never let it happen again. Was I right?"

She nodded, her expression guarded. "Do you remember anything else?" she asked.

"Yes, I have one clear memory that has returned to me. After the guard at your door interrupted us a few weeks ago, I remembered."

Trev's eyes widened. "That's wonderful, Cullen! Why didn't you tell me?"

"I, uhm..." He could feel the heat rising on his cheeks. "I wasn't really sure at first, if it was a memory or just a dream, a really good dream." He smiled a little now, the memory flooding his thoughts, pushing out the bad.

"Oh? But you're sure now?" Trev's eyebrows were raised and she was clearly curious.

"I think so, yes. It was... intense, to say the least. Maybe you can tell me if it's true?"

"Of course, tell me all about it."

And he did, recounting the events of their meeting on the battlements when he'd almost fucked her against the stone wall before they were interrupted by the man with the worst timing in Thedas.

"Oh, I can certainly tell you that it was no dream. I remember it as clear as day as well. Maker, how I wanted you, you were so sexy... You still are."

Relief flooded Cullen and he found himself wanting to taste her lips, the lips that now held a wicked grin. She was still practically naked and only inches away from him. He pulled her to him, shifting his legs and pulling her into his lap so that she straddled him. She didn't waste any time and kissed him, her mouth hot and her tongue wet against him.

_She tastes so good..._

She moved against him and he groaned into her mouth as he felt her brush against him between his legs. She was spurred on by his reaction and their kissing intensified as it became harder, faster, their lips and tongues desperate to conquer each other.

Cullen gasped for air as he reluctantly pulled away from her. She started to kiss his cheek, lips pressing against the stubble and working their way down to his jaw. He shuddered with pleasure as she continued down his neck, her feather-light touch making every hair on his body stand up.

"Trev..." he murmured. "What about Turner?"

She stiffened a little and pulled herself up to face Cullen.

"Don't worry about him, he..." She sighed. "Oh, void take it. I'll tell you this, it's not specific and it'll do you more good than harm to hear it. Turner Dreallor was a fucking bastard and he's dead. That's all you need to know. Now shut up and kiss me."

Cullen was a little shocked but immensly relieved. There was no other man waiting for her, she was his. Only his. He could worry about the details later, right now _his_ woman was sitting in his lap and he would obey her command. He stood up and pushed her back onto the bed. Her blond hair spread out around her, shining at him when the sun from the window hit her. He helped her wriggle out of her leggings and then she was finally naked before him. The rays of sunlight made her look like she was glowing from the inside. It was the most amazing sight he'd ever laid his eyes on.

She smiled at him and beckoned him closer with her hand. "Didn't I tell you to kiss me? You're free to choose where."

Maker, she made his insides melt with her words. He reached out and took her foot in his hand and kissed it lightly. He continued onto her leg, kneeling on the bed over her. He was painfully hard and could barely keep himself from grabbing her waist and just fuck her right away, but the sounds she was making when he kissed her legs further up her thighs made him pace himself. He wanted to enjoy this for as long as he could. When he arrived at her center, he could see that she was already glistening with wetness. He couldn't resist her and he dragged his tongue slowly over her folds. She gave him a loud, drawn-out moan as a reward, and he lapped at her again and again, his head dizzy as her taste filled his mouth and her scent his nostrils.

"You are exquisite," he murmured against her before he once again occupied his tongue with her dripping cunt.

"Fuck, Cullen! It feels so good... Please, I want to feel you inside me. I want you to fill me up and fuck me..."

She bucked against his mouth and he buried his face in her cunt again, revelling in the feel of her wetness coating his face.

"How do you want me to fuck you, Trev? Tell me first and then I'll do it." He pushed a finger inside her and his tongue circled her clit, making her scream out her pleasure. Hearing her only spurred him on and he let another finger slip in, increasing the preassure. "Tell me or I'll stop."

"No! Don't stop... I want you to fuck me hard, so fucking hard, Cullen. _Ohh,_ that feels so good... I want... Ohh... I want you to fill me up with your thick, hard cock and take me so hard you'll break the fucking bed."

Cullen kissed his way up over her chest and up to her mouth, letting her taste herself. She seemed to enjoy it judging the way she licked inside his mouth and how she buried her nails in his back, making him hiss with pleasurable pain.

He teased her opening with the tip of his cock and coated himself in her juices before he leaned down and whispered in her ear: "How bad do you want it?"

"So fucking bad, _please_ Cull... Ahh!"

Her pleading had shattered his self-control and he thrust himself into her.

"Fuck," he yelled, completely unprepared for how incredible she felt. Nothing in his memory or his dreams did this justice. She was so _tight_ and warm around him and his eyes rolled back into his head with each thrust. She moved against him, rolling her hips, making him reach even further into her. She kept moaning and saying his name and her nails raked against his skin.

He _loved_ it.

"You like this, hm? You like feeling my cock filling you up, stretching your dripping cunt to accomodate me?" He didn't know where this was coming from but the words were out of his mouth before he could stop them.

Her eyes grew as wide as someone who'd just binged down a bottle of lyrium, unfocused but clearly affected.

"Maker, yes! You're so big you almost don't fit, you feel so fucking good. _Maker,_ yes Cullen, right there! Fuck me harder!"

He growled and gripped her hip firmly with one hand and the headboard of the bed with the other and he slammed into her, over and over while she screamed and moaned. The bed shook underneath them.

"Touch yourself," he commanded, gritting his teeth as he forced the words out, the immense pleasure making it very difficult to speak.

"Anything you ask, Commander," she replied breathlessly and pushed her fingers against her clit.

Seeing her under him like this, this godess rubbing herself while he fucked her senseless, obeying his every command, was almost too much for him to handle.

_This must be a dream..._

Trev grabbed his hand and guided it down to cup her ass, making him grip it hard and holding her up against him even firmer. He savoured feeling the curve of her ass in his hand and he was gripped with an intense desire to see it bounce against him. He withdrew from her to her whimpering protests.

"Turn around, love. I want you on all four."

Her eyes darkened and she smiled, seemingly very happy with his idea. She turned around and got on her hands and knees and arched her back, pushing her ass up to meet him. Cullen felt dizzy at the sight.

_Maybe I've died and gone to the heavens. That must be it..._

He took his cock in his hand and stroked it a few times before he plunged it into her waiting pussy again, gripping her hips so hard it would probably leave marks, but she went wild underneath him so apparently she liked it.

"Oh, yes, Cullen, harder! Fuck me like beast, take me! Yesss!"

"Fuck, Trev, you're so tight! Maker, Trev... ahh..." He slammed into her and it was even tighter than before. He wouldn't last like this but it didn't matter, he was too lost in her to care right now. Her wet walls squeezed his hard cock so delicously and he was even more turned on by the obscene sounds their contact was making. This was so raw and dirty and so fucking _right._

"Andraste, Trev... I'm going to come..."

"I want it in my mouth, Cullen, please let me taste it!"

Before he could even wrap his head around her incredible request she'd shifted around and taken his cock in her mouth. She was moaning against it while she sucked and licked it and it was way too much for him to handle.

"Argh, I can't..."

His seed spilled into her mouth in long, hot spurts and he groaned so loudly he was sure half of Skyhold could hear him, but he didn't care when he saw the satisfied look on his godess' face as she licked up every single drop of him and swallowed. He fell down onto the bed on his back and pulled her up to him, her face nuzzling in his neck with his arm around her as he panted, trying to calm his breathing.

"You really are a beast in bed, _Commander_... Maker, It's been far too long. I've missed you so much, my love. Did... did you like it? I wasn't too crude or anything?"

Cullen stared down into her face. "Are you mad, woman? That was the single most incredible experience of my life."

She smiled. "How do you know? Maybe we've done things like this every day in the time you can't remember," she teased.

Cullen chuckled. "Well, then I should be thanking the Maker for blessing me with such indescribable pleasure, and I'm suddenly looking forward to remembering everything even more now."

Trev's expression softened even more. "You're going to get there, love. I promise, it'll come back to you, everything – us, our life together. We just have to be patient."

Cullen pulled her even closer and kissed her forehead. "I know. But right now, I'm not in a hurry for anything."

Despite his words, Cullen was weary of relaxing. He had a nagging feeling that something always went wrong as soon as he did. But maybe this time it would be fine.

_Please Maker, just this once?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So guys, this story is nearing its end. Do you think the ending will be happy or full of heartbreak? I haven't quite decided yet ;)
> 
> I'd love to hear any thoughts or comments you have on the story, either up until what's happened or how you wish it to end.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second to last chapter, guys! Hope you like!

He was going to ask her to marry him.

_Lily Trevelyan Rutherford. Inquisitor Trevelyan Rutherford._

It had a nice ring to it. More than nice maybe, considering the shivers that went through him when he thought about it. How they would announce her at events and meetings. Maybe she would start calling herself Trev Rutherford since she preferred to be called Trev anyway. It sounded so  _right._

No more memories had come back to him since his night with Trev, but it didn't matter anymore. He knew he loved her with all his heart and more - he just needed to show her. He didn't remember their life together, but she did and he knew it must hurt for her to know he had forgotten. But he would prove to her that it didn't matter, that he loved her all the same.

He had it all planned out. He would take her to the Emerald Graves, a place Dorian had told him that she loved. He would make it simple, just the two of them in one of the villas that now belonged to the Inquisition. A nice dinner in front of the fireplace and then he would get down on his knee and present her with the ring he'd procured from a jeweler in Val Royeaux, with Leliana's help. And he would ask if she would do him the honor of becoming his wife.

He had it all planned out. But Maker take him, he was nervous. What if she didn't say yes? What if she didn't want him unless his memories returned? But he knew that there was a strong possibility that they never would. And he knew she loved him and that she would most likely be thrilled and say yes. But one could never be sure and his nerves were a mess, despite his attempts at calming himself with logic.

A chilly afternoon in the garden just before the first snow was expected to fall, Cullen had just finished speaking to one of Leliana's people who was going to help him see to it that the villa in the Emeralds was ready for their arrival, when Trev walked up behind him and put her arms around him.

"What were you two whispering about, hmm?" She kissed the curve of his neck and he shuddered with pleasure. He turned around and kissed her properly, the heat filling his body pushing the chill of the air away.

"Finished for today, my love?" he asked her and pulled her with him up the small steps to the shadow of the corner of the wall.

"Yes, I'm all yours now." She smiled and he almost told himself that what he had to say could wait a little longer, until after he'd kissed her senseless. But he silently berated himself at the thought.

_No more excuses._

"I want you to go with me tomorrow."

She looked at him quizzically. "Oh? I wasn't aware that you were going somewhere."

"Yes, ehm... maybe I should have explained that first." He suddenly found it even more difficult to speak as he felt her hands caress him from his sides down to his legs before she ghosted her touch against his inner thigh. His breath caught in his throat even more when he noticed the way her eyes were fixed on his lips. She looked... hungry.

"Yes, you were saying, Cullen?" She was still staring.

"I... I have some business in the Emerald Graves I would like to take care of. Nothing serious, just something I want to take a look at. I think it will be helpful towards my... ugh..." She was venturing dangerously close to his growing erection and he hurried his last words along before he lost his ability to speak altogether. "...my return as Commander. I won't bore you with the details. But I thought maybe you'd like to come with me? You're always complaining about how you're too cooped up here, how you miss the adventures of the road. I'm sure our people can handle a few days without you here."

She started to kiss his neck again, her hands still running slowly up and down his thighs. "Yes, that sounds like a great idea... Does it involve giants?"

"What? No, I didn't plan on it involving giants, no," he said, having a very difficult time to concentrate on her strange question instead of her hands and lips.

"You know, Cullen... if I unlace your breeches right here in the garden, these plants and bushes would actually get to see a giant."

She smirked at him and he chuckled at her ridiculous joke but was cut short when her hand expertly found its way into his pants. She used the hand with the mark on it as it was always warm and he groaned as she slipped her fingers around his cock and pulled him free. He silently thanked the Maker that the garden was pretty much deserted now that the cold was setting in.

"I've released the giant!" She laughed and pushed herself against him, her hand still wrapped around him. She leaned up and placed her lips against his ear, still grinning. "I do hope he's not come out to kill me, but to fuck me."

Cullen couldn't help a wide smile spreading in his face. "Oh, I can assure you it's the latter, my dear. But you're sure you'll come with me tomorrow?"

She nodded. "Yes, yes, of course, I'm looking forward to it and all that. But please, stop with the questions now. You're distracting the giant. He knows what's important."

Cullen chuckled again. She was being silly, and he loved her even more for it. "He does. But you know, I heard that giants fuck you until you can't stand afterwards, are you really ready for that?"

She licked her lips and looked up at him from underneath her thick, black lashes. "I've been wet and ready since I first laid eyes on you."

With a growl, he pulled her to him and crushed his lips to hers.

* * *

 

The next day, he rode out of Skyhold's gates with Trev by his side. He was nervous but also really looking forward to having her all to himself, both on the journey to the Emeralds and in the villa. He checked his pocket for the hundredth time to make sure the ring was still there, and it was this time too. They rode out at a good but calm pace, with no particular hurry. It was so nice, being able to talk and laugh with her like this, completely undisturbed. He wished that the day when the Inquisition was no longer needed would come sooner rather than later. He wanted her all to himself, settled down somewhere with a little peace and quiet. Maker knows none of them had ever had that for long in their lives.

They'd been on the road for less than half an hour when Trev squinted her eyes at something in the distance.

"Cullen, do you see that? Is there someone on the path down there?"

He looked in the direction she was pointing at and thought he could indeed make out the outline of a figure. They rode on in silent caution, and as they got closer he could see that there were three people standing still in the middle of the slope. Snow started to fall around them softly, and it was obvious by now that whoever those people were, they were waiting for Trev and Cullen. He silently cursed himself for not bringing guards with them. He'd been too selfish, wanting her all to himself.

But it was no use regretting that now. They were so close now that Cullen could see a woman flanked by two men, mages by the look of them.

_This is not good._

He heard Trev gasp and his head snapped around to look at her.

"What's wrong, Trev? Do you know these people?" He kept his voice low so that only she would hear him.

"Yes. That's Alanna Dreallor," she murmured back.

Cullen blinked. "Dreallor... Is she related to Turner?"

"She's his sister."

_Oh, this is really bad._

"His family was supposed to be taken care of... Traitors, all of them convicted of aiding Turner in what he did to me and the Inquisiton. I don't know why in the fade I wasn't informed that she's not dead or imprisoned."

Cullen shook his head, a bit confused. He still didn't know much about what had happened with Trev's former husband, only that he was dead and that he'd done something very bad. But he couldn't focus on that now. He understood well enough that his sister waiting for them outside of Skyhold with two nasty-looking mages was not a good thing either way.

They finally came to a halt before them and Cullen looked at this Alanna Dreallor. She was plain, with no interesting features. A face you would forget were it not for her eyes. They glowed red.

Trev dismounted and Cullen did the same, his hand ready on the hilt of his sword.

"Alanna. I didn't expect to see you here. What do you want?" Trev's voice was steady, full of her usual assertiveness and authority. But that didn't seem to intimidate Turner's sister.

"What I  _want_ ," she sneered, "is my brother back. You took him from me."

Trev blinked a few times.

"I took him from you? He came willingly to me, and what happened after was no one's fault but his own. But if you see it like that, I suppose you could say I took your whole family from you, yes? I hear your father was executed back home, and that horrible older sister of yours is off rotting in a dungeon somewhere, correct?"

Cullen drew in a sharp breath. What the fuck was she pulling, provoking her like that? He was sure Alanna deserved Trev's harsh words and more, but he couldn't think of a single smart reason for her to say them here and now. Those red eyes worried him.

But Trev just shook her head in his direction, almost imperceptibly, but he caught it and kept his mouth closed.

To his surprise, Alanna just snorted at Trev's words. "Like I care about my imbecile father or that fat old cow. Turner was the only one I cared about. He loved me. I don't know what you said when you contacted him and made him go to you, but this is all your fault. He was  _mine._ "

Trev just looked at her for a few moments with an expression impossible to read.

"Funny. If I'm the one who lured him here, why did he think it nessecary to hold my sister hostage to get me to marry him?"

A flood of understanding washed over Cullen.

_That's why she suddenly left me and married that shit._

"Besides," she continued, "funny how he never once mentioned you to me. If it was one thing Turner loved, it was blabbering endlessly. Maker, my ears bled after every day I had to spend listening to that stupid fuck. But he never said a word about you, Alanna. Especially not when he came to my bed."

Cullen felt sick. If it was all against Trev's will, he must have raped her, over and over. But she didn't flinch as she said it, and the reason for not calling it rape was clear even to Cullen. She was provoking Alanna, who was clearly in love with her brother.

_The freakshow never ends, Maker..._

"You whore! You lured him in with your sorcery and your trickery! You think you can get whatever you like just because you're beautiful! Everyone says that you're a saviour, the chosen one. But I see through you! You lured my brother into your lair and then you killed him! Not even when I took your precious Commander away from you did it stop you, no, you used your witchpowers to bring him back! You're an abomination and I'm the only one who can see it!" She was screaming by now.

Trev's eyes suddenly darkened and Cullen saw her whole posture change. She was getting ready to charge, he could see it. "You were the one who ordered the attack on Cullen?" Her voice was dangerously low.

"And it was successful, too! I know he died but you brought him back to life, witch! It's unfair! Why is he alive and not my brother?"

Cullen's mind reeled from all this new information but that would have to wait. Alanna's eyes were glowing stronger by the minute.

"You sick, little bitch." Trev was clearly trying to rile her up."You wanted to fuck your own brother and you couldn't stand the fact that he didn't want you. You're fucking delusional. If he would have wanted you, why didn't he take you, like he took everything else he wanted? He never once touched you, did he? I bet you disgusted him, and..."

"Shut up! Shut up!"

It was definitely working. Alanna was shaking with rage and the mages beside her, who had been impassive until now, started chanting and aligned their staffs. Cullen saw Alanna reach for something in her pocket.

"Trev, watch out!" He immediately stepped in front of her to protect her from whatever it was that these mad people were conjuring.

Alanna pulled out a large, glowing, red piece of metal.

_Red lyrium._

Before either of them had time to react, Turner's sister plunged the pure lyrium into her own heart as the mages' chanting reached its peak and the ground shook. Cullen and Trev were knocked to the ground. Cullen looked up through the dust that had risen from the ground, coughing and straining his eyes to see. He was taken aback when he heard the two mages scream and he could only see red before him, lyrium or blood, or both.

The cloud of dust settled a little and what Cullen saw made his blood curl. Alanna and the two mages were gone. In their place rose a huge, monstrous creature and Cullen immediately thought of a book he'd once read that described a darkspawn broodmother. He didn't know what foul magic was at work here, but the thing before them was at least twelve feet tall, a repulsive blob of twisted flesh and red lyrium. He could see the outlines of the mages' corpses merged into the creature's sides, and a horribly disfigured face that must have been what was left of Alanna.

Cullen watched Trev get up to her feet, her expression hard, her eyes glowing unearthly green. She pulled out her daggers faster than the blink of an eye and crossed them in front of herself, the mark on her hand crackling with power. He didn't know what she was doing, but it almost looked like she was charging them with power from her mark. Her daggers now buzzed and sparked green and he could feel how it grew with each second.

He drew his own sword and planted his feet firmly beside her. They would bring this thing down.

As he felt the power charge even more around her, he was afraid for a moment that she would lose control. He'd never felt this kind of energy before.

But she looked at him quickly, a reassuring look. She knew what she was doing. She turned her eyes back to the giant creature before them and when Trev spoke, her voice boomed out across the distance between their enemy and them.

"Not  _one_ more  _fucking_ time will I allow this. No more shit to wade through, not for me, not for Cullen! Anyone who opposes me or him, or our union, I'll send so deep into the darkest reaches of the fade, they'll wish they'd never been born."

The monstrosity before them moved and Cullen was shocked with how incredibly fast it moved despite its enormous size. It shrieked as it smashed a large, red talon into the ground where Trev had stood only a fraction of a second before.

But Trev was faster.

A rift appeared above them and a huge burst of green lightning hit the creature's talon, still buried deep in the ground after attacking Trev. It was burned clean off and the monster reared back, howling in pain. Cullen almost had to cover his ears to avoid the worst of the shrill piercing sound, but Trev only snarled and ran towards it.

"I will drown this mountain in your blood, and your burnt flesh will cover every inch of the ground!" she screamed, and the air crackled even louder, green sparks flying everywhere. Her rage seemed to fuel her rift-power unlike anything Cullen had heard of her doing before.

Cullen ran as well, desperate to protect her and help her fight. He looked at her and almost stumbled at the sight of her. People were undoubtedly on their way here to help, this had to be visible from Skyhold. And if they caught sight of her like this, Cullen had no doubt in his mind that she would go down in history as a legend, maybe worshipped in a way like Andraste.

A storm of green lightning now whirled around her. Everything shone with its light, her armor, her hair, her weapons and perhaps most startling - her eyes. No one would be able to look at her now and claim she was anything but a godess. One of war, one of vengence, one of justice, Cullen didn't know. But a godess of  _something_ , with immense power, she would be remembered as, he was sure of it.

As it turned out, Cullen was right. What happened next would go down in history.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end is near! Don't forget to comment and tell me what you think, or if you have any last wishes or requests for the finale ;)  
> Love you all and thank you for reading!


	40. Chapter 40: Finale

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last installment of Run with me. Thank you for reading and for all the lovely comments and kudos.
> 
> (Psst, I'll have a new, different story out soon so keep an eye out for it in the next week if you're interested!)

Cullen fought beside Trev for what felt like a lifetime. He put every ounce of his strength, intelligence and swiftness into the fight and Trev moved across the battlefield like a shadow. He couldn't even see her half the time, she was too fast. They both struck countless blows to the huge red lyrium-creature, cutting it, bleeding it. Trev's blades were infused with nasty poisons as well as power from her mark, but each time one of them hit the beast, it just slowed a little and then fought on as if nothing had happened.

Cut off chunks and pieces of red flesh were scattered on the slope they fought on and Cullen couldn't understand how the monster still stood up, much less how it managed to seem so unfazed by its injuries. Cullen's sword was slick with dark gore by now, and he was beginning to feel worn out, his stamina dipping dangerously low. He guessed Trev would have felt the same if it wasn't for the power that her mark provided her.

He gritted his teeth and kept on fighting, but he was getting slower and there wasn't a thing he could do about it. The creature must have noticed since it focused more and more attention on him. It struck out with its remaining talons, again and again, sharp as knives. After dodging several of these attacks in a row, Cullen was too slow when they came crashing down against him in a new wave and one of the razor-like talons caught him in the side, ripping open a long gash from his hip down to his knee. It wasn't deadly but he stumbled from the pain and cursed as blood spurted out of him.

Trev rushed to his side and flung a healing potion his way which he managed to catch right before the monster tried to attack again. But Trev was holding it at bay to give him time to down the potion. He felt much better as the pain subsided and the bleeding almost stopped.

_Magical stuff, that._

He inhaled deeply and readied himself to begin his assault on the beast again when he heard faint shouting in the distance. He glanced back for a split second and felt immense relief wash over him when he saw a throng of people heading their way, coming from Skyhold's direction.

Unfortunately, the creature saw them as well. It must have known that this was the last chance it had to kill him and Trev.

Cullen's attention snapped back to the fight and he charged again. He just needed to buy them a little more time, just a few minutes for their people to arrive and help them. Trev was fighting the beast from the front, claiming its attention so Cullen could approach it from the back. He drove his sword deep into the creature's flesh and pulled it out again, and the monster reared up and howled with rage and immediately turned his way. The head shot forward and it snapped its jaws so close to Cullen's face he could feel its foul breath on him. He seized the opportunity and plunged his sword up under its jaw, going straight through its mouth. The scream it let out was so powerful that Cullen lost his grip on the sword's handle and he fell back to the ground when the beast pulled itself upright again, Cullen's sword still stuck in its jaw.

"Why doesn't the bitch just fucking die already?" Trev yelled, barely audible over the screaming and the sounds of the green, crackling lightning surrounding her.

Cullen looked back towards the approaching force from Skyhold. He felt slightly panicked now that he'd lost his sword and thus his only defense and prayed that they would arrive before something really bad happened.

When his eyes returned to the fight, his heart came to a stop as he saw how Trev was pinned to the ground by two of the creature's giant claws. It was as if time slowed down when he watched helplessly as the monster raised its largest, most vicious-looking talon high in the air, poised to strike down on her when the earth suddenly shook from a blast. He had to avert his eyes to keep dirt and gravel out of them and when he looked back, everything – the air around them, the creature, the ground – was tinted with an outlandish emerald hue.

He watched with his mouth wide open in wonder as Trev rose from the ground up into the air until she was hovering right in front of the creature's head, at least ten feet up, the green lightning swirling even more violently around her now. But the beast wasted no time on being surprised and Cullen couldn't even manage to scream as the huge claw went right through her. His breath caught in his throat as he stared, horrified and disbelieving, at his worst nightmare unfolding right in front of him.

He was vaguely aware of hearing gasps and screams of shock behind him, barely noting that the bulk of Skyhold's forces must have arrived. It didn't matter since they were too late anyway.

He could barely believe his eyes when he saw the bit of the creature that stuck out of the other side of Trev fall off, as if burned away. Something snapped shut right behind her.

_A rift?_

He looked at Trev's face and sank to his knees in relief when he saw that she didn't seem injured at all. She moved her daggers in the air in front of her and with a ear-splitting sound, a new, much larger rift opened. She circled her daggers in patterns he didn't understand and he could see how she closed her eyes and murmured something under her breath, almost like a mage did with an incantation. The creature suddenly moved towards the rift, very clearly without its own volition. Its screams and howls were drowned out as the head and upper body disappeared into the rift. That's when Trev dropped to the ground in front of it and shot her hand up towards the rift, sucking all the power out of it and snapped it closed. The force from her endeavor knocked him and the rest of the awed spectators to the ground.

He blinked a few times and propped himself up on his elbows. The only thing left of the red lyrium-monster was its lower half, blood gushing out of it like a rushing river before it finally sagged and fell over, making the ground shudder again.

His eyes found Trev, who was standing completely drenched in blood beside the massive, torn up hunk of flesh that used to be Alanna Dreallor. The rift lightning was gone now, and apart from her rapid breathing, she seemed uninjured. Cullen scrambled to stand up and noticed while he did so how everyone behind him did the opposite. Those who had been knocked down during the force of the blast only got up to their knees, and the ones left standing dropped down to theirs, bowing their heads in respect for Trev.

Her gaze swept over them with a look of surprise on her face, but as soon as her eyes found Cullen, she seemed to forget them. She ran towards him while he walked as fast as he could in her direction. When there was no distance left between them, she threw herself in his arms.

Cullen ignored the blood that smeared on his armor from their contact and squeezed her tightly against him, silently thanking the Maker over and over for delivering her safely into his arms one more time. Her lips found his and she kissed him desperately as if to confirm that he was actually still alive.

Neither of them barely heard the cheers and the shouts behind them and Cullen pulled away slightly so that he could look at her face. It was, as always, the most beautiful thing in the world.

She reached her hand up and caressed his cheek softly and he shivered with pleasure.

"I love you," she said.

He smiled and kissed her again before he nuzzled the side of her face and kissed her cheek and then her ear before whispering: "I remember everything."

* * *

Cullen remembered how her eyes had widened at his words, her mouth dropping open in astonishment. She hadn't gotten a chance to respond before the crowd of people from Skyhold swept her up and carried her above their heads, cheering and shouting praise and words of worship her way. At first it looked as if she was going to protest before Cullen found her eyes and he just laughed and shook his head, his smile full of promises of what would come later. He saw her relax and she smiled back before she turned her gaze to the people who cheered for her, giving them what they wanted.

He had been celebrated as a hero as well and was almost swept up in a similar manner before Leliana had pushed her way through and saw the wound on his leg that still had blood trickling from it. Despite his attempts at brushing it off as nothing, he found himself behind her on a horse back to Skyhold before he had time to protest further.

He was sitting in the infirmary now, waiting patiently for the mage who was working on him to fix his leg. It didn't really bother him, the potion had managed the worst. But Leliana was right, better to heal it completely as soon as possible to avoid infection. She pestered him with questions about what had happened while he was being healed and she was outraged that she hadn't known that Alanna had slipped out of the jail in Ostwick. But she forgot that quickly when Cullen kept talking and she understood that he must have gotten his memories back even without him telling her that outright.

She smiled at him and squeezed his shoulder while the mage was putting his finishing touches on Cullen's leg.

"I'm so glad for you, and for the Inquisitor. I'll go and make sure she gets away from everyone pestering her so you can be alone when you're finished here. I'll see to it that she'll be in her quarters." Leliana winked and Cullen felt grateful. He wanted nothing more than to be alone with Trev right now. His plan to go to the Emeralds with her was pretty much ruined now so he would have to propose to her here. He felt his pocket for the ring and felt panic well up inside him when he realized it was empty.

"No, no, no, shit!"

The mage's head snapped up. "Did it hurt? It shouldn't, I've healed it already, just cleaning the blood off now..." he murmured, eyeing Cullen's leg suspiciously again.

"No, it's fine. I have to go," Cullen said while standing up and pulling on the new pair of breeches that Leliana had kindly brought to him.

He left in a hurry, not even hearing the mage's protests as he slammed the door shut behind him. He hurried towards Trev's private quarters, cursing himself and cursing everything that had happened today. He must have dropped the ring on the battlefield, and there was no way he would find it now. Trev her kept her promise when she told Alanna that the ground would bathe in her blood.

He could get a new one but he gritted his teeth at the thought. The one he'd had was so perfect, with diamonds and a large emerald in the middle the color of her eyes. He'd even had the band engraved.

_Shit._

He did his best to ignore everyone who called his name on his way to Trev without being too impolite. He smiled and nodded but didn't stop for anyone. Skyhold was buzzing with activity and people whispered and talked and some even sang about the events of the day. He heard whispers of 'Rift goddess' and 'Her Holiness' in addition to the Herald, Her Worship and Inquisitor that he was used to hearing people call his love by now.

Finally, he reached her door and the guards immediately let him in. He didn't even make it up the stairs before Trev came running for him and threw her arms around him.

"Are you alright? I was so shocked when you told me you remembered everything that I didn't even stop to think about your leg..."

Cullen buried his face in her hair, all clean and free from blood now. "I'm fine, my love. Good as new," he said and smiled when she looked up at him. He swallowed hard when he noticed that all she had on was a thin silk robe loosely tied around her waist, and not a single piece of clothing underneath.

"Do you truly remember everything?" There was still uncertainty in her voice.

"Maker, yes. I'll show you how well I remember every curve of your body." He pulled on the rope around her robe and tossed it behind him, his hungry eyes sweeping over the creamy skin revealing itself to him. Trev whimpered in delight as his fingertips traced along the sensitive skin on the side of her stomach all the way up to her breast. When he squeezed her pert nipple, she gripped his hips and pulled him to her and kissed him ferociously. He groaned and pushed her against the railing, pressing hismself against her naked body.

He licked her skin all the way from her throat up to her ear.

"I remember  _every_ dirty,  _perfect_ thing we've ever done together..." he whispered. She moaned as he licked her ear before he continued. "I remember when I bent you over my desk and fucked you until it shook... I remember bending you over the war table, how you thrashed around with your arms so much you destroyed our carefully placed plans on the map, you just couldn't help yourself when I plunged myself into you."

Cullen grabbed her around the ass and lifted her up to him and she played along very willingly, immediately wrapping her legs around his waist.

"Maker, tell me more, Cullen..." She licked and kissed his skin, her arms wrapped around his neck. He felt his knees go weak at the sound her sultry voice but he was determined to relive every moment they'd had together. He took a few steps up the stairs before he couldn't go any further, she distracted him too much. Her hand squeezed his hard cock through his breeches and he pushed her against the wall.

"I remember fucking you like this countless times when we couldn't even make it to the bedroom in time. I wanted you so much Trev, you do unspeakable things to my mind, to my body. I want you so fucking much right now. In every way, here against the wall, on the stairs, in the bed, I just need you."

She looked at him, her eyes dark and smoldering and she dropped her feet to the step they were standing on and in less than five seconds she had freed him of his clothes. She smiled at him wickedly and took his hand, leading him up to the top of the stairs. He groaned at the sight of her full, delicious backside swaying at him as she walked up. His cock was painfully hard, he wanted nothing more than to bury himself in her and fuck her until neither of them could stand.

His jaw dropped open when she paused on the final step of the stairs and dropped down to her knees, her hands planted on the floor above the step. She arched her back, pushing her ass in the air and it was all he could do not to drool over the floor like a fucking dog.

She looked back at him and arched her eyebrow.

"What are you waiting for?"

"That's a damn good question," he mumbled before dropping down to his knees behind her. "Are you sure you want to do it here? Wouldn't you be more comfortable in bed?" he asked, making sure this was what she wanted.

"Are you joking, Cullen? Now that you remember, you also remember that all our wildest and best sex has happened in weird places, right?"

He laughed softly before grabbing her hip with one hand and stroking her wet, delicious cunt with the other. She moaned and tried to push herself against him. "That, I do remember," he growled before he sucked on his wet fingers, tasting her on them. He grabbed her tightly with both hands and pushed himself into her.

_So tight..._

A loud moan escaped them both and he started fucking her on the stairs like an animal. It felt so fucking good and all of their previous sexual encounters flooded his mind. He revelled in  _remembering_ and being able to give her every last bit of himself. He reached around her and started rubbing her clit with his finger and she moaned so loudly he was sure she was going to come any moment. He pulled out of her and she begged him to fuck her again.

He laughed and pulled her to her feet. "Don't you worry, love. I'm going to make you come so many times you'll be a shaking mess when I'm done with you tonight. No walking for days."

She practically attacked him, his words apparently affecting her in a manner he could only describe as utterly wild and uncontrollable. She kissed him so hard his lips hurt and her tongue melted against his as they both moaned into each other's mouths.

They stumled into her quarters and she fell back onto the sofa. He tried to join her but she held her hand out, motioning for him to keep standing.

"Do you remember that night outside the tavern?" she said, her voice uneven and heady with desire.

Maker,  _if_ he remembered... He only managed to nod.

She leaned forward and looked up at him. She looked so incredibly sexy, he thought maybe just the sight of her would be able to undo him right now. "Do you remember what I did to you?" She licked her lips and stared at his cock hungrily.

He didn't need to be told what she wanted and he cupped the back of her head in one hand and pushed forward. He gasped in surprise when she took his whole lenght at once, not even licking him first. She grabbed his hips and pushed him even further down her throat.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" he hissed, eyes snapping shut from the incredible heat and wetness of her mouth. Then she started to move her tongue. His eyes flickered open again and he looked down and met her eyes and saw that she was smiling around his cock.

"Mhmm..." she moaned. She pulled him almost all the way out of her mouth and licked the head of him. "You taste so fucking good. Fuck my mouth, Cullen, please."

She opened her mouth wide and stuck her tongue out. Cullen stared at her and when a drop of saliva trickled down from the corner of her mouth, he lost it. He grabbed a fistful of her hair and gave her what she wanted. He jerked his hips forward, again and again, filling her mouth with his thick, hard cock as she moaned around him even as she gagged on him. He could feel her push him harder against her, Maker, he had to be halfway down her throat by now. He felt his balls tighten and knew he wasn't far off. As much as he wanted to fill her pretty mouth with his seed, he'd promised her more than that tonight. He pulled out of her mouth and lifted her up and threw her over his shoulder while she laughed in delight.

He put her down on the bed and wasted no time before he had his mouth on her wet, swollen clit. She moaned and he lapped at her, swirling his tongue between her folds, sucking and kissing his way between her opening and her clit. She dug his nails into his shoulders.

"Oh, fuck! Cullen, more, don't fucking stop. Maker, it feels so, ohh... so fucking good!"

He teased her opening with a finger and she reached down to make him push it in. He chuckled against her before burying his face in her cunt again, licking and sucking while he pumped his finger in and out, adding a second and a third. He kept on licking, the taste of her so fucking sweet.

"Do you like it when I stretch you open like this? Getting you ready for a good fucking again so my cock will fit in you?"

"Andraste, yes!" she screamed, her hand in his hair, forcing him to go faster. "Fuck me with your fingers and your mouth, Cullen, make me come, please!"

He increased the speed even more and sucked on her clit while swirling his tongue around it and it wasn't long until she screamed his name as she convulsed around him. He crawled up over her body and pushed his cock inside her before she became too tight for him to slip in.

"Yes, fuck me," she whispered, her eyes rolled back into her head. She moaned as he finally managed to push himself all the way in, her walls still clamping down on him in spasms in the aftershock of her orgasm.

He couldn't believe how tight she was or how good he fit in her wet, throbbing pussy. He grabbed the headboard of the bed to hold on to something as he fucked her, each thrust connecting his upper body to her still sensitive clit. Her moans grew louder each time and she was practically screaming again.

"Harder, please, I'm begging you, Cullen! Fuck me 'til I can't fucking walk!"

She didn't need to beg him and he thrust harder, not caring about the strain of the wood underneath them. A loud crack sounded out but she didn't stop screaming and he didn't stop fucking her. She came a second time and the pressure around his cock was unbeliavable.

"Fuck, Trev, I can't hold it back, I'm going to come..." he grunted, hands on her hips now, holding on to her as if his life depended on it.

"Fill me up, Cullen, I want to feel you come inside me..."

He groaned as her words brought him home and he breathed her name as he jerked into her, long, hot spurts of him filling her warm cunt.

He lay still over her for a few moments, trying to catch his breath before she pulled him down beside him. He put his arms around her and kissed her neck.

"Love... I think we broke the bed," she said and laughed softly, music to his ears.

"Worth it," he said and chuckled and she laughed so hard she had to brace her hand against her stomach.

After they both calmed down, she turned around to face him, her expression now curious.

"When did you remember everything?" she asked while stroking his arm absentmindedly.

"It must have been when you closed that large rift, taking half of Alanna with it. There was some kind of wave forcing us all to the ground then. When my vision cleared, it was just suddenly like the memories had never left me."

She kissed his lips, very softly, before nuzzling into his neck. "I'm so glad it happened, even though the reason for it vexes me. I should have been informed of that crazy bitch's whereabouts."

"Apparently, even Leliana didn't know. I'll bet she's already on it, investigating why. So don't worry about it. Trev..." He had to ask her. "What really happened out there? The things you did, how you used your mark... I've never seen you do anything like that before. You were floating in the air, shooting lightning and all kinds of crazy stuff. I know your rift power gives you special abilities but... did you know you could do that?"

She shook her head. "No. If I'd known, taking down our enemies would have been a lot easier on this whole Inquisition ride, you know. I think it was because you were in the line of fire. She threatened you, she'd already made sure you died once, for Maker's sake. It was probably just a question of motivation, how far I could take my powers."

Cullen nodded. "People will talk about this for a long, long time. They saw you do things that no one else has ever done. Maybe it wouldn't be such a big deal if you were a mage, mages do weird things. But it's widely known that you aren't."

"Let them think what they want. I'm sure Leliana and Josephine are already on top of things, making sure they call me a saint or a goddess or something ridiculous like that, instead of an abomination." She snorted but went silent when she saw the serious expression on Cullen's face. "What?"

"I've already heard whispers of a Rift goddess."

Trev's eyes widened in disbelief. "You're kidding, right?" When he didn't say anything, she groaned. "You know what? We can worry about that later. Right now, you're here, I'm here, and there's no one here to disturb us. If I can recall correctly, you promised me that I wouldn't be able to walk after you were done with me. I think I can still walk..."

She smiled and Cullen couldn't keep himself from laughing fondly at her mischievous expression. He rolled her over to her back and grabbed her wrist, placing small kisses along her skin.

"I always keep my promises."

* * *

The forest of the Emeralds was breathtaking. Twinkling lights were spread out through the huge trees and there were white flowers everywhere, as far as the eye could see. The sounds of the animals and the insects that usually came out in the twilight right before dusk were drowned out by the murmur of the hundreds of people who were gathered in the forest, all dressed in finery and apparently waiting excitedly for something.

There was most likely no one more excited than the Inquisition's Commander – Cullen Rutherford – who stood at the edge of the crowd on a small upraised platform covered in the same white flowers and twinkling lights as the trees. Practically every woman in the crowd had fawned over him on his way up there, handsome as was in his blue formal wear.

His eyes swept through the front of the crowd nervously and he smiled as his eyes met those of Lord Trevelyan and his family, and then his sister Mia and hers. She smiled up at him reassuringly and he cleared his throat.

_What's taking so long?_

As if she heard his thoughts, a cheer swept to the crowd and they parted in the middle to let Lily Trevelyan through. Everyone bowed their heads and murmured prayers and worship as she passed, but Cullen heard none of it. The only thing he could hear was the beating of his own heart as he watched his dream walk down the path towards him. She was wearing a traditional Fereldan blue wedding dress, the silk flowing around her and down into a train behind her. Her hair was braided down her side, her favourite, with small, white and gold flowers pinned to it. She carried a single, larger flower of the same color in her hand.

Most importantly, she wore a smile so wide that no one around her could keep from smiling themselves when they saw how happy she was, Cullen included. He still thought he was dreaming, all the way until she stepped up on the platform and stood in front of him and the Revered Mother. She took his hands and while they waited for the crowd to quiet down, she reached up to his ear and whispered: "Are you alright?"

He whispered back: "Never better, if this is not a dream, as I still suspect it is."

She laughed quietly. "There are so many people here... When this is over, how about escaping this place with me? Our villa is not far, I'm sure together we can manage to outsmart anyone who tries to keep us here. Besides... I think you'll find yourself eager to get there."

He arched his eyebrows, smile still wide on his face. "Oh?"

She nodded and smiled back.

_Dazzling._

"Remember the first thing I said to you, in your office? A promise I haven't yet fulfilled. I thought our wedding night would be the perfect opportunity, don't you agree, love?"

Cullen swallowed. Maker, was she trying to get him hard here in front of all these people?

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

The crowd had almost gone silent now and Trev lowered her voice to an almost inaudible whisper. "Yes. I still want to tie you up and lick your entire body. Or, if you prefer, you can tie up the new Mrs. Trevelyan Rutherford and do it to me instead, I would have no arguments against that."

His heart fluttered as she called herself by his last name, and heat pooled deep in his stomach at the other thing she mentioned.

When she whispered the last thing before the ceremony that would make her truly and utterly his, he smiled widely and nodded eagerly in response to her words: "So when this is over, will you run with me?"


End file.
